Surrogate Love
by shwriteme
Summary: Bella is a sexual therapist with unusual methods. When she goes on sabbatical to write a book, Dr. Hale calls in a favor and sends her a new patient. Bella must put aside her training and follow her instincts to help Edward overcome his difficulties.
1. Chapter 1

**Surrogate Love**

**Author's Note: ****This is meant to be a fun, fluffy romance and is rated for explicit sexual content in future chapters. Of course there will be some conflict, or there wouldn't be a story. But it won't be extremely angst-ridden.**

**Special Thanks:**** to the awesome Bittenev for agreeing to be my beta for this story.**

**Disclaimer:**

**I am not a therapist and have no first hand knowledge of therapy practice aside from some experience with Emotional Freedom Techniques. The following events are fictionalized and are in no way meant to resemble actual experience of a psychiatrist.**

**I am not the great Stephenie Meyer and unfortunately have no ownership or rights to the Twilight characters or plot, nor any association with the author. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**-------------------------------------**

**Chapter One**

_**BPOV**_

I stared at the blank screen on my new computer. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I realized there was only five minutes to go until my appointment with Mr. Cullen.

I was too nervous to write. With a deep sigh I pushed back from my desk and stood to stretch. My stiff neck and shoulders popped and creaked as I reached and twisted.

I couldn't really understand why I was so uptight about this. After all this was just another client. No big deal. I'd treated many clients over the past five years--as many as I could cram into my schedule. So why the nerves now?

But this was different. I'd never treated a client in my home before. It was something that I'd sworn I'd never do. In my line of work, that could be dangerous. And I knew very little about my client which was highly unusual.

I leaned back in my chair and watched the rain streak down the casement windows of my office as I let my mind drift back to the events that led to this situation.

-------------------------_flashback---_---------------------

I had only been on sabbatical for a few days when Dr. Hale called in a special favor. It was one of those rare sunny days in Seattle and I was sitting in this very chair when I recognized the ring tone. I groaned and debated for a moment whether to answer. I picked up at the last second before it went to voice mail.

"Hello, Dr. Hale." I tried to sound harried.

"Dr. Swan," she said, her voice a little too bright for my liking. "How's the book going?"

"Well, I set up my office yesterday and I started writing this morning." As much as I liked Rosalie, she didn't usually call to just chat. She obviously wanted something and that thought made me nervous. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I know you aren't taking clients right now, but this is a really special..."

"Rose, please," I cut in. "I'm just getting started and I need some space from my work. We talked about this."

"I know, Bella. Really--and I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. I hate to do this, but I'm calling in that favor..."

I groaned. "All right," I said. I owed her big for that one incident over a year ago and if she was willing to call in the favor for a client, it must be important. "Who is he and what is the deal?"

But Rosalie wasn't very forthcoming with information. She had simply assured me that Mr. Cullen was trustworthy and was just as concerned about privacy as I was. And by the time our conversation ended, I had conceded to the one thing I swore I'd never do--working with a client who provided no background information and working with him in my home.

------------------------

The doorbell pulled me back to the rainy window and I jumped up to answer it. He'd be soaked if he had to wait long in this.

I opened the door and my breath caught in my throat. A young man stood in front of me with a slight slouch and a bowed head. Raindrops glistened on a messy head of copper hair before running onto a practical tan overcoat. When he looked up, I was met with emerald green eyes slightly magnified through wire rim spectacles. I'd never seen eyes that color of green before.

"Dr. Swan?" His voice was smooth, but it was enough to jolt me out of my daze.

I offered my hand and was surprised at the tingling sensation that seared through me when his skin connected with mine. "Yes," I said, my voice sounding hoarse. "You must be Mr. Cullen. Please come in out of the rain." I stepped aside to let him pass.

He squeezed my hand and the tingling intensified. "Please call me Edward. Thanks for agreeing to take me on. I'm aware that you aren't taking new clients at the moment. I hope it wasn't too much of an imposition." He brushed against me as he passed and a clean, musky smell tingled my nose. I tried not to lean in to take a deeper breath.

A warm blush crept up my neck. "No, not at all," I said. Although the words would have been a complete lie just ten minutes ago, I found them strangely true at the moment. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts before leading him to my office and making us a pot of tea.

The man seated before me was clearly shy--the stooped posture and avoidance of eye contact were textbook signs. Yet he was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. Built with classic proportions, he could have been a Roman god. And as a successful businessman, he must face new people and stressful situations every day. So why did he seem to lack confidence?

It took me a moment to realize that the minimal eye contact was probably due to embarrassment. He was embarrassed to be seeking help with this particular area of his life. I should have seen it right away. Most of my clients felt this way at first. Why should I expect him to be any different?

And before we even spoke I was intrigued. What could be the problem with this gorgeous man? Why should he need sex therapy?

_**EPOV**_

I stopped in the drive way ten minutes before my appointment with Dr. Swan. Her home was quite secluded and it was pouring so hard that I was thankful to have found it in time. Yet, I didn't want to show up early, so I turned on the stereo for a moment and let the relaxing rhythms of Mozart calm my nerves and ease the tension that had been forming into a headache all afternoon.

How did I let my sister talk me into this? I knew she was worried about me, but this was taking the brother sister bond a bit too far.

Alice had made the appointment for me through Rose. It was embarrassing to have these types of problems and the idea of sharing them with a stranger was mortifying. But there comes a time when you have to face your demons. I was tired of living this way.

Actually, I was lucky that Rose and Alice were such close friends because Rose had managed to get me the best therapist in the country. I don't know what she said to convince Dr. Swan to accept a client when she was on sabbatical and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

I stepped out into the downpour and pulled the collar up on my overcoat to keep the cold rain from running down my back. Shifting nervously, I rang the doorbell and waited for her to answer. My cheeks grew warm and my glasses fogged up as I looked at my loafers, trying to force the blood back down my neck.

I heard a gasp when she opened the door and I looked up to see a lovely creature. Her heart shaped face held two large, deep brown eyes. I was immediately trapped in her gaze as my jaw slackened. I had lost all ability to speak.

_Why was I here again? Oh yes._ And the heat returned to my face. "Dr. Swan?" I asked, wanting to be sure that I'd found the right house. As if just being here wasn't embarrassing enough--imagine knocking on the wrong door and asking for help with my problems.

She offered me her hand and I took it, feeling an immediate jolt race through my entire body and settle low in my abdomen. I squeezed her hand and felt it again. Maybe this was why she was so good at her work. Maybe she was some type of enchantress.

I shook off the thought and followed her through the nice, open style home to her office and shucked my coat before sitting on the deep leather sofa, still feeling a little nervous about the whole thing. And it wasn't until I was seated that I noticed how very quiet it was. Ever since the accident eight years ago, I'd had the ability to hear people's thoughts. I hadn't had a moment of real silence since then and I took a minute to just enjoy it.

Dr. Swan handed me a towel for my wet hair and served us a pot of tea before turning on some quiet background music--Vivaldi. Interesting. Did she somehow know that I found classical music calming?

I actively tried to hear her thoughts as I toweled my hair dry, but there was nothing. There was no way she could go that long without thinking anything, especially when she'd just met someone new. It didn't make sense. What was going on? Had I lost my ability to hear thoughts? Was she somehow an exception for me? What could this mean?

The thoughts rolled around in my mind as I sipped the hot tea and tried to relax and Dr. Swan took her seat behind the desk and pulled out a notebook.

I wasn't sure what to expect next, so I swallowed and waited for her to speak.

_**BPOV**_

He looked nervous perched on the edge of the sofa, sipping his tea, his unruly hair even more so after a vigorous toweling. He put his glasses back on and took another sip from the china cup.

I put on some light classical music to make the silence less oppressive and got out a notebook. I wasn't sure why he was here or what he expected, but I was overcome with a desire to put him at ease.

"So, Mr. Cullen," I said and he met my gaze across my desk. The intense beauty of his perfectly proportioned face made my breath hitch. I had a feeling that I would never get used to his perfection no matter how long I knew him. It was shocking. And there was something in his eyes--like an old wisdom--something beyond his years. "Did Dr. Hale explain what this type of therapy consists of?"

I certainly hoped that she'd told him something because she'd given me very little information. Referrals usually came from Rose with a thick file of background notes, but she'd barely given me more than his name, occupation and family status--more to ease my worries about privacy than to help me build a program for him.

That adorable blush colored his cheeks before he answered. "No, actually, she said very little about it. This was more of a--family intervention."

"Ah!" So that explained his embarrassment. I began to wonder again if he really needed to be here, though if his family intervened... "I know this is a bit uncomfortable, but can you tell me a bit about your problems? Then I'll be better able to tell you what to expect."

He leaned forward with his elbow on his knees and spoke to the floor. "Well, it is embarrassing to admit, but I'm still a virgin--well not technically, but--yeah ..."

I tried not to let the shock show on my face and fought the relief that I shouldn't be feeling. On the one hand I didn't understand how someone so absolutely gorgeous could not be experienced with women but on the other hand I was thankful that he wasn't a sex addict. But what did he mean he was sort of a virgin? It isn't like there were degrees of virginity. It was sort of an all or nothing type of thing.

"It isn't for the usual reasons I suppose," he continued, pulling me from my train of thought. "I mean I'm obviously too much of a geek to have girls falling all over me, but there have been a few--opportunities."

Going against all of my training, I reacted to his words by raising my eyebrow in challenge. But really, how could he possibly think he was a geek. A superman fantasy started to run in my head and I imagined pulling off his glasses and running my hands through that hair…

"Yeah, it probably seems odd to you--and I wouldn't have likely had many dates at all if it weren't for my family …"

His words pulled me from my fantasy and doused me with the cold realization that this man actually believed that he was undesirable. I couldn't let that go on even though it went beyond my professional boundaries. I often complimented a patient on his thoughts or his responsiveness, but I never directly complimented his looks. That wasn't something within a person's control. It seemed so trivial and it had nothing to do with the ability to feel pleasure. But as the blush on his cheeks deepened and his eyes returned to the floor, I knew I had to do something.

"No, that isn't the part of your statement that I found difficult to believe. I wouldn't call you a geek, Mr. Cullen. Forgive me but you must have some idea of how attractive you are."

His eyes met mine in a look of disbelief. He clearly thought he was average, but I'd let that go--for now. I motioned for him to go on with his story.

He ran his hand through his hair, making it stand up at even crazier angles. I wondered for a moment what his hair would feel like before I shook myself out of it. Stay professional, Bella. This is your career.

"Actually," he said, breaking through my thoughts, "I haven't had an orgasm since I was a young teen." The delicious blush deepened and he looked at his shoes as he continued. "Whenever I've tried to--you know--I get to a certain point and then my body seems to...um...shut down."

He didn't look at me again and the silence stretched on.

"Well, you know that isn't altogether unusual right?" I tried to reassure him. And it was true. We expect sex to be a natural profession of love between a man and a woman, but it's more messed up than anyone would believe. A major part of society is so subjugated and powerless that they use sex for power--over their spouse, over their children. And then those people grow up with a skewed view of the purpose of the whole thing. To the point where people like myself make an occupation of trying to help correct the problem.

I didn't want to think of Edward this way--as having had some horrible experience in childhood that had caused so many problems for him.

He looked surprised for a moment, as though he was expecting me to laugh. "I think my brother would disagree with you on that one. He thinks I'm quite the freak."

"Well you aren't. This is a common enough problem and there could be a number of reasons for it." No need to tell him that most of the people I have treated with this problem were women. Men usually had a different set of problems, but that only meant that he was a sensitive person and there was nothing wrong with that. In fact, it was endearing.

He looked slightly more comfortable as he sat back and looked up at me again. "So, can _you_ help me?"

I didn't miss his emphasis on the word you and I tried to squash the butterflies. He didn't mean it like that.

Of course I could help him. The question was, could I help him without getting too involved with him--could I retain my professionalism and still help him? I didn't have an answer. In less than half an hour this man had stirred feelings in me that I'd never experienced before. I loved helping people to overcome their problems to experience the joys of sexuality and intimacy and I'd never had a problem with maintaining my professionalism, until now.

But it wasn't like he'd find the help he needed elsewhere if I turned him down. My methods were not conventional therapy. And then there was the matter of the debt I owed to Rose. She'd been there for me when I needed her--had saved my life even. I couldn't very well tell her no. Maybe after he hears what is involved, he'll decide he's not interested.

"Of course I can help you Edward. I have a 100% success rate. I've never failed a client and you won't be the first. But I do want to explain a bit about how I work, so that you are prepared and you can decide if you wish to continue or not."

He nodded for me to continue and I had his full attention now. His emerald eyes were riveted to my own.

"I am a psychiatrist, and EFT practitioner and a sex therapist, but I am also a sexual surrogate. What that means is that your therapy would consist of some talk therapy, some EFT--Emotional Freedom Techniques, which is a new form of energy therapy kind of like emotional acupuncture without the needles, and there would also be some practical sexual therapy where we would test out your emotional responses to different stimuli." I paused for a moment, letting that sink in.

Maybe this would push him out the door and I could go back to writing my book. But is that what I really wanted? The sinking feeling in my stomach answered for me.

His cheeks blazed red but his eyes held my own. His lips parted as his breathing deepened. Was he thinking about being intimate with me? My own face flushed at the thought.

I held his gaze and lowered my voice as I continued, "I can guarantee you that we can resolve your problem, but you would need to be completely honest with me. If you cover up or bend the truth, it will only take you longer to get the results you want."

He swallowed then straightened his spine, a look of resolve covering his face like a mask. "So, how long does this usually take?" The words came out with a nervous squeak.

"It varies depending on a lot of factors and I won't even be able to hazard a guess until we get started? So, are you ready to begin?"

His blush gradually faded as he swallowed the last bit of tea from his cup. His pink tongue darted out to moisten his lower lip and I didn't hear his response at first. Then he cleared his throat and replied in a stronger voice.

"Yes, I'm ready."

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**Endnotes:**

**If you'd like to learn more about EFT check out ****www(dot)emofree(dot)com**** I am not affiliated with this website or the developer of these techniques other than having tried them on myself, my family and friends with great success. I give thanks to Gary Craig for discovering these techniques and making them available to the masses.  
**

**So this is my first fanfiction and a step outside my normal writing genre. I intend for it to be a novella length fiction and will continue to post chapters if people are interested in reading it. So let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is the second installment, folks. Hope you enjoy. **

**A big thanks once again to the great Bittenev for her beta-ing excellence. **

**Disclaimer:**

**Twilight and all related characters still aren't mine--unfortunately. All belong to Stephenie Meyer and I'm just playing around with them. No copyright infringement intended.**

**You can find all other credits at the end of the chapter.**

**On with the show!**

--------------------

**Chapter 2  
**

_**EPOV**_

Was I ready? Did I honestly have an answer for that? "Well, Um, I guess." I felt like a stammering fool--even more than I sounded like one. I cleared my throat and tried to sound more confident. "Yes, I'm ready."

"Okay," she said as she stood and walked over to the couch beside me. Just like that, was she going to expect me to have sex with her? I swallowed the lump that rose in my throat and tried to calm my racing heart.

She must have noticed my apprehension because she spoke again as she sat and turned to face me. "Don't worry, Mr. Cullen. I'm not going to jump you or anything. I just thought maybe it would be easier to talk this way--more comfortable. And we'll be doing some EFT and I'll have to touch your face for that."

I was relieved. Not that she wasn't beautiful because she was absolutely exquisite. Her dark hair fell in loose curls over her shoulders and half way down her back. She wore soft navy yoga pants and a silky blue blouse that accentuated the pale creamy skin of her arms and neck. And her chocolate eyes were so deep, I felt like I could get lost in them. She affected me more than anyone I'd met before. But I was nervous enough just being here.

"Please," I said, "call me Edward. I feel like I should be looking around for my father every time you say Mr. Cullen."

"Okay, Edward," she said, "and you can call me Bella. Take a few deep calming breaths with me." She was quiet for a few minutes, just taking deep breaths and I followed her lead.

It didn't take long before I felt myself relax a bit, though I was still anxious over what was to come. "Thanks," I said. "I feel a little better now."

"Okay." She leaned back into the corner of the sofa, giving me some space. "Relax, we're just going to talk a bit now, and we won't get into anything sexual today. I'm just going to explain a bit about Emotional Freedom Techniques which is the process we'll be using for the majority of your therapy."

I watched as she went into a spiel about how EFT could neutralize the emotions associated with a traumatic memory. So that, while you'll still have the memory, it won't hurt like it once did.

"You always have energy flowing through your body and when you experience a negative emotion like fear or anger or guilt, it creates interference--like static on a TV. When I tap on the meridian points on your face and body, it's like tuning in the station again. The energy disruption is cleared." She licked her lips and straightened her posture as she continued, "So we'll work on the individual memories until they are neutralized before we try any surrogate work."

I nodded, hoping she would continue and thankful that I'd have time to adjust to the idea that we would actually have sex at some point. Rose and Alice hadn't mentioned that part, probably thinking I'd run from the situation before it got started. And they were probably right.

"Tell me about the last time you tried to masturbate."

"Huh!" The question caught me off guard and I felt the heat flood my face once again. I was going to be wearing a perma-blush when I was here and I might as well get used to it. "What do you mean? You want a detailed play-by-play?"

Her face flushed a lovely pink color and I felt a bit better about my own embarrassment. "No," she said, her voice a bit shaky. "I mean--tell me about the emotions that you went through as it happened. Were you relaxed? Was there a particular stimulus? And what did you feel as you became more aroused? What were you feeling right before your body—I think the term you used was—shut down? Was it guilt, shame, anger, fear?"

I thought back to the incident. "Well, I suppose it was a couple of years ago. And I'd say guilt and shame were the dominant feelings."

"And can you link those feelings to a particular memory? Maybe from an earlier time when you were masturbating?"

I remembered pleasuring myself as a teenager and my aunt walking in on me. I'd been beyond mortified. When I closed my eyes I could still see the disgusted look on her face--the disapproval.

"Okay," she said, interrupting my thoughts, "we're going to do some tapping now. When you think about this memory, how do you feel?"

"Shame and guilt I guess." My voice sounded unsure even to my own ears.

"Where do you feel the emotion? Is there a physical feeling--maybe in your stomach or chest?"

I concentrated on the memory and listened to my body. I could feel a tightening in my chest and it was harder to breathe. "My chest."

"Great," she said, and she reached out and took my hand in hers. The connection felt amazing--electrical like when I shook her hand earlier. "Now concentrate on that feeling for me and rate it on a scale of 0 to 10--0 being no reaction at all and 10 being so uncomfortable you have to leave the room."

It was constricting but not unbearable. "I don't know, maybe an 8?"

She nodded and started tapping on the side of my hand which she called the karate chop point. "I want you to repeat the following words even though you may find them silly or uncomfortable. Even though just thinking about this memory fills me with guilt and shame, I deeply love and accept myself."

I repeated the phrase a few times and then she removed my glasses and tapped on some points around my eyes, under my nose, my chin, my collarbone, and on top of my head while saying, "This shame and guilt," and I repeated it.

When she finished she asked me to rate the feeling again. I was surprised to find that it was significantly less--maybe a 2. After one more round it was down to nothing and I was amazed.

"Now we're going to use the '_tell the story'_ method. I want you to go through it like a movie in your head and tell me what happened. As soon as you feel that tightening in your chest, I want you to stop and we'll tap on it." Her eyes were intense and she paused for a moment as I considered her words before continuing. "This is a painless therapy, Edward. I want you to be very honest about your feelings."

----

We continued in this manner until the memory was completely neutralized. When we finished, I could play it like a movie in my head, but I had no emotional connection to it at all. I could view it logically as though it were part of someone else's life.

Two hours later I felt lighter, and tired. Bella explained that it was because so much energy had been moved through my system. I was bound to be tired after these sessions.

"So Edward," she said as we wrapped up the session, "what kind of schedule should we set up? How much free time will you have over the next while? We could meet weekly or more often if you're available."

"My sister has cleared my schedule for the next three weeks. So I am available whenever you like. You are the one who is taking time out of your life for me." I wanted her to know how grateful I was to her.

"Well, it will go much quicker if we do this intensively rather than stretching it out for an hour a week over months. But it is tiring, so I'll leave room to make sessions longer or shorter depending on your needs. How about we meet tomorrow?" she asked. "You could come for lunch and we could spend some time getting more comfortable with one another. Then we could have another EFT session after."

I smiled, thrilled at the prospect of seeing her again so soon. I tried to tell myself that the excitement was because I was finally doing something about my problem. My life really was going to change. I could feel it.

But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew there was more to it than that. I was glad that I would be seeing Bella again. She was an amazing person to be able to help me stay so calm through something that should have been significantly more stressful. Yes, there was a part of me that simply wanted to see her again--to experience the peace that only seemed to occur in her presence.

That thought brought me back to wondering what had happened to me today. Was my _gift_ gone? Or was there something different about Bella?

I pondered these thoughts as she walked me to the door.

"Oh, and Edward." Her sweet voice interrupted my musings. "I have some homework for you. I know you're tired but we cleared a lot of baggage today. I'd like you to make a list of all of the memories from your past that still have some emotional charge for you. Think of them like movie scenes but don't go into detail as you try to remember. I don't want you to get too upset about them. Just give each one a title that will help you remember what they are. We'll deal with them tomorrow. I want to clear as much as we can before we attempt any sexual activity."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, nerves dancing in my stomach at the thought of those activities and nodded. "Thanks again," I said as I opened the door and looked out at the trees and grass all glistening as the sun broke through, the rain now just a fine mist in the air. I bounced down the steps to my car, feeling lighter than I had in a long time.

"See you tomorrow," her voice called after me.

-------------------

_**BPOV**_

I felt really good about our first session. Edward had been open with me and I could tell that we were already getting somewhere. I'd felt a lot of energy pass through him and knew he'd be really tired tonight.

I felt a connection to the client every time I worked with EFT, but it was much more pronounced with Edward. I was so in tune with him. It was as though we were sharing the same energy source--as though we were both tapped into something bigger. That feeling of being connected was something I'd never get used to. It was the closest thing I'd found to religion.

He'd seemed a bit startled as I explained the EFT process to him and asked him to recall his first vivid sexual experience or even sexual thoughts that made him uncomfortable when he was younger. I could feel his emotions as though they were my own--the guilt, and shame, and disgust. It was heavy in my chest and as we tapped, the energy flowed until the disruption was completely gone.

It's amazing how something as simple as being caught masturbating or getting an erection in front of the class can affect a sensitive young person who is just starting to figure out his sexuality. All of the crap adults put on young boys about not touching themselves or their fingers will fall off or they'll go blind--it's all BS (bad science). It's the most natural thing in the world. It's like telling a baby not to put his fingers in his mouth.

I could feel Edward's level of anxiety even before I asked him to rate it on a scale of 0 to 10 and he'd been so honest with his answers. It was a great start.

Some men and women were ready for the sexual experience right away--but these people usually came to me after some work with another psychiatrist like Rose and they were aware of what my therapy entailed.

Given his background and the way this had been sprung on him, I knew Edward would be skittish for awhile. I'd have to approach the sex carefully for him to be comfortable. That was why I'd suggested lunch. We needed to chat and get to know one another. His therapy depended on it.

And his well being was my only concern. I was his practitioner and I'd just have to squash down these other feelings that were threatening to interfere. I couldn't under any circumstances, let myself fall for Edward Cullen.

--------------------

_**EPOV**_

I spent an inordinate amount of time getting ready for my lunch date and appointment the next day. I finally settled on some casual brown pants and a green silk button up shirt.

All of my clothes were still on my bed when Alice knocked at the door. She came in before waiting for a reply and I groaned, knowing the interrogation would come. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to tame it, but it was no use.

"Hey, Edward."

I held back another groan at her chirpy voice. "Alice. What brings you to barge into my home on this fine day?"

"Sarcastic much?" She surveyed the mess of the bed and the familiar flush confirmed that I was busted. I was acting like such a girl. "Well, little brother, do you have a date?"

"Um, no," I said. "I'm just heading out to my second session with Dr. Swan."

Her face lit up at that info. _Wow, so little brother has a thing for Dr. Swan. I knew something would come of this. _Her thoughts struck me. Apparently my mind reading skills were still intact.

"Alice, please," I couldn't take it right now. I had to get out of here. "I have to leave, so maybe we can talk about this another time."

_Oh, you better believe we will,_ she thought as she started hanging my clothes up for me.

I took the keys and left. She'd let herself out.

--------

I arrived 15 minutes earlier than I'd planned and sat in my car listening to Vivaldi. I couldn't understand why I was so nervous.

Maybe this would have been easier if Bella wasn't so beautiful. I couldn't develop feelings for my psychiatrist. That was just too clichéd and tragic.

There was no way she could have feelings for me in return. She was smart and gorgeous and classy and way out of my league. Even though she'd said I was attractive, I couldn't believe that she'd ever take a second look at me if she'd met me in another situation.

And then there was the matter of my not being able to hear her thoughts. That was so frustrating in some ways and refreshing in others.

If she were going to really help me, I'd have to tell her about my gift. I promised total honesty and hearing others' thoughts certainly had something to do with my problems. I already looked like a geek. I was as shy and socially awkward as could be. So what if I could handle myself in a business meeting, while I discussed my inventions. My gift allowed me to tell them what they wanted to hear and this made my success feel somewhat artificial.

I'd been afraid to discuss my gift with my doctor or, well, anyone for that matter. Only my family knew about it. They were the only ones I trusted. But Bella was a professional. Would she think I was crazy? Would she sign me into the psych ward? The thought terrified me and it was what had held me back all of these years. But I was tired of being held back by my _gift_. And somehow I knew on a gut level that she'd understand. While I couldn't read her thoughts, I had a good feeling about her--like she was really here to help me. I'd tell her today. Holding out any longer would be dishonest and would only impede my progress.

I didn't know what to expect today. Would she want to proceed with the sexual aspects? Would she expect it? Was I ready for that? I knew one thing for sure, if I was going to be that intimate with her, I needed to know more about her.

My thoughts were interrupted by a rap on my window. I turned off the radio and rolled down the window to see Bella smiling at me. My breath caught in my throat.

"Well," she said. "Are you going to come in?"

I scrambled out of the car. "Yeah sure," I said. "I was a bit early so I thought I'd just listen to some music. I didn't want to interrupt your routine."

She held the door open for me and my arm tingled where it brushed against her side.

"Oh, don't worry about being early. I'm not doing anything so urgent that you couldn't come in."

-----

I followed her into the brightly lit kitchen, noticing the way the silky material of her skirt swirled around her thighs when she walked. She wore a floral skirt today and a yellow blouse that hugged her curves in the most tantalizing way. She looked like sunshine. I shook my head to clear the thought.

She had lunch laid out for us on the small, polished table--spinach salad and some kind of tortilla sandwiches with a bottle of wine. Her kitchen was bright and sunny with pine cupboards and granite counter tops. It smelled of warm cornmeal and fresh cut flowers. Lace curtains covered the casement windows, creating intricate shadows over the hardwood floors.

"Well, I'm mostly early because my sister, Alice, stopped in to interrogate me this morning."

"Ah," she said and it seemed as though she really knew what I meant. "This is the same sister who set up the therapy for you?"

She did understand. "Yeah." I wished I could just avoid Alice for a while. She was only going to make this more awkward for me, despite her good intentions.

Bella's voice interrupted my thoughts once again as she set some more glasses and a picture of mineral water on the table. "Do you think you could give me her number, Edward? I would never share anything about your therapy and our sessions, but I could explain to her that this would work best if she gave you some space for awhile."

It was as if _she_ had read _my_ mind.

---------

"Wow, Bella this is delicious. Are you sure you weren't a chef in a past life?" I loved the way her cheeks flushed at my compliment. She seemed so confident and together in her office. It was nice to know that I wasn't the only one who was uncomfortable outside the comfort of my lab. But there was more to my reaction than that. The pink tint in her cheeks and the sparkle in her eyes made my heart race and my pants feel tight. I shifted to make myself more comfortable.

"That's sweet, but it's just a sandwich and salad." She took a long sip from her glass of wine. "So, tell me a little about Alice. She sounds like a caring sister."

I rolled my eyes before I could stop myself. "Meddling sister," I mumbled and drank some wine. It was pretty neutral and bubbled its way down my throat, making me feel more relaxed. "I mean, she's a great person and I love her, but she can be interfering sometimes and very persuasive."

"And how did she persuade you to come here?"

I finished my salad and sat back, pouring a second, smaller glass of wine. I didn't intend to drink much but I knew the second glass would make me feel relaxed without being too much. "Well, it all started with this blind date she and Rose set up for me. Tanya was her name. She was attractive, as you would expect from a friend of Rosalie, and she came on pretty strong. I figured I'd just let things progress naturally. It's rather embarrassing to be a virgin at 25 you know and I just wanted to get it over with."

I met her eyes then, even though the embarrassment was almost too much, despite the wine, and she had an unfathomable look in her eyes. I ate my sandwich in silence as she quickly finished her lunch and motioned for me to continue, efficiently clearing the table and putting a dessert dish of fresh berries and whipped cream in front of me.

As she popped a raspberry into her mouth, I watched her and wondered how I ever found Tanya that attractive. I mean, yes, she looked like a model, but she had nothing on Bella. The woman before me had a certain radiance about her, a warmth that no one could touch. She chuckled and I knew I'd been caught staring.

I looked at the table and continued, "Well, the night progressed and I was able to get to a certain point. There was penetration, but then I got that anxious feeling in my chest and...um...well, I lost it--you know--and couldn't finish." I knew my face was redder than the berries right now.

"Okay," she said. "But how did Alice find out?"

"You know how girls talk. The next thing I knew she had arranged all of this with Rosalie, rescheduled my meetings and hid my lab materials, basically rearranging my life." Of course that was Alice's way and I didn't expect Bella to understand.

"So, she has good intentions, but gorilla methods?" She did understand. Could she be any more perfect? She had a bit of whipped cream in the corner of her mouth and my hands itched to pull her to me and lick it off. _Ahhh... where did that thought come from?_ I'd never reacted to any woman like this before. I had to keep these urges in line.

Lunch was perfect. Although I didn't learn much more about Bella, by the time we finished, I did feel much more comfortable with her and was ready for wherever our session would go.

--------------------

_**BPOV**_

I spent some time preparing lunch, making tortillas from scratch and setting the table so that everything was perfect. And Edward seemed to appreciate the effort.

When he talked about Tanya, I felt a stab of jealousy that I had no business feeling. Of course he'd have someone he was interested in. He was here to get over his performance issues for her. I had no right to feel the sting of disappointment that came with this revelation. We could never have a relationship more than that of doctor and patient. That was a given.

As we ate dessert I changed the subject, wanting to get back on a more positive footing. So I asked him about his work and I was completely fascinated by his ideas and inventions.

"It's simply greed that handicaps technology. We have the resources to do great things." His pink tongue darted out to lick a bit of whipped cream from the corner of his mouth and my heart pounded. I had to look away to concentrate on his words instead of the heat rushing through my body. "Laws don't offer solutions to problems. They just attempt to deal with them. Technology is what provides solutions."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

His eyes were remarkable before, but now they were simply alive with their own light. This was the real Edward. This was where he was comfortable. This was his passion. The shy, insecure man I'd met the day before was gone. "Instead of putting up a sign that says slippery when wet, put abrasives on the highways so they aren't slippery. If you want to avoid accidents, install sonar and radar in cars so that they can't hit each other. If a person gets into a car when they are drunk and the car weaves back and forth, there could be a pendulum in the car that would recognize the erratic movement and pull the car to the side of the road..."

Not only was this man gorgeous, he was brilliant. I'd never thought about these things before. He must have mistaken my avoidance of eye contact for disinterest as he stopped talking and, when I looked up again, his face was flushed.

"Sorry," he said and chuckled darkly. "I can get a little crazy about my work and I'm probably boring you."

I had to reassure him. "No, your ideas are amazing." Not to mention your eyes, and your voice, and that tongue--gah! I had to stop this. _He's a client. Keep it professional._ "So," I said as I loaded the dishwasher, "were you able to make a list for me last night?"

"Um, yeah." His voice seemed less sure now that we were leaving behind his comfort zone.

He followed me to my office and we worked through all of the memories on his list, much in the same way as the day before. I was thankful that his memories weren't terribly traumatic. Though they'd obviously been upsetting to him, there was no abuse in his past. The connection of energy I felt with him was just as strong as the previous day. And while I was a little rattled by just how strong it was, I felt really comfortable with him.

-----

It was near the end of the session when Edward sprang something new on me. "I have to tell you something, Bella, and you may think I'm crazy."

I still felt connected to him and I could feel his anxiety spike as he said the words. That alone made me sit up and listen keenly. What could possibly have him so upset? In my field of experience, anything was possible. He could have some bizarre fetish or be harboring child pornography. Not Edward. Please not Edward. Let him be normal--or as normal as people get.

"I can hear people's thoughts."

My first reaction was disbelief. That was impossible--wasn't it? I mean telepathy, come on. But I could tell when someone was lying to me. It was difficult not to when we were so connected. He was telling the truth.

Then the horror set in.

Could he really hear everything I was thinking? Panic gripped me. Could he know what's been going through my mind this whole time?

He continued speaking, apparently not noticing my panic attack. "It started about 8 years ago after a fishing accident. The boat I was in was hit by lightning. You might say I haven't been the same since."

The joke was lost on me as anger took over my emotions. Why didn't he tell me this right away? What an invasion of privacy. Was he laughing at me this whole time for these feelings I was having? I'd have to quit. I couldn't continue to treat him if he knew of every inappropriate thought I'd had about him. The disappointment I felt at the thought brought tears to my eyes. I blinked them back and tried not to let my voice shake as I asked, "You mean, you can hear what I'm thinking?"

"Well, no, actually. You are the one person I can't seem to hear." He looked like this was something he regretted.

Relief rushed through me at his words. _Thank God!_ But wait, did that mean there was something wrong with me? _Was I defective?_ I shook the thought off and tried to focus on him. "Well," I said, "that has to make for a lot of chatter going on in your head."

"Tell me about it," he said. "This is the only place I've experienced absolute silence in a long time."

I let the silence drag on, just trying to establish what this would mean to someone's life.

"So you can see how that makes things more difficult when I try to have sex. I can hear everything going on in the other person's head."

"Yes, I imagine that impacts a lot of things in your life." And it would. Imagine being able to hear your partner's thoughts. That could either be really good or really disastrous. I remembered the thoughts that had gone through my own mind during sex with the only partner I'd had "real" sex with as opposed to therapy sex. It had been very disappointing and if he'd been able to read my mind, he no doubt would have run away screaming.

But if you knew your partner's thoughts and were really into the sex, it could enhance your own pleasure. Maybe the answer was in the other person knowing of his gift so she could concentrate on all of the things that were turning her on about him.

I turned my attention back to Edward and felt the anxiety was still really high. I'd have to think about this more later--on my own time.

We tapped on his feelings of guilt and anger and frustration surrounding his gift and I think he felt better about it after another half hour.

I had to somehow start our surrogate sessions soon, but I knew he wasn't quite ready yet. We'd have to ease into it slowly. Then I had an idea.

I waited until he was leaving before I sprung it on him. "Oh, Edward," I said, trying to sound casual, "I have some homework for you again."

He met my eyes looking a little surprised. "Okay."

I had to just come out and say it. "I want you to try to masturbate tonight."

-------------------------------

_**EPOV**_

I should have been more comfortable at this point, but my face burned bright. In fact, it felt like the blush must have reached my toes and I quickly looked away as I tried to will the blood to retreat. "Really?" I waited for the anxiety to squeeze my chest as it normally would at this thought, but it never came. Maybe we really did get rid of all that emotional baggage today. Maybe I _could_ do this.

"Yes," she said and handed me a business card. "I think you're ready. If you experience any anxiety while you attempt this, I want you to call me no matter what time it is."

Now, I was beyond mortified. I could picture it now. I'd call her up in the middle of the night. _I'm sorry Dr. Swan but I'm having an anxiety attack while I try to jerk off._ I'd certainly die of embarrassment. _How am I ever going to get through this?_ Why did I think I could be cured?

She must have noticed my mood change. "Really Edward. You can do this. And I mean it--I want you to promise me you'll call if you have any problems. We'll tap and get you through it. I am here for you, 100%--promise?"

How could I promise her that?

But she clearly wasn't going to let me go until I did. I sighed. "Yeah, I promise."

------------------------------------------------

**Endnotes:**

**Ohhh… Poor Edward's got a big challenge ahead. Is he **_**up**_** to the task?**

_**I have to give credit where credit is due. Gary Craig is the discoverer of EFT techniques and most of my explanations about EFT come directly from him. You can download a free manual and get more info on the process at www(dot)emofree(dot)com**_

_**Edward's inventive ideas were taken from the brilliant mind of Jacques Fresco, founder of The Venus Project. He is an amazing man and is 93 years old and still going strong www(dot)thevenusproject(dot)com**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter notes: As some have pointed out, my fluffy story is not quite as fluffy as I led everyone to believe. There has to be some conflict in a story though or it would get boring quickly. So these characters will have some things to work through in order to achieve their HEA. But I am a sucker for a happy ending, so stick with me here. And I do promise that there won't be large chunks of angst in the story.**

**Special thanks****: A great big thanks to Bittenev for her super-beta skills and encouragement. ****She really is the best. If you haven't yet read her Stitches and Scars and When Fiction Becomes Reality which she has taken over writing from Bella of the Ball, well, what kind of rock have you been hiding under?**

**Disclaimer:**** I'm still not SM and I own nothing Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Chapter 3 **

**_BPOV_**

As I watched Edward leave I felt slightly guilty. I knew I had asked a lot of him. Not that the idea of trying to masturbate before I initiated a one-on-one session with him was a bad idea, but asking him to call me was certainly outside his comfort zone. I felt his anxiety spike when I said it, but I couldn't take it back and I couldn't keep him any longer to do more tapping. He'd already been here most of the afternoon and he had to be tired.

But we did need to get over this hurdle somehow if I was going to treat him. And I didn't know a painless way to do that considering how shy he was. What could I do?

If I were being honest about it, I was doing this for myself as well. Just the idea of him masturbating had my body humming. God, he was too gorgeous for his own good--or at least for my good.

I'd spent 7 years working in this business and I'd never had a client like Edward. Most of the men I treated suffered from impotence or sexual addictions. Some had suffered sexual abuse in childhood and they came to me broken and sometimes with criminal charges attached to them. I'd never had a client so pure and shy. And I'd certainly never had anyone affect me the way he did.

I thought back to my relationship with Jacob. We had been friends forever and it had just seemed natural to move into a relationship with him. We loved each other and it had been what everyone expected. But when it came to having sex, it had been fumbling and unsatisfying. The magic that I'd always read about in novels just wasn't there and I wondered if it was for anyone or if I was broken in some way.

And so the search began as I delved into the field of psychology. And while I'd never found that connection for myself, I had witnessed it in others. I'd helped many couples to find the intimacy that was missing in their lives.

I never really had time to stop and think about what was missing from my own life. The connection I felt with Edward after only 2 days was staggering and it would _have_ to turn out that he'd be my client. I couldn't do anything about that. And I knew that any feelings he developed for me would be based on gratitude and transference. All I could do at this point was enjoy the time I had with him and keep the memories with me. I may never find someone I could spend my life with, but if I could have this, even for a couple of weeks, it would be enough.

I shook off the thoughts and closed the door after watching him disappear down my drive. There was one thing I could do for him before I went about my evening routine. I pulled out the slip of paper where he'd written his sister's number for me and dialed her cell.

"Hello," she answered on the second ring, her voice a bright, tinkling sound.

"Hi," I said, "is this Alice?"

"Yes."

"This is Dr. Swan calling. I wanted to talk to you for a moment about your brother. Is this a good time?"

I could hear traffic in the background, the sound breaking up slightly. "Um..." she said, "the reception isn't great here. Would you like to meet for coffee?" She sounded hopeful.

I didn't really have a lot going on this evening and I had to make a grocery run. I wanted to be around if Edward called later, but I figured he'd likely put off his _homework_ for a bit. "Sure, why not? How about the coffee shop across from the grocery store on Fillmore St.?"

"Sure," she said and her phone was clipping more now. "20 minutes okay?"

"See you then."

I settled into a booth with my coffee and waited, thinking about what I wanted to say to her. I wanted to know more about Edward's gift and what made her set this up for him. But I also wanted her to give him a bit of space so that she wasn't adding to his stress.

I hadn't waited long when a small woman entered. Her hair was black and spiked and she almost danced when she walked. She ordered her coffee, rocking onto the balls of her feet.

Though she looked nothing like Edward, she was lovely, with fine bone structure and pale skin like a porcelain doll. I knew immediately it had to be his sister.

I waved her over and she joined me. "Hi, you must be Alice."

Her smile was blinding as she sat across from me. The energy coming from her was exuberant. "Dr. Swan?" She reached out to take my hand.

"You can call me Bella." I was suddenly nervous. "You probably wonder why I wanted to speak with you."

She looked a little sheepish. "Actually, I'm glad you called. I've been dying to meet you. I presume this is about my little brother." She chuckled at that and I could see why. Edward had to be almost two feet taller than she was.

"Well, yes." I drank some of my coffee as I thought about how to say this. I didn't want to insult her, but I didn't want to beat about the bush either. "Obviously you care about your brother very much and I can appreciate that. But, do you think you could give him some space for a little while?"

She looked surprised at this, like the thought had never crossed her mind. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Edward seems very shy and he is really struggling with this whole thing. He's going through a lot of stress right now. He finds it all very embarrassing, you know. So if you didn't push him for information for the next week or so, it would help a lot."

"Oh." She looked like she was thinking this over as she took a sip from her steaming mug. "Okay, I can probably do that."

"Thanks." Was it really that easy? Seemed too good to be true, but I'd take it.

The seconds passed in awkward silence before she asked, "So, what do you think of my brother?"

Blood rushed to my cheeks. "Well," I tried to will my reaction away, "he seems very nice." What was I supposed to say? _He's beautiful, brilliant, sexy and sweet all at the same time_. The truth was he was all of those things and more.

"He is that." She ran her finger around the rim of her cup. "He's really something isn't he?"

I nodded in response.

"He's never gotten on well with people. I worry about him. We were so happy that you agreed to take him on during your sabbatical. Rose says that if anyone can help him, you can."

"I will help him, Alice. You can count on it." I'd never failed a client and Edward wouldn't be the first. She didn't need to know how this would affect me. I didn't really know how it would affect me yet. Maybe I was getting too soft for this career.

"This has been really hard for him," she said in little more than a whisper. "He's had to watch us in our relationships and our love for one another and he's been so alone all this time. I know he has his work--his inventions--but he locks himself up in his lab in that little house of his and no one sees him for weeks on end sometimes. And while he is busy and he enjoys his work, he doesn't really seem happy. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I guess I do." I knew all too well what she meant. Though my own work involved seeing people all the time, I didn't really get close to anyone. It was amazing to think that you could hear people's deepest secrets and even have sex with some of them and not feel close to them. And while I'd had lots of sex, I'd never really been in love--not the earth shattering kind of love.

"Okay." Alice interrupted my thoughts. "I'll make you a deal. You go shopping with me in the morning and I'll back off completely for the next week."

I bristled slightly. _Shopping? Was she crazy? What kind of person proposes shopping as a favor?_ It was a strange request and I didn't know quite what to say.

She must have understood my hesitation because she leaned forward and put a hand on my forearm. "Please, Bella. Just a bit of shopping? Some girl time. Give me an hour or so and I'll stay out of your way. I won't ask Edward anything about you or about how things are going for a whole week."

I couldn't argue. I needed Edward to be comfortable and Alice was nice, if a bit intimidating with her exuberance. I could stand to pick up a few things, to freshen my wardrobe. "Okay," I relented. "One hour."

She squealed like a little girl and I couldn't help but chuckle. "I'll pick you up at 9:00 sharp."

----------------

_**EPOV**_

I went for a run when I got home, trying to clear my head. I couldn't believe how much my life had changed in the past couple of days. Under normal circumstances, I'd come home and lose myself in my work. It was the one place where I could just get into the zone and forget everything else. It was impossible to concentrate on anything while I created. But since Alice had confiscated most of my lab materials--even my easel, there was nothing left to do but think.

I ran hard for a full hour, not seeing anyone or hearing anyone's thoughts. It was what I loved about where I lived. I'd bought a large wildlife conservation area of 50 acres shortly after the accident and built a house that I designed myself. When I was in town there was absolutely no silence, no peace whatsoever. But out here, it wasn't often that I had to put up with much chatter. It was nice to be alone with my thoughts.

It wasn't until I could see the house that I took stock of my screaming muscles. I didn't often push them quite this hard but the endorphins helped temper the stress I was feeling.

After a long shower, I sat at my piano and just got lost for awhile. I knew I was putting off the inevitable, but I didn't care. It was the only way I could wind down and relax. I knew it was going to be a long night. I didn't usually sleep more than four or five hours and without my lab to keep my occupied, well, there was nothing to do but think about Bella and my therapy.

I cursed Alice once again. _Interfering little pixie_. But my family had backed her up, holding it all hostage in my parent's garage.

"Just for a few weeks," Esme had said. "It will all still be waiting for you then, exactly as you left it. Time is what you need right now. Go for long walks, write a journal, read books, play your piano, spend some time getting to know yourself again."

And I had to admit that Esme's advice had never failed me yet. I pulled out the leather bound journal that had been their gift to me and poured out all of my feelings and insecurities. It was frightening to step so far outside my comfort zone for therapy, but Bella made it bearable somehow. As much as I dreaded the therapy in the beginning, I had to admit I looked forward to seeing her each time. I didn't want to think about how all of this would end so I just concentrated on Bella for now, writing down every detail I could remember about her.

When I finished, it was still early for bed, but I figured I'd better try to fulfill Bella's request. If I had a problem, I certainly didn't want to call her in the middle of the night. I chuckled at the thought. Would I really call her? I had promised of course, but still. It was too embarrassing to fathom.

But then, maybe I wouldn't need to worry about it.

I sat back on my couch and thought about her. She'd been very patient and caring with my therapy so far.

I allowed myself to think about what it would be like to have sex with her. God she was so beautiful—and not in that artificially molded way that Tanya had been. She was very natural—like the girl from an Ivory commercial. In the two days I'd known her, she affected me more than anyone had before.

I thought about the way her hair spilled over her shoulders. What would it feel like to tangle my hands in it while I kissed her? Her mouth was full and a delicious pink. I wondered if she would taste as good as she smelled.

And her curves were lovely--her breasts full and round. What would they feel like in my hands? I reached down and freed myself from my flannel sleep pants. I was hard.

My hand felt warm and I imagined it was her small hand holding me. I squeezed and ran my hand over my length. God, it felt good. It had been so long since I'd touched myself this way.

I imagined her brown eyes even darker with lust. She'd lean in and kiss me while her hand gripped me tighter. I pictured us on the black leather couch in her office. I'd pull her into my lap, letting my hands roam over her body, feeling her soft skin before dipping into her wet warmth. She'd moan into my neck as I felt her, slippery against my fingers. I'd let my tongue trail over her neck, nipping below her ear.

The image was almost too much. The feel of my hand tightening on my erection, pretending it was Bella's, took me higher than I had been in years.

And that thought brought me crashing back down to earth. A face flashed into my mind--a beautiful face--Bella's face, contorted with anger and disgust. I softened immediately as the anxiety grew, squeezing my chest.

I took some deep breaths as the ache in my balls grew unbearable. I groaned. It was no use.

I knew I should call her. I'd promised I would. But I couldn't make myself do it. I could still see her face in my mind, with that disappointed, disgusted look on it. Logically, I knew that would never happen. I'd only known Bella for a couple of days, but I knew she'd never look at me that way. But something in my imagination had conjured up that image. The fear was real even though the image wasn't.

I let out a sigh of frustration. I'd never felt more mortified. But I couldn't call her. I'd just have to wait until tomorrow when I saw her again.

There was no way I'd get to sleep now. I might as well go back to playing the piano for awhile. Just as I was got up, the phone rang. "What the..."

"Hello?" Who could be calling at this time of night?

"Hi Edward." Her soft voice made the heat rush to my face.

"Bella," I squeaked.

"Um, I just thought I'd call to see if everything was okay. Are you having any problems?"

How could she possibly know that? _What the hell?_ And how was I supposed to answer? The frustration and embarrassment over the whole situation was just too much. But I couldn't lie about it. Could the night get any worse? "Uh...yeah, I guess I am."

"Didn't you promise you'd call me?" she asked, but I could hear the humor in her voice.

"Well, yeah." I sighed. "I guess I was just too embarrassed." I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. And if I was too embarrassed before, I was completely mortified now. But wait! "How did you know?"

The line was silent for a minute and I wondered if she was going to answer before she spoke again. "Well, when we work together I feel like I'm connected to you, like we're sharing the same energy. I can feel what you're feeling to some degree." She chuckled. "And I just got this really anxious feeling that wasn't mine and I assumed it must be you."

As if that was the most normal thing in the world. Maybe I wasn't the only one with a gift. "Does that always happen with your clients?"

"To some extent--yes. But it's much stronger with you." There was something in her voice I couldn't quite place. Was it regret or longing? No, probably just wishful thinking on my part. But it was fleeting and gone by the time she continued. "I've never been able to feel someone's anxiety when we were apart before."

"Oh." _That's interesting._

"So, how do you feel now?" she asked.

I took a moment to listen to my body. The heaviness in my chest was gone--completely. "Better I guess." I couldn't really understand it. "But I was just having an anxiety attack."

She was quiet for a moment. "Well, I'm tapping for you. It feels manageable to me now. Is that accurate?"

"Yes. There's nothing." How could she be tapping for me when she was so far away? It didn't make sense.

"So," she said. "What do you say we give it a try together--on the phone?"

She wanted to have phone sex? My anxiety spiked briefly and disappeared again. Maybe I could get through this with her. The tapping really did seem to make a difference. And God help me but I wanted to try this with her.

"All right," I said. "How do we start?" I had absolutely no idea what to say.

"Well," her voice was slightly deeper with a husky quality to it, "what are you wearing?"

I couldn't help it then I just laughed loud. How clichéd could we get? I was relieved to hear her tinkling laugh in return. At least I didn't insult her. By the time I calmed down enough to reply, I realized that my current attire was as unsexy as possible. "Some flannel PJ pants and a t-shirt. Nothing too sexy I'm afraid."

She laughed again. "Actually, picturing you in loungewear is very sexy."

And it sounded sexy when she said it like that. I tried to speak then but only managed a squeak before she continued. "Right now I'm thinking about touching you. I'd start with your face, trace the lines of your cheekbone and jaw and run my thumb over your lower lip--feeling the softness of your skin there."

My breathing picked up as she spoke and I felt a tingling in my skin as if she really were touching me. I grabbed a towel and the hand cream from my bathroom and positioned myself on my bed, lying across the covers.

"I'd be tempted to stop there and replace my thumb with my lips. I'd fantasize about kissing you, but I wouldn't do it yet."

"Why not?" I asked, my voice sounding much lower than usual.

"Because I'd want to enjoy thinking about it for a little longer--the way your skin would feel brushing against mine--the taste of your sweet mouth. If it's anything like the way you smell, I might never stop kissing you."

"Mmmm... you smell nice too, Bella, like strawberries and freesia." I licked my lips thinking about her lips against mine. The contact felt electric every time she brushed against me. What would it feel like to actually kiss her?

"Well, then I'd kiss you and run my fingers through your hair. I bet it's as soft as it looks. I'd love to tangle my fingers in it. I'd slip my tongue into your mouth to taste you properly."

God she had only talked about kissing me and I was getting hot and bothered. I wondered for a moment just how far down her long neck that glorious blush would creep.

"Edward," her voice felt like silk against my skin. "I want you to touch yourself now. If I were there with you I'd let my hands wander over the hard muscles of your chest to your abs. I'd follow my hands with my lips, kissing and licking and nipping at your skin as I went."

Her breathing was coming faster now. Was she really getting turned on talking to me over the phone? How could I be sure she wasn't just putting it on? Did it matter?

"I'm touching myself now."

I gasped at her statement and I felt myself get painfully hard once again. I ran my fingers over my skin and it was as though we were connected. I could almost feel her wet tongue against my abdomen and her teeth nipping at my hips. I groaned.

"Mmmm... Do you like that, Edward? The thought of me rubbing myself while I think about you?" She panted into my ear and my own breathing began to match hers.

"Yes…" I hissed out. The ache in my groin was growing painful. I hadn't felt like this since I was 13... since… And that thought took me back in time. My erection once again withered and died as the memory began to play in my head. Her beautiful face, the wagging finger and the disappointment in her eyes--only this time the face was Bella's, rather than the crush from my teen years.

"Edward?" Her voice was higher now, though still thick with desire. "I've lost you, haven't I?"

Heat flooded my face and I cringed. I'd ruined her orgasm as well as my own. My groin felt heavy and a dull ache settled in. I groaned in disappointment and embarrassment. How could I keep talking to her after this? I would die of humiliation. "Yes, I'm sorry."

Her voice was calmer now. "I felt the connection break. And don't apologize for that. I'm the one who should be sorry. Are you okay? Do you have any physical symptoms right now--nausea, pain?"

"I think I'm physically safe, unless someone can die of embarrassment." The words slipped through my filter and I groaned again.

"You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. Was it a memory that distracted you?"

"Yes and no," I said my voice small. Was I really going to tell her this? Could I? Ah hell, she'd get it out of me one way or another. "Actually, I was picturing you, and--well…" God, could this get any more mortifying? "It was the look of disappointment and disgust on your face that did it."

She was quiet for a bit then. I knew my face would be permanently stained from here on out. There was no going back. Maybe I could move to Canada--some place where no one would know me. I could start over--maybe become a monk. Yeah, that could work…

"Breathe, Edward." Her voice interrupted my thoughts. "C'mon, nice deep breaths."

I followed her advice, breathing slow and deep like I had in her office that first day. It wasn't long before the anxiety was gone and the embarrassment was down to a tolerable level. I felt better all around, except for that ache in my groin. Just how many false starts could one man take?

"How are you feeling now, Edward?" she asked, her voice breaking into my thoughts.

"Better," I said, "calmer."

"I'm glad," she said. The silence stretched on for a minute. "You know you don't have to worry about me having that kind of a reaction to you, don't you?"

Ah we were back to that. I thought about her words for a moment. Of course I didn't really think she would do anything like that. She was a professional as well as a nice person. "Well, yes--logically, I know you wouldn't." And I did know, but apparently some part of me doubted.

"But there's a difference between knowing and really feeling it." She always seemed to know exactly what I meant. "Okay, just to relieve your anxiety, I'll tell you this," she said, sounding like she was revealing some deep dark secret. "Even if I wasn't your therapist and I didn't have rules and etiquette to follow, I could never, ever feel disappointed or disgusted with you--ever. You are very much the opposite of disappointing in any way. You understand me?"

"Yes," I said, and for the moment I actually believed it.

"So how do you feel now?"

"Well," I started, taking stock once again of my body's reactions. She must have still been tapping for me because I felt quite calm and the insecurities I suffered from a moment ago were gone. "I feel calm actually--much better."

"And physically, how do you feel?"

All of the tightening in my chest was gone now, but the ache remained. "Um…I'm good." There was no way I could tell her _that,_ even though I wouldn't likely be getting to sleep any time soon_._

"C'mon Edward. You promised me the truth."

_How does she do that?_ If I didn't know better, I'd say she was the one with the mind reading abilities. "Okay," I said, my heart drumming on my chest so hard I was sure she could hear it over the phone. "I still ache quite a lot, you know..."

She chuckled, her voice low again. "I was hoping you'd say that. Are you willing to give it another try? Or are you too tired?"

She was giving me an out. I could hang up now and channel my energy into something for the next few hours--or maybe the rest of the night. But if I was to be honest about it, I didn't want to--I didn't want the out. "So," I said, "what are you wearing?"

She laughed outright at that and I was filled with a desire to hear the sound again. "Hmm… I just had a shower actually, so I'm just wearing a robe and I've pretty much wriggled out of it."

And I could see it as she said it, her creamy skin against the black leather couch in her office. I shivered at the thought and felt myself harden instantly.

---------------------------

_**BPOV**_

I felt like such an idiot for suggesting this. It probably would have been better to do this in person. I wasn't physically there to help him the way that I should have been. But I felt like this gave him a bit of privacy and enough distance to be more open with me--to let go of that shy demeanor.

It was just my good fortune that he had been so brave and wonderful, facing his fears dead on and beating them down at a time when he might have panicked and just hung up on me. I felt guilty for asking if he wanted to continue. It was as much for my own benefit as for his and that was just shameful. It was my duty to stay focused on the client. And that generally wasn't a problem--with anyone but Edward.

God, I'd never responded so completely to another person before. His soft velvety voice thrilled me and spoke to some primitive part inside me. I knew where he was in his emotions--I could feel them as if they were my own. I knew exactly when I lost him too, when the guilt and embarrassment overtook him. And I knew when he got caught up in me again. As soon as I mentioned that I was naked, I felt the surge of energy shoot through my own body in response to his excitement. I was sure that if he were here he'd be a delicious shade of red.

Maybe I should shift the focus. If focusing on his own body created these humiliating responses, perhaps focusing on mine would let him get past it. It was worth a try.

"God, I can feel that, Edward." My breathing picked up and I felt myself leaking out onto my robe. "I can feel the surge of energy, even over the phone. Can you feel it?"

He answered with a throaty moan. "Yes."

"Can you feel how wet I am for you? It's spilling out onto my thighs and my robe."

He groaned, a deep rumbling sound. "God, Bella," he answered. "I can almost smell you."

I reached down and touched myself, thinking how wonderful his long fingers would feel. I moaned. "If I was there, I'd take you in my mouth. My mouth is watering at the mere thought of it--of having you hot and hard in my mouth--feeling your pulse racing against my tongue. Mmmm... I bet you taste even better than you smell."

His breathing quickened and he groaned. I could feel both his arousal and my own. It spurred me on quickly--almost too quickly. I was getting carried away and I couldn't allow that. I'd never responded like this to anyone before and the power of it scared me. I was suddenly thankful for the distance of the phone for my own sake. I pushed the thought away. I could deal with it later. Right now, I had Edward on the phone and he was sitting in his home stroking himself while thinking about me.

"Oh, Edward," I moaned. "I can't believe how turned on you make me--with just your voice. It's so soft and velvety, just like I imagine your touch would be." I could hear how wet I was now, as I quickened my strokes and I imagine he could as well. "Do you hear that?"

"God, yes," he panted. "I hear it."

"I'm imagining these are your fingers stroking me now." I couldn't stop the words now--couldn't filter them. And if I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. "Those long perfect fingers, disappearing inside me, pumping into me. The taste of your tongue as I kiss you. Those beautiful emerald eyes, dark with want."

His voice was husky and it spurred me on even more. "I wish I could see you now, touch you."

I was soaked for him and every word--every noise--he made drove me crazier. There was no turning back now. I was climbing quickly and somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware of the need to take him with me. I stepped up the pace, rubbing quickly, making the sloshing sounds as loud as possible. "Making me cum. Are you gonna cum with me, baby?"

The sounds coming from his mouth were pure sin. He gasped and moaned and panted. "Yeah," he breathed.

But I couldn't wait. I was losing it quickly. "Here I cum," I squealed as the feeling overcame me completely. I closed my eyes and arched my back as my world came apart in fierce sparks of light. Every nerve ending was on fire. And I heard him find his release as well as he moaned my name and grunted.

It took several minutes before I could control my breathing. I'd just had the most intense orgasm of my life and we weren't even in the same room. I pulled myself out of the recovery and thought about Edward again--what this meant for him. I felt an incredible surge of pride and accomplishment that weren't mine and I smiled, savoring the moment.

"Wow," he finally spoke. "That was amazing."

I could hear the emotion in his voice. It was his way of saying thank you and I'd take it, even though I felt like I was the one who should be saying it to him. I'd just bent every rule in my arsenal. But I realized that Edward was a special case. He needed my reaction to him where my other clients hadn't--at least not in the same way. I wasn't sure how valid that thought was, but I was going to let myself believe it for now. I knew at some point reality would come crashing in, but I had to savor this moment. I had to savor Edward while I could.

"Wow, is right!"

-----------------------------

_**EPOV**_

I couldn't believe it when I actually heard her excitement--the sloppy, juicy sounds of her fingers playing in her sex. It sent off sparks through my body that I couldn't explain. She wasn't faking this for my sake. She was actually this aroused from talking to _me_ and fantasizing about me.

"I'm imagining these are your fingers stroking me now," she said, her voice deep and husky with lust. Just the sound of her voice was sending electric shocks straight to my erection.

I pumped some cream from my nightstand into my hand and tightened my grip, imagining her juices coating me as I stroked myself. What would she feel like around me, all wet and slippery? I groaned out some words, wishing I could see her face and touch her soft skin. I imagined how firm and heavy her round breasts would feel how her nipples would pebble under my fingers. What would they taste like?

And with that image in mind, I wasn't able to form words. I just moaned and panted, letting the feeling completely overtake me.

"Here I cum," she gasped out, her voice pure sex. I pictured her beautiful face, scrunched up in concentration as she came. My hand moved faster, pumping in a frantic rhythm, the cream making slurping noises, just like her juices had just a moment ago. And the sounds and images took me over the edge along with her.

Heat spread through my groin, and outward to my limbs, making my toes curl with the power of my climax. It was long and intense and unlike anything I'd felt before. The dim memories of orgasms in my early teens didn't come close to this. I grabbed a towel and mopped myself up as I panted into the phone, trying to calm my breathing so that I could speak. "Wow," was about all I could manage. "Amazing." And it was. It was the most intense feeling I'd ever had. Pure bliss.

And she was panting just as hard. The idea that I'd had some part in Bella's orgasm squeezed my heart. Her words from earlier actually rang true for me now. Whatever happened in my past, I wasn't a disappointment to her. An intense surge of pride rushed through me.

We hung up not long after that after making plans to meet at her house again the next day at 1:00. I felt an endless amount of hope that had never really been there before. I really could get over my issues. I was sure of that now.

But there were things that I wasn't sure of as well. How would I feel tomorrow when I had to face Bella again? What would she think of me? And most importantly, I may be able to get over my issues with her help, but would I be able to get over Bella after my therapy ended and she left my life?

I didn't have the answers, but I couldn't worry about that tonight. This would have to be enough for now--and it was. I had this perfect moment and, whatever came of tomorrow, no one could take it from me. I rolled over and fell into the deepest sleep I'd experienced in years and dreamed of a beautiful, dark-haired angel.

-------------------------------------------

**Endnotes:**

**Awww… Isn't blushing Edward a sweetie? Now don't you want to curl up with virgin Edward in your bed? C'mon?**

**I'm betting tomorrow's meeting could be awkward. **

**This is my first stab at writing anything close to smut. I'm eager to hear your reactions. So share your thoughts with me. Pretty please with Edward on top?**

**----------------------------------------------------  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter notes:**

**Thank you to everyone for the reviews. They are encouraging and greatly appreciated. **

**A great big thanks to Bittenev for her super-beta skills and encouragement.**

**And thanks to Twilightzoner for her speedy validation. **

**Disclaimer:**

**I'm still not SM and I own nothing Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Some of the events in Edward's backstory are based on the life of the brilliant inventor Jacques Fresco of The Venus Project. ****.com**

**-----**

**Chapter 4**

_**BPOV**_

I met Alice at the cafe the next morning. She bounced as she waited, never stilling for a minute. My cheeks flushed and I felt a pang of guilt as I saw her. It was difficult not to remember what I'd been doing with her brother the previous night.

"Hi Alice," I called.

"Yeah! You're finally here," she said at the same time. She threw her arms around me in a hug and, before I knew it, she was leading me to her car. Talking very quickly as she named about a dozen clothing stores.

_Talk about a shop-a-holic._ Maybe I could introduce her to a therapist to help her with that.

"Alice, just how many shops do you think we can fit into an hour?"

"Well, to tell you the truth I have a personal shopper and I told him all about you last night. He was here before they opened, preparing a selection of the best clothes from all of the shops I mentioned. Think of it as power shopping."

I checked her face for some sign that she was kidding. But I saw nothing to indicate she was anything but serious. _Wow! Edward's family will intervene to get help for his very personal sexual problems, yet his sister has a chronic shopping addiction and they do nothing. _

I decided to let it go. Because, let's face it, I had the best sex of my life the previous night, with her virgin brother, and we hadn't even been in the same house. And to think that sex was my job--my profession. How ironic was that?

I chuckled and decided to change the subject. I could let it go for now. "So, tell me about Edward. Has he always been shy?"

She flashed me a big smile, like she'd discovered more from my question than I intended to give away. "Well," she said as we pulled into the parking lot of the mall, "Yeah, I'd say Edward was always a loner. He spends a lot of time listening to music and just thinking."

Somehow that didn't surprise me. "How did he do in school? Did he have any friends?"

"Not really," she answered with a sigh. "Actually he quit school in the 8th grade. Edward is a genius and you know they don't always fit into a school situation. By the time he was 10 he was asking a lot of questions--questions boys that age shouldn't be asking and that made for a lot of conflicts with his teachers."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I guess it would be difficult to have a student in your 4th grade class who is better read than the teacher." She pulled into the parking lot of the mall and I realized that she must have been driving like a maniac to get there so quickly. She turned to me as she spoke. "Anyway, the principal saw something in Edward and he sectioned off part of the classroom and bought some special lab equipment with his own money. They let him read about the things that interested him. He was really happy for awhile." Her smile didn't reach her eyes as she continued, "But the other kids didn't like that he got special treatment and so they started picking at him. Then when he was 13, his principal died and he was no longer allowed the special privilege. So he built his own lab in the basement and he stopped going to school."

"So, he just never fit into the mold then? That makes sense." I could relate to Edward on so many levels. I'd never fit into the system either. I had difficulty surviving in the big world out there. I never knew what to say in social interactions. I always felt stiff and uncomfortable. But in the world that I'd created--in my therapy I was powerful. I could tap into someone else's energy and take away all of their grief and regret and fear and give them peace.

-----

We walked through the mall and I was surprised at how difficult it was to keep up with Alice. For a little person, she sure could move. We walked into an unmarked store front. Maybe it was space that companies would rent to use for periods of time.

I followed Alice through a maze of hallways to a room in the back. The room was long and narrow and lined with clothing displays.

"James?" Alice called, disturbing my racing thoughts and making me jump.

A blond man about my height appeared at her side. I hadn't even heard him approach. "Miss Alice," He crooned and took her hand and ducked into a sweeping bow, kissing her hand. "How good it was to hear from you yesterday."

He moved to stand beside Alice and surveyed me with the air of a very gay tailor. "Ah yes," James said, "I see what you mean Alice. I think the colors you mentioned will compliment her lovely complexion." He pulled out a rack of clothes and rolled it over to us.

As James continued to stare at me, Alice started pulling dresses and lingerie from the rack. She handed me some things and gestured to a curtained off area. "We'd better get started."

James had the good sense to take a hint. "I'll leave you ladies to it then. I'll be out front if you need me." He pivoted on his heel and sashayed out the door we'd entered.

------

Alice made me model each outfit for her. She had an uncanny ability to pick the right sizes and styles for me. Even the lingerie fit like a glove, though I wouldn't model it for her. I had never really owned lingerie before, and I'd never had the desire. I had some nice bra and panty sets, but I'd never bothered with anything more elaborate than that. But now I wanted some. I picked out a couple of nice silk baby doll sets and some bras and panties just because they were so cute. I told myself that this had nothing to do with Edward. I'd never bought lingerie for a client before and that certainly was _not_ what I was doing.

Unfortunately, James made a big show of holding up each piece for Alice as he wrapped them and put them in the bag. My face was burning scarlet by the time he was finished.

Alice smiled knowingly and handed me another bag when I was through. "Do you have time to get a bite to eat?"

"Um sure," I said, looking at my watch and noticing that we really had been only an hour. "What is this?" I held the bag out so that she'd know what I was talking about.

"Oh just a couple of dresses. They looked so good, I couldn't help myself." She gave me the big eyes and pouty lip.

I sighed. "Alice, I can buy my own clothes."

"I know you can. This is just my way of thanking you for coming with me today."

I smiled. "Well, you do have good taste. Okay. But I'm buying lunch."

-------

We settled into a booth in the small restaurant in the mall for a sandwich before we parted ways.

"So, Alice, tell me a bit about yourself. Are you married?"

"No, actually. I was in a relationship for a couple of years but we went our separate ways last year. His work took him to England and I decided it wasn't going to work for me. I need to be near my family and, I don't know, our relationship wasn't enduring enough I guess." She seemed very calm about the whole thing.

"But I thought you said that Edward had trouble watching everyone around him in relationships. You mean he's never had a relationship at all?" I had trouble believing that.

"Yeah, Edward had a girlfriend in high school for a short time, but nothing serious." She looked so sad when she talked about him. "What about you?" she asked. "Why aren't you in a relationship--or are you?"

I took a bite of my sandwich while I thought about her question. I'd had some relationship opportunities over the past few years. Rose was always trying to fix me up with someone. But I never really clicked with anyone. "No," I said, washing my food down with a mouthful of juice. "I haven't had much luck in the relationship department. It's kind of difficult, with my occupation and all. Not many men would be that understanding." And it was the truth. No man I had met would be secure enough to let his girlfriend be a sexual surrogate. And I hadn't met anyone worth giving it up for.

Alice looked like she understood more than I'd told her. "Yeah, I guess you're right." She paused for a moment as if she was weighing her words carefully. "What about Edward? He seems to really like you?"

My cheeks flushed with her comment. I couldn't help but be pleased even though I knew a relationship with Edward was impossible. I wanted him to like me. Alice ate, but I could see her watching me from the corner of her eye, gauging my reaction. "Well, Edward is a great guy, but he's a patient. So a relationship isn't really possible."

She didn't argue and I was relieved. We ate in silence for awhile before she asked the questions everyone wants to know but few people were brave enough to ask me. "What's it like? Do you have sex with all your patients?"

I almost choked on my juice, surprised by her boldness. Then I chuckled at her earnest expression. It was refreshing to be around Alice. This was someone I could really be friends with. I hadn't had a good friend since I moved away from Forks and the idea made me feel content in an odd way.

"No, I don't have sex with everyone. I counsel couples and individuals. I only have sex with the patients who have real sexual hurdles that they need to overcome in order to get better. Usually they are people who have suffered some abuse or who have performance issues."

"What do you do for couples?" Her eyes danced with excitement as she scrunched her face up in concentration. "I mean, I'm picturing you watching as they have sex and critiquing their performance--kind of like Simon Cowell on American Idol."

I laughed out loud at that. "No, I don't do that, but I could see where that would make a fun TV show--Reality Porn."

Her answering laugh was a high tinkling sound, like ice in a glass. "I can see it now. Your foreplay was good, but that climax needs some work."

"No, couples come to me with their bedroom troubles. The men usually come thinking that they'll pick up some new positions, but usually what's missing is intimacy. I generally have them sit in a sexual position, fully clothed and look into each others eyes. I give them advice on focusing their attention on pleasing each other, feeling every touch and caress to the fullest extent, rather than just concentrating on what they are doing and what position they are in."

Alice looked genuinely interested and we talked for awhile before I realized that it was time I got home and prepared to see Edward.

------

------

_**EPOV**_

My morning was very strange. I wasn't used to sleeping so late--or much at all--and it made me feel a little disoriented.

Then the reason for my miraculous night's sleep came crashing back to me. I'd had my first orgasm in over 10 years--no not even that. The orgasms I had as a young teen could compare in no way to the intense pleasure I'd received from my phone conversation with Bella.

It had been the single most embarrassing and erotic thing that had ever happened to me. God what kind of fool was I turning into?

I was always the pragmatic one who could be counted on to do the right thing in any situation. Yet here I was obsessing over my psychiatrist. I guess it was a natural reaction--to feel this way for someone who brought me the kind of pleasure and release that I'd been missing all this time. She'd had other clients who had no doubt moved on with their lives once the therapy was finished. I'd just have to do the same. I was over thinking everything.

I'd just enjoy the time I had and worry about the aftermath later. Yeah! That really didn't sound like me. I'd always set my sights on the goal, created a plan to get there and followed it, never wavering. This time, the path had been chosen for me, by Alice and my family, but I consented to the therapy because I wanted a more normal life. I did want to get over my problems. Falling for my psychiatrist was not part of the plan, and I was afraid I was in danger of doing just that. But if I were to be honest about it, the idea of leaving and never seeing her again made the anxiety clench tight in my chest. That wasn't an option.

I groaned in frustration as I ate breakfast and prepared to see Bella this afternoon. I didn't know what she had planned today and my nerves were playing havoc with the whole situation. It had seemed so natural on the phone. I hadn't had to worry about anything. But the thought of seeing her made me more nervous than I had been that first day.

After getting dressed, I sat at my piano and played for awhile to calm my nerves. I was surprised I hadn't seen Alice yet this morning. She didn't usually let me away with putting her off, certainly not more than once. As my fingers ghosted over the keys, I was able to lose track of time and get into the music. A new song started to take form, filling me up with a sort of happiness that I had never really felt before.

------

By the time I arrived at Bella's I was 10 minutes late. That's what happens when I get lost in music. I gasped when she opened the door. Her hair, still damp from the shower, curled in soft waves over her shoulders. Her cheeks were flushed, probably from the heat. She wore a blue silk dress that clung to her petite form in all the right places. I stood, dumbstruck for a moment.

"Hi," she said, pulling me out of my haze. "Come in." She stepped back to let me pass.

I cleared my throat in hopes that my voice wouldn't squeak. "Hi. Sorry about that. You look... stunning."

She laughed. "Thanks. I went shopping with your sister this morning."

I startled at that information. "Really? With Alice?"

She led me down the hall to her office. "Yeah. She's quite the force to be reckoned with."

I pictured poor Bella going through stores with Alice. The picture didn't seem to fit. "Um, yeah, she can't pass a cash register without seeing if it works."

"Definite shopping addiction." Bach was playing softly in the background and she had tea and shortbread laid out on the table today.

Well at least that explained why Alice hadn't been around to bug me this morning. "So, how did the little pixie rope you into a shopping trip exactly?" I stirred a bit of honey and lemon into my tea and took a sip.

Her face flushed darker still. That was interesting. Bella didn't seem like the blushing type. "Well, we made a bargain. She shouldn't be bothering you about your therapy for the next week at least."

I choked on my tea, sputtering between coughs. "Really?" I couldn't believe she would do that for me. She was brilliant. "Wow, thanks. You're a brave woman."

She laughed. "It wasn't so bad really. Alice is fun, if a little scary. I've lived here for a few years now but I don't have many friends. It was nice to get out for a bit and she does have good taste."

"I'll say," I muttered, hoping it was too low for her to hear. It was hard to believe she didn't have a lot of friends though. She was easy to talk to and interesting. But I was secretly glad that we had that one thing in common. I'd never felt connected to anyone beyond my family. Yet, I could see how easy it would be to be friends with someone like Bella--someone who could accept me as I was.

I had thought that seeing her again would be awkward, but it had all dissolved when I saw her, and the conversation about Alice was sufficient to distract me from my worries. But now that we were approaching my therapy again, I began to get nervous.

------

-----

_**BPOV**_

I'd taken the time to shower and make myself presentable for my appointment with Edward today. I didn't anticipate having intercourse, but thought we might build a bit on what we started last night.

When I opened the door, his jaw dropped and his eyes darkened along with his cheeks. He was so adorable in the green pinstriped shirt and tan pants. I could feel the heat radiating off him and I had to refrain from leaning into him as I invited him in. He smelled so fresh. I didn't know what that smell was exactly but if I could bottle it, I'd sell it by the gallon.

I shook off my thoughts and tried to refrain from getting too close until I could clear my mind. I made conversation about his sister, hoping it would distract him and myself. Edward was so witty.

I hadn't laughed so much in ages. And it did alleviate the tension for a few minutes. But it wasn't long before I felt his apprehension spike and it spurred my own nerves.

I couldn't avoid the topic forever.

"So, Edward, we made some good progress last night."

His cheeks reddened in reply. "Um, yeah, I guess we did." His eyes were trained on his tea cup and, no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn't make eye contact. We were back to the discomfort. I had to stop it before we lost all the ground we'd gained.

"Edward?" I waited for him to look up. It took a minute or two.

"Yes," he said, his voice so soft I could barely hear him.

"I thought we were past all the evasiveness. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, you know." I smiled my most encouraging smile.

He chuckled. "Yeah, I know. It's just hard for me to feel comfortable."

"I know, and you are doing really well. I thought I'd have more trouble today getting you to loosen up. It's to be expected." And it was--especially since he'd been so shy to begin with. "Do we need to do some tapping on your discomfort?"

"Okay."

------

After a couple of rounds, he seemed much more comfortable. I couldn't feel any anxiety coming from him any more.

"So," he asked, looking more at ease as he leaned back into the couch. "How is it that you can feel what I'm feeling? Do you have a gift like mine?"

"I don't think so. I mean it's like intuition and it's accessible to anyone. Most people who work with energy therapies develop some measure of being able to share the same energy field as their clients. It's really just learning to trust the intuition that takes practice." Of course that didn't explain why it was stronger with him. But I didn't really understand that myself yet, so I couldn't very well explain it.

"And how did you do that tapping on the phone for me last night. I mean, you weren't even in the same room." His eyes shone with genuine interest. This was Scientist Edward, ever hungry for information. And he was mesmerizing. I found myself leaning into him as we spoke--a couple of geeks getting off on the quest for information.

"Well, it's hard to explain, but when I can feel your emotions, I just have to tap on myself and it works almost as well as tapping on you. And it doesn't matter where we are. If we're on the phone together, and we are interacting, then I can feel what you feel. That works the same with anyone. In fact, I could just concentrate on tapping on you, without actually touching you, and it would work most of the time. I know that must sound bizarre to a scientist..."

He looked stunned. "Would you mind showing me that sometime?"

"Sure, but now I think we should get back to your therapy. We'll work on mental tapping later."

Cue the blush. God he was the cutest thing. I was just itching to be able to touch him again. And since it was time to step up the therapy, I gave into the urge and reached out to squeeze his forearm.

"How do you feel now? Are you ready to work on some more physical work?"

I waited expectantly and was satisfied when he nodded.

"Okay, here you have it, every boy's fantasy. You don't have to be concerned about anything here--you don't need to worry about what I'm feeling or what I'm thinking. This is all about you."

I wanted to be sure we were clear on what was coming. I didn't want him to feel like he was under any pressure to perform in any way.

"Um..." his voice was low and hesitant. "Will you promise me something Bella?"

His eyes sought mine out and I felt the familiar tingling in my toes. I couldn't look away, couldn't focus on anything but the intense fire that I was afraid would burn me up and leave me charred.

He asked me a question didn't he? "Uh...yes?" I wasn't sure what I just agreed to.

Edward leaned closer and his scent sucked me in. God I wanted to taste him. It was taking all my concentration to not attack him. "Promise me you won't act when we're together."

I gave this a moment to sink in before I answered. I did usually tend to slip into a Dr. Swan character when I worked with clients. It was the only way I could get through all of the intimacy without losing myself. Could I really let that go with Edward? Could I expose my real self without breaking completely when we were no longer together?

I didn't know the answer. But I had little choice at this point. He affected me physically in ways that I never thought would be possible for me. The thought of turning away from these feelings left me cold. I could pretend he was my lover--that he could really love me for myself. And I could have this perfect moment to keep for later, to lock up in my heart.

And when he looked at me that way, with the sparkling eyes and the crooked grin, my insides turned to mush and I'd follow him anywhere--do anything he asked.

"Okay, I can do that."

His answering smile was blinding. "Thank you, Bella." He let out a long sigh.

"We'll take it easy and if you feel any anxiety just let me know and we'll stop and do some EFT." I searched his eyes to make sure he was taking this in. "I mean it. You need to let me know at the first sign of discomfort of any type. This is painless therapy. We don't push through anything. Got it?"

"Yes," he said and his face flushed once again. I was hit with a wave of desire and I smiled. I knew I was attractive enough, but my looks couldn't compare with his perfectly chiseled beauty. How could he possibly want me so much? It must be just wishful thinking on my part.

"So, shall we begin?" I made myself focus on him. This was about his needs and my job was to make sure I kept that in mind.

"Sure." The word was soft, barely more than a whisper, but it charged the air with electricity. I could feel the heat rolling off of him and it caused my face to flush and my heart to quicken.

"All right, I want you to take a moment and think about being intimate with me."

His jaw slackened and that lovely blush deepened. He swallowed. "Um... you want me to... uh..."

Absolutely adorable. Gah! Let's face it I would never get over this man. "Fantasize about me, right now. Yes. That's what I want you to do."

He looked like I had just asked him to drop his pants--and in a way I guess I had. This required him to show me something intensely intimate. _Maybe I should let him off a little easier. _

"Let me help you. I'd start out like this." I leaned him back into the corner of the couch and sat on the edge. He was stiff and unsure. "It's okay." I tried to reassure him. "You are in complete control. If you don't like something, just say so."

He seemed to calm a bit with my urging. I reached up and touched the smooth skin on his cheeks. "I'd begin with these beautiful eyes. I've never seen anyone with eyes quite this color before." And I allowed myself a moment to get lost in them. It would be easy to indulge in my own fantasy and imagine that he was in love with me--that he was mine. "You know the eyes are overlooked by a lot of people, but it is the quickest way to bring intimacy to sex. When I counsel couples, I always have them spend time really looking into each other's eyes."

I trailed my finger along the lines of his face to his lips. I ran my thumb over his bottom lip and his mouth opened in response. "Then I'd think about the soft skin of your lips and how it would feel to kiss them. Mmmmmm... and I'd just savor that feeling--that wanting."

His eyes darkened and a rumbling built in his chest.

"My lips are tingling just from thinking about it. Can you feel it?"

"Yes."

The air crackled around us, the electricity pulling us together. I couldn't hold back much longer. I took the last shred of control I could find and let myself search out his feelings. I couldn't find any discomfort. "Are you feeling any anxiety right now?"

"No," he answered immediately, "no anxiety at all." And he sounded a little surprised.

I licked my lips, letting the time stretch as I leaned in close to him. I stopped a couple of inches from his lips and spoke in a whisper. "I'm going to kiss you now. Okay?"

"Yes," he hissed.

I brushed my lips softly against his. It was like striking a match. My blood ignited and the kiss quickly became more heated than I intended. He tasted of mint and spice. His tongue worked against mine as we explored each other thoroughly. My hands tangled in his hair, the silky texture spurring me on. I heard a mewling sound and wondered where it could be coming from before I realized it was me. I was making that sound. I had to get it together before he thought I was some helpless animal attacking him.

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_**EPOV**_

I'd imagined kissing Bella, but the reality didn't come close. Every time she touched me, I felt an electrical energy pass through me, but this was so much more intense. It surged through me, all the way to my toes. Her tongue gently parted my lips and searched out mine. I poured all of the feelings I'd been repressing over the past couple of days into that kiss. I met her challenge and deepened it further, exploring her entire mouth. I wanted to drown in the taste of her. I couldn't get enough.

Her little hands tugged at my hair, making me moan with the intensity of it. She trailed them from my neck to my chest and I was sure she could feel my heart racing under her fingertips.

I pulled back, gasping. She continued to kiss a line between my jaw and my ear, then moved to my neck. My pants grew tighter as she caressed my chest and kissed my skin everywhere she could reach. I moaned and gasped as she touched me.

She took my hand and placed it on her waist. I ran my hands up and down her sides, feeling the swell of her breasts and the curve of her hip. God the things she made me want. I'd never experienced anything like it before.

I ran my thumbs over her breasts and felt her nipples harden under my touch. She moaned into my mouth and I bit back a groan.

She leaned back and began to unbutton my shirt. Her eyes sought out mine and seemed reassured by whatever she found there. Once my chest was bare, she kissed all of the skin she couldn't reach before, flicking her tongue out to lick my muscles and nipping gently at my nipples.

I was panting now, not able to get enough air. When she went for my pants I stopped her. "Wait, I want to touch you too."

She met my eyes and considered it for a moment before she nodded. She stood and pulled her dress over her head in one movement and then she stood before me in a midnight blue silky bra and panty set. I almost came right there in my pants without having been touched at all. Her creamy white skin in contrast to the blue was absolutely stunning. Her breasts were full and her stomach flat. I could see all of her muscles perfectly defined, making that v at her waist.

A sexy smirk graced her beautiful face and I knew I must be staring. She came to me slowly, swaying her hips before climbing onto my lap to straddle me. I groaned as I let my hands wander over her back to reach down and cup her ass. God she felt perfect--her skin so soft beneath my fingers.

Her lips met mine and I was drowning in sensation. Her little hands ran over my chest and back came up to tangle in my hair. I could do this all day, just kiss her. And there was no anxiety--no worry over what would come next. I just stayed in this moment and allowed myself to feel all the pleasure that she gave to me.

Finally, she pulled away and undid my pants, pulling them off along with my boxers. "Mmmm Edward, you are so beautiful. You're perfection."

That was exactly how I felt about her. Perfection.

"Can I touch you?" She bit her lip waiting for my response.

"Of course," I said, panting for air, trying to get control so I wouldn't spill into her hand at the first touch.

But nothing could have prepared me for the feel of her small hand closing over my length. It was heaven.

She moaned then and dipped her fingers into her panties before pulling them back out and closing them over me again, slippery now with her juices. She kissed me and sucked on my neck as she pumped me, twisting her hand in long strokes. It was beyond anything I could have imagined. The smell of her desire and the feel of her hand wet around me as she worked.

She whispered in my ear, telling me how wet she was for me, how hot I made her, how much she'd like to feel me inside her. And I felt the pressure building, pushing me higher than I'd ever been before. It was bliss so intense that I was afraid I'd split into tiny pieces any second. Then it was on me and I came in great waves all over her body. I was mortified at first--afraid I would have offended her. But I was too spent to do anything about it.

------

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_**BPOV**_

I'd never felt more powerfully erotic than when I pulled my dress over my head and locked eyes with Edward. He sat there on my couch shirtless, hair sticking out at odd angles and eyes heavy lidded and shining for me. That blush spread from his cheeks down his neck.

Despite our situation, I allowed myself the fantasy that he wanted _me._ And he made it easy for me. I straddled his lap and attacked him, kissing him fiercely and his hands roamed over my body, hot and electric. My nipples strained against the satin fabric of my bra and I could feel his arousal pressing into me right where I wanted him.

It would have been so easy to take this much further than I'd intended. But that probably would have shut things down for us, and I wanted to get through this without having to stop and do EFT. I wanted him to experience the whole gamut of a sexual experience without interruption.

I pulled away for a moment to finish undressing him. When I pulled his boxers off, I felt my jaw drop. He was gorgeous all over. His muscles all perfectly chiseled and his erection long and thick. My mouth watered as I took in the sight before me. I wanted nothing more than to taste him, but I knew he needed my kisses to distract him. I'd save oral sex for another time.

I wrapped my hand around him and thrust my tongue into his mouth at the same time. God he tasted amazing. And he felt so hard and hot in my hand. This man was made for sex.

My hand was dry and I didn't want to give him friction burn so I pulled away and dipped my own hand into my panties, getting it good and wet, which was easy considering that my panties were drenched. He moaned my name as I wrapped my wet hand back around him and started to stroke. I kissed his neck as he panted endearments.

I felt him getting close and I nibbled on his ear while I whispered naughty things to him, telling him exactly what he did to me and how much I wanted him inside me.

And there was nothing more amazing than watching Edward come undone. He thrust his hips into my hand as he grunted and growled. His eyes were pure and open and filled with unbridled lust and wonder. He came in long streams all over my stomach and chest and I didn't care. I would take all he gave me.

When it was over, he looked at me in apology for the mess he made. I grabbed a towel and cleaned up and sat back, leaning against him while he caught his breath.

"Thank you," he said when he was able to speak.

He was thanking me? He'd shared such a big part of himself with me just then. He'd been so open and vulnerable. What could I say to that? I'd give anything right now to just keep him here with me and never let go. "Oh, Edward. That was beautiful. Thank you for trusting me so much."

He looked at me like a love struck teenager and I couldn't help but laugh. He couldn't get any more adorable if he tried.

"Hey," I said, helping him up from the couch, "what do you say we get cleaned up? If you don't have other plans you could stay for dinner and a movie tonight." I couldn't help myself. I didn't want him to leave yet. And even though I knew it would be better to create more space between us, I couldn't do it tonight. I wasn't strong enough. I might pay for it later, but I wanted nothing more than to spend more time with this amazing man.

His smile was blinding. "Sure, sounds great."

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**Endnotes:**

**Well, would you let him just leave after that? **

**Leave me some love and I'll give you a nice, wet, soapy Edward for your shower. Yum!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Notes:**

**A big thanks for all the wonderful reviews. They are very encouraging and I appreciate every one of them.**

**Special thanks for Bittenev--my super-fantastic beta who puts up with my endless questions and prods me to make it better.**

**I am truly sorry for the long delay in posting this chapter. You don't want to hear my excuses, but on top of all that is life I had a tough time with this one. I spent a great deal of time reworking scenes, trying to get them to pull their weight. I hope the result is worth the wait. I will try to be much quicker with the next one.**

**I am still not SM, though I am the proud owner of a newly renovated bathroom. **

**On with the show.**

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**Chapter 5**

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_**BPOV **_

If it weren't for his enthusiasm, I would have regretted my decision immediately. Not that it was particularly wrong to spend time with him outside the therapy setting. Surrogate work sometimes required more informal contact, depending on the type of problems I treated. It was more what had propelled me to ask him to stay in the first place that worried me. I simply couldn't bear to see him leave yet. I asked him to stay for my benefit, not his. That isn't to say it wouldn't benefit him, but that wasn't my focus when that I asked. I'd lost my focus.

That was a first for me. Everything in my life was planned out--each case thoroughly analyzed, each recovery meticulously plotted.

But nothing about Edward was predictable, least of all my responses to him. And I'd already broken all the rules. It was impossible to keep my own boundaries intact and break through his at the same time. I had to stop over thinking everything and just go with what felt right.

"So what do you say to a shower, then we can make dinner together?"

"Okay," he said, looking a little unsure. As if I'd consider making him wait while I showered.

I just smiled and took his hand, pulling him toward the bathroom. I didn't want to push our luck when we'd just made such great progress. I couldn't afford to lose my focus again. I'd make sure this was all about him. We didn't have to do anything sexual. He'd need time to recover after his orgasm, but I didn't want him to revert back into his shell.

Yeah! I could almost convince myself that this was all about Edward's therapy. It had nothing at all to do with the thought of hot, soapy water running over those hard muscles...Gah! _Who could resist that?_

I shoved the thought away. This was for Edward. His therapy required a different approach. He needed me to feel involved in a way that other clients never had. For most men, it was about the mechanics of the sexual activities. But that wasn't the case with Edward. The thoughts blazed into my head in a euphoric wave. _That was the problem he'd had in his past attempts at intimacy. He'd tried to have sex with someone he didn't know very well, while being able to read all her thoughts the whole time. There was no real intimacy in a situation like that. Most men could perform sexually without intimacy. But Edward was not most men. _

Whatever way I had to justify it, I'd find later. For now, I would just live in the moment. I had to do this for Edward and for myself too. I swallowed the doubt as I started the shower to let it heat up. It wasn't until I turned around and saw him staring at me that I realized he hadn't seen me completely naked yet. I reached behind me to unclasp my bra and locked eyes with him. I let it fall away and turned to pull off my panties, throwing them both in the hamper.

His jaw was slack and his eyes dark with want. God he had no idea how sexy he was--which made him all the more so.

I stepped into the shower. "Coming?" I asked. I closed my eyes and leaned back into the hot water, letting it ease my tense muscles and just enjoying the feel of it.

When I opened my eyes and met his, he was right in front of me, leaning toward me, his posture slightly off balance. By God he was ready for me again. Images of him pushing me against the cool marble and taking me played through my mind as I tried to refrain from pouncing on him.

I reached out and pulled him into me, my skin singing with the contact as I turned us, placing him under the shower.

I grabbed the body wash and lathered up my hands. "Can I wash you?"

"Yes, of course," He said as he stepped out of the spray.

My heart pounded in my throat as I reached out to touch the hard muscles of his chest. I covered every dip and valley as I ran my hands over his firm muscles in long circular strokes. I tried to focus on washing him and not on the desire that pooled between my legs with the contact. His skin was perfectly smooth except for the downy hair on his chest. His muscles weren't excessive but were nicely defined. It was clear he was no stranger to physical labor or the gym, despite his self-imposed geek status.

The soapy water slid over his chest, down the v of his abs and over his hard erection. The desire to follow it, licking and sucking was overwhelming and I had to remind myself that this wasn't meant to be sexual. I turned him and worked over his back and nicely rounded backside. His muscular calves hinted that he was a runner. I couldn't resist giving his backside a little squeeze before I switched places with him again.

He hummed in appreciation as I massaged his head with the shampoo. When I was finished, I reached up and placed a soft kiss on his lips before holding up the body wash. "Do you want to wash me?"

"Hell yeah!"

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***

_**EPOV**_

I didn't expect her to ask me to stay, but how could I refuse? And as much as I hated to admit it, I didn't want to. But now that the haze of lust had passed, I felt a little uncomfortable. Mind you I was thrilled with my progress. It was possible for me to have a normal life. I knew that now. I would get over these problems with Bella's help.

I felt like I was bare before her fully dressed form--figuratively speaking. Because she was still in those silky blue underwear that made her skin look like porcelain. She said something about a shower and dinner and I just nodded and wondered if she wanted me to get dressed while she cleaned up. But she took my hand and pulled me into the bathroom. She was going to shower _with_ me? I allowed her to pull me along and was vaguely aware that she was starting the shower. Somewhere in the back of my mind I realized that this was heading in an uncomfortable direction, but I couldn't bring myself to care. This was Bella and I had to trust her.

I watched with rapt fascination as she reached behind her and unhooked her bra, letting it fall down her arms, exposing her perfect breasts. She turned and removed her panties, placing both in the hamper and then stepped into the shower, asking me to follow.

I understood the myth of sirens in that moment. She could have asked me to follow her off a cliff and I would have without question. I stepped into the steamy shower and watched her, head thrown back as the water ran over her body. I'd seen a nude woman or two--women who were supposed to be perfect and had the plastic surgeon bills to prove it, but they had been nothing compared to Bella.

She opened her eyes and met my own. In that moment I felt like I could see inside her. She was genuine. She pulled me to her and helped me under the water and everywhere our bodies touched felt like an electric current. Then she asked if she could wash me.

Her tiny fingers running over my body was more intoxicating than anything I could have imagined. The electric energy built until every nerve ending buzzed with it. I expected more sexual contact, but it never came, just a gentle touch caressing me, caring for me in a way no one had since I was a small boy. I hummed as she shampooed my hair, massaging my scalp. This was heaven. My whole body responded to her, as if she were speaking some ancient language. I was hard and aching for her.

I snapped out of my lust induced haze when she handed me the body wash and asked if I wanted to wash her.

Hell yeah! Did I just say that out loud? Shit. "I mean I'd love to." I leaned in and kissed her gently, needing to taste her lips once again. I didn't think I'd ever get enough of her.

The hot water coursed down my back as I lathered my hands and reached out to her. Her skin was perfect beneath my fingers--each curve just right. I washed her thoroughly before letting my hands roam over her breasts. Her nipples were hard pebbles against my hands. I groaned at the feel of it.

I turned her around so that the warm water was flowing over her chest and abdomen and leaned her back against my chest. She fit perfectly under my chin. I ran my hands over her body in long sweeping strokes. Leaning into her neck I inhaled. God she smelled incredible. I'd never felt this intimate with anyone before. I wanted more than anything to return some of the pleasure she had given me earlier. But I felt clumsy and unsure. Of course I understood the anatomy of a woman, but I'd never spent time trying to actually pleasure one before--aside from some fumbling teenaged attempts.

My heart chased the butterflies around my chest as I spoke softly into her ear. "Um… please, Bella--I want to touch you. Show me how to please you."

Her breath caught at my words and she looked up at me, as if searching my eyes for something.

"Please." My voice was softer even, barely more than a breath. "Teach me how to make you come." My face heated with the realization of what I'd just said.

But my words were met with a groan.

She didn't respond for a long moment and I felt the embarrassment deepen. _Had I overstepped the boundaries? Would she reject me? Of course she would. What had I been thinking? _I couldn't expect her to really want _me _for _me_. She was simply doing her job.I couldn't expect her to reciprocate these building feelings I had for her. She was so far out of my league--she'd never want someone so completely inexperienced. I'd never be able to make her happy.

As I searched desperately for a way to backpedal--to let her off the hook without making things even more awkward, her hands covered mine and guided them to her breasts. I let out a long breath as she showed me how to tug on her nipples and roll them. She moaned and reached one arm up to pull my head down to meet her lips in a searing kiss. It was long and tender and needy all at the same time and I let myself imagine that it was all for _me_--that she wanted _me_ this way.

My erection against her soft backside was sweet torture. I'd never felt like this--so alive and in the moment. I waited for the anxiety to come, to take this all away from me, but it never did.

She guided my hands down over her abdomen and into her slick folds, showing me how to move as she ravished my mouth. I dipped a finger inside her and groaned in approval of her obvious desire. God, she felt so wet and hot and perfect. _What would it feel like to be inside her, to have those muscles gripping me?_ I moaned into her mouth.

I took my time, exploring her, judging her reaction. I broke our kiss to breathe and concentrated on kissing and licking her neck. My fingers rubbed and circled and plunged. "God, you are so sexy," I murmured into her neck, her soft skin erupting in goose bumps at my words. "So hot and wet." I wiggled my fingers inside her, curving and pulling as I imagined burying myself there and never leaving.

I groaned into her hair at the thought and pushed my hips against her. She moaned as her legs gave out. I caught her and pushed her back against me for support. Her muscles spasmed around my fingers as she cried out and trembled in my arms. I'd never seen a woman orgasm before and I couldn't believe that I could make it happen for her--that I could make this gorgeous creature come apart in my arms.

I'd never seen anything so beautiful and my chest clenched tight with emotion. Without thinking about it, I raised my fingers to my mouth and tasted her sweet juices. The taste was sweet and floral like honey and jasmine and I moaned around my own fingers. My erection twitched against her as I licked my fingers clean, I could drink her dry.

When she recovered, we rinsed once more and got out, noting that the water was getting cool.

---

***

_**BPOV**_

I moaned at the intensity of his long fingers caressing me. His touch sparked against my skin, rekindling my earlier desire for him to a blaze in no time.

"Um… please, Bella--I want to touch you. Show me how to please you."

His breath against my neck sent a tingling sensation through my entire body. "Please teach me how to make you come."

I groaned at his words. Edward was temptation personified. His perfect face and gorgeous body--his rich, soft voice and long fingers. _How could anyone resist that?_

But he was my client and I never allowed a client to concentrate on me. It had never been an issue before._ Edward needed me to be involved, but was this crossing another line? And what price would I pay for it, once this was over?_

I looked up into his face and saw it--fear--he was afraid I'd reject him--that I didn't want him. I couldn't let him think that for another second.

I stopped thinking and just acted on instinct. Reaching up, I gripped the back of his neck and pulled his head toward me, capturing his lips in a searing kiss. I poured all my desire into the kiss as I tugged at the silky hair at the nape of his neck.

I showed him how I liked to be touched, guiding his hands over my body. He learned fast and soon had me panting with need. The sensation of the warm water running over my body along with those big hands was more arousing than anything I had ever experienced.

He whispered endearments into my ear as those long fingers worked inside me. I was floating on a cloud of pleasure so high that I didn't think I'd ever come down.

"God, Edward," I gasped, "so perfect."

He moaned a reply and pushed his erection against me. The tension built in my abdomen until it burst, spreading out in a rush of fire until it reached my fingers and toes. The whole time I cried out and Edward bent to kiss me, swallowing the mewling sounds that were falling from my mouth.

My legs felt like limp noodles as he held me against him. And when I finally caught my breath and came back into myself, he pulled his fingers from me and raised them to his lips. I should have been exhausted and hours away from wanting more, but as he tasted me I felt my desire pool for him once again. Now that I knew what it could be like between us, one question remained. _Would I ever get enough of him?_

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***

_**EPOV**_

I couldn't take my eyes off of Bella after the shower. She was so perfect. She had a playfulness about her that I'd never seen before.

_But of course you haven't seen it Dork. She's your Doctor. _

_Remember? _

_Doctor--doctor--doctor--doctor._

_Off limits! Completely unattainable._

_You'd be a fool to fall for your doctor._

I let out a deep breath as Bella slipped on a pair of fleece shorts and a camisole top--both a royal blue--with nothing under them. _God, kill me now_!

She handed me a well worn pair of flannel pants and t-shirt--both clearly belonging to some man in her life. _God, how could I be so stupid?_ Of course she'd have a boyfriend. I felt my cheeks flush at the realization.

She must have noticed my distress because she put a hand on my arm and leaned in to kiss my cheek. "You are so adorable," she said so softly I wondered if I was supposed to hear. Then she continued at a more audible volume, "The clothes belonged to my father. He wore them around the house a lot and I couldn't bear to part with them." Tears pooled in her eyes as she spoke. But before I could ask or comment, she squeezed my arm and left.

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By the time I made it out to the kitchen, she had a couple of pans on the stove and some ingredients on the island countertop. She hummed along to Andrea Bocelli singing Puccini on the stereo as she pulled out some large cutting boards and knives.

I stood in the doorway and watched for a moment. Her hips swayed as she got lost in the music. The softly clinging fabric did nothing to distil the visions in my head of her naked form. Her nipples tightened as I watched her move, the light weight top leaving nothing to my imagination. I hoped she didn't expect me to do too much in the kitchen. I'd be apt to cut off a finger.

When I brought my eyes back to her face, I was met with the dark chocolate eyes and my face burned with embarrassment at being caught ogling her. She raised an eyebrow.

_Talk Dumb Ass! Say something_.

"So, what are we making for supper?" I tried to act casual, though I knew I'd been caught. "I have to warn you, I'm not much of a cook."

She threw her head back and laughed heartily and I couldn't help but join her. "This is easy though. Breakfast tortillas. I know it isn't breakfast, but these are one of my favorite meals and they're good any time of day."

I raised my hands in surrender as I approached her. I couldn't stay away. "Okay, you've sold me. Breakfast is always my favorite anyway." Before I even realized what I was doing, I pulled her to me and kissed her neck. It felt so natural I didn't stop to think about it and I thought about how awkward I had felt just hours ago. I shook off the thought and decided not to dwell on it for now. There'd be time to overanalyze everything later. Now I just wanted to enjoy Bella. "What did you want me to do?"

She shivered and turned in my arms, giving me a quick kiss. "How about opening the wine and pouring us a glass? You can sit and talk to me while I cook." She grabbed some wine glasses and a cold, black wine bottle from the fridge.

I poured us a glass and sat at the island, just happy to be able to watch her. She was so graceful in the kitchen, as though she were dancing. It was hypnotizing.

Her sweet voice broke into my thoughts. "So tell me more about yourself. Have you had many girlfriends? What were your relationships like?"

Ah, the big question. Would she think I was weird? Or crazy? "Um, I really haven't dated a lot. I had a girlfriend when I was about 17 for awhile, but it didn't work out." That was an understatement. Jessica had been okay, but she wanted to change me too much. "It was before the accident, so I couldn't hear her thoughts, which was probably a really good thing. But she wanted me to stop doing all of the things that I loved. And well, the sexuality thing was a big issue."

Bella didn't respond as she dusted a large cutting board with flour and started rolling balls of dough into large circles. I wanted to change the subject and I couldn't hold back the curiosity. "What are you doing?"

"Making tortillas." She looked puzzled and so adorable with that little crease in the middle of her forehead. I wanted to kiss it.

"Do you do that often?" I asked. "Make them yourself I mean?"

"Yeah, well, they're really easy and after you've eaten homemade, you'll never buy those rubbery ones from the store again."

"Is that what we had for lunch yesterday?" I remembered the light fluffy texture and my mouth watered. I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

She looked surprised that I remembered. "Yes, it was." Her smile was radiant.

She placed one in the hot pan and it bubbled up like a pancake before she flipped it to cook the other side. "You're not trying to change the subject on me, now, are you?" She looked at me intently.

"Maybe? What about you?" I asked, trying to sound casual. I didn't know if it was appropriate for me to ask, but I was more invested in the answer than I wanted her to know. Especially after my earlier scare with her father's clothes. "Are you in a relationship? And how does that work with your occupation?"

She took a sip of the sparkling wine and leaned on the counter, throwing her head back with a laugh--which drew my attention to her chest. My fingers tingled with the desire to reach out and pull her shirt up, and taste her. I held back a groan as the image played out in my head. I'd never really been swept up in lust before. I might have said a woman was lovely, even beautiful, but I'd never felt this urge overtake my body--never had to hold back. It was thrilling and exhausting.

"Hmmm... that's a complicated question." She chopped onions and peppers and bacon as she spoke. "I'm not in a relationship at the moment. I've been in a couple in the past, but, as you pointed out, it isn't easy to do with my occupation. And I can't be sorry for it. I've helped a lot of people..."

I poured another glass of wine and watched her sway to the music as she cooked the eggs. I never thought I'd meet someone who really liked the same music as I did. Girls sometimes pretended to like the same things, but that never lasted long.

Still I couldn't forget the look on her face as she described her life. She was a very caring and selfless person. "But what about your life? You just put it on hold indefinitely so that you can help other people? I mean, not that I'm not grateful, and I know that has to be enriching, but..."

"But what about my life?" she asked. "Is that it?"

I nodded. She had to see it. She was a therapist.

"I guess I just haven't found the right one--as corny as that sounds. Maybe some day I'll meet someone who is worth giving this up. But for now, it's what I do." She scrunched up her face in concentration. "Like what you said about that girl who wanted you to stop doing the things you love. I fix people. It's what I do. And I'm good at it."

Well, I couldn't really argue with that. I mean, Bella was an amazing woman--far more than any man could hope for. I imagined what it would be like to be in a relationship with her. Could I do it? Could I overlook her job and have a relationship with her?

I shook myself out of that train of thought. I couldn't let myself dwell on that. She'd never want a relationship with someone like me. And I don't know that I could be with her and love her and not mind that she was having sex with other people, even if it was just sex.

It was easy to avoid intimacy and blame it on work though--and she didn't see it. She was using her job to justify not finding love for herself. And maybe she was using her job to keep people away so she wouldn't have to risk caring too much. But this was all too heavy for dinner conversation and I didn't want to bring her down.

I didn't respond, lost in thought as she plated our food and directed me to the table. I picked up my sandwich and took a bite, humming in pleasure. It was incredible. An omelet in a tortilla. And she was right, these were much better than store bought.

"Wow," I said and took a sip of wine, "you know if you ever want to reconsider your career, you could always open a restaurant. This is incredible."

I was rewarded with a laugh. Then she looked at me for a long moment. "You look good in my dad's clothes by the way." Then her eyes welled up again. "He passed away six years ago now. It's still hard sometimes. He was a good man, and a good cop--died in the line of duty--investigating a loud, drunken party…"

I was glad to hear more about her family, but I didn't want it to dampen our evening. "So do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"No," she said around a mouthful of food, "just me."

"Well," I said, "at least you didn't have a brother being crazy and setting your hair on fire. Sometimes I wonder how Alice ever survived in a house with Emmett. He makes up for about three brothers." I reached over and squeezed her hand. "Besides, you are enough, you know."

She looked thoughtful for a moment and then raised her glass to clink with mine and took a sip. Then she squeezed my thigh as she spoke, "Tell me more about you. What was it like growing up with Alice as your older sister? You must have had a busy house."

The wine relaxed me enough that I felt more open than usual and less embarrassed. "Well, yeah, it was busy. But I had my own space in the basement where I set up a lab. I didn't go to school after I was 11 or 12, so I had lots of quiet time to myself to read and think." I didn't really feel lonely when I thought back to those years. I enjoyed being with Alice and Emmett and their friends, but I really liked the quiet time that I got to myself as well. "Alice and my brother, Emmett, kept things interesting and didn't let me get away with becoming too much of a hermit. At least until I moved away."

"Do you see much of your family now?"

I finished my sandwich and took another sip of wine before answering. "Well, yeah. I do see quite a bit of them. Alice comes by a few times a week and I go home for Sunday brunch most weeks. So we're pretty close."

As she finished her dinner, we talked more about my family and she told me about her childhood. Her mother had left when she was young, to pursue a career because Forks was just too small for her, so it was just her and her father at home. So I could see how she'd be interested in our family dynamics. I was thankful for my siblings, something I did occasionally take for granted. Because as annoying as Alice and Emmett could be, I was glad to have people out there who were interested in my well being. The thought of Bella all alone in the world made me sad.

As we cleared the table, I got the feeling that she was trying to distract me from whatever was coming. She probably thought I'd be nervous. I laughed at the thought. Not that I wasn't nervous, but it was so refreshing to have to guess what someone was thinking.

---

***

_**BPOV**_

He looked so adorable in my father's clothes and I was surprised that they were both about the same size. Seeing him dressed like that made my heart ache. I wanted both men in my life and I couldn't have either of them--at least not for long. I opened up during dinner, more than I normally did with a client and I didn't do it lightly, but the rules were out the window and now, I was just trying to hold onto whatever I could.

We were loading the dishwasher when Edward broke into laughter. I didn't see anything particularly funny about doing dishes so I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Sorry," he said, getting his chuckles under control. "I don't know what's wrong with me. It wasn't that funny."

"Okay," I said, turning to face him, "now you have to spill."

"Really it was nothing. I just found myself wondering what you were thinking and that struck me as funny because I don't usually have to wonder."

That brought me back to one of my main worries with Edward's therapy. "You know that makes me wonder. I know we've been making great progress these past couple of days. But how much of your past problems stem from being able to hear your partner's thoughts?"

"Well, I don't know. I had difficulties before my accident too, but I can't say that being able to hear thoughts has nothing to do with it. It has to."

"Hmmmm..." I took his hand, leading him toward the living room. "My only worry is that we finish our therapy and then, when you are in a situation with someone else, you may have some residual stuff that we haven't tested." It was a lie. That wasn't my only worry. The idea of him being with someone else bothered me more than it should. I groaned at the thought and looked up in surprise. I couldn't let my feelings get away from me. Edward deserved better. He deserved to feel happy and free and empowered after his therapy--not tied to his therapist out of some feeling of obligation.

I'd already let too much pass between us. I'd allowed him to focus on me, to pleasure me in a way I'd never let anyone before, giving him complete control over my body. And he was so amazing; it would be easy to become addicted. And I'd opened myself in other ways as well, telling him about my childhood and my personal life. I was in so far over my head, I'd surely drown before the end of it all.

_I shouldn't have taken this case. I should have just said no to Rose when she called, or simply told him I couldn't help him at that first meeting. I should just walk away now, consider it a partial success and move on. _

We sat on the couch and I looked over at him, determined to end it here--to spare us both from heartache later. It was for the best.

His face was scrunched up in concentration, his eyes deep with some other emotion--disappointment? Could it be? Or was I just projecting my feelings onto him?

His words pulled me out of my thoughts. "I guess I can see where that would be a concern. And I don't know. We'll just have to see what happens. You've already helped me so much."

Here was my opening. I knew he wouldn't be upset with me. He'd understand.

I looked into those emerald eyes, prepared to set him free, but what I found there was hope and something else I couldn't quite place. And then it dawned on me. I'd lost my focus again. I was thinking about my fears--my needs. Edward deserved better. He deserved to experience sex without fear and I couldn't give up on him. That's what I'd let myself believe. I wouldn't concentrate on the fact that just the thought of turning him away made my chest clench and my eyes water.

I looked into his eyes and made my decision. "So, Edward," I said, pushing the subject back to more comfortable ground, "what are your thoughts on oral sex?"

His face reddened instantly, the blush creeping up his neck, making me want to taste the skin there. "Um--well--I don't know. Most people would enjoy it I guess."

"Yes, but does the idea cause any anxiety?"

He sat back and thought about it for a minute and I reached out for his emotions to see if I could feel any intensity--maybe a 2 or 3. I leaned forward and tapped on his face a bit, feeling the energy clear immediately.

We had accomplished so much today. I didn't want to continue to push. And some part of me understood that if I stretched this out a bit, I could keep him around a little longer. I should give him the choice. "So, we can watch a movie if you like, or we can try some oral sex." I tried to sound like his answer didn't matter as I looked up to find the glorious blush covering his face and neck once again. I wondered how far down his chest it would extend. My mouth watered as I waited. "What would you like to do?"

**Endnotes:**

**Hmmm… movie or oral sex. Tough choice isn't it? **

**What do you think they should do?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Notes:**

**A big thanks to everyone for all the reviews and encouragement. I didn't get to answer all of them, but I did read them all and appreciate your thoughts. **

**I do apologize for the long wait for updates, but my crazy life just takes over sometimes and I don't get a chance to work on this for stretches of times. So I can't promise updates will get speedier, but there are only a few chapters left--maybe four. And I hope I make them worth waiting for. **

**I am told that my story has been nominated at the The Indies Twific Awards for most original storyline. Wow! That's about all I can say to that. If you'd like to check out the site and all the amazing stories there go to: ****http:(double back slash)theindietwificawards(dot)com**

**A huge thanks to my beta Bittenev for her magical ways. She makes this story work and keeps me sane--or as sane as I can get.**

**Sorry for the lengthy note. I know that's not why you're here. You're here for the smut. Yep! I'm aware of that. So on with it.**

**---**

**---**

**Chapter 6**

---

_**BPOV**_

He just sat there with his jaw slack for what felt like a long time. I felt guilty for the way I just sprung that on him. It was my defense mechanism. I rarely felt uncomfortable with anyone. I was always in control. But whenever I did, I turned to sex--the one place where I could retreat. Sometimes I forgot that it was the subject most likely to make others uncomfortable--especially blushing virgins. _God, how could I be so stupid? _

"Sorry," I said, breaking the silence. "We don't have to do anything like that. What kind of movie are you in the mood for?"

"You know," he said, his voice low and husky, "I'm starting to think that you enjoy shocking me, just to make me blush."

I laughed. "Maybe a little. It really wasn't my intention but it _is_ a nice side effect. Your blush is awfully cute, you know." The hell with it. I was tired of editing every little thing that I said.

"Well," his voice interrupted my thoughts. "It isn't that I was against the idea or anything. I was just a little shocked by the change in conversation."

My body warmed at the idea that he wanted to pursue this further, even after I'd offered him the out. "How about we have another glass of wine and talk a bit more first. I'll put on some other music." I called up some sexy jazz on my ipod and then headed to the kitchen to grab the bottle of wine.

"So, how do you think things are going?" I figured it was best to just ask him outright.

He finally met my eyes and I felt frozen by the intensity there. "You know, when I came here I didn't really expect much. I thought I'd satisfy my family and shut Alice up. But I'm amazed by how far I've come in such a short time. Is that normal?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Yeah, it is. EFT is a powerful tool. Western medicine is just so far behind in so many ways. If they can't define something, it's like it doesn't even exist. We don't understand why EFT works, but there's no arguing with how well it does work. Some things just can't be explained."

Lines stood out on his forehead as he thought about that. "So tell me more about how you were able to tap for me when we were on the phone."

"Well, we're all made of energy of some kind. When we're tired or upset and we go outside in the sunlight, we feel better. Some might think it's the color of the grass and the trees and the fresh air or the Vitamin D from the sun. But I think there's something more to it. There's an energy in the vitality of living things. And we absorb that--we're connected to it.

The same is true for us. When we open ourselves up to be connected to people, then we share an energy. And when we're tuned into each other with a common goal, I can tap for you."

"But what about the distance?"

"Distance doesn't seem to matter. In fact, I don't even have to physically tap. I've mentally tapped on babies on airplanes for example to get them to stop crying."

"Really?" He didn't believe me. I could feel it.

"Okay, let's try something. Sit back and relax and close your eyes."

He did as I asked though he still looked tense.

"Okay, now just relax and think about tapping that first point at the beginning of your eyebrow. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Just picture your finger tapping on that spot over and over."

I let him work on that for a moment, before asking my question. I knew it took longer at first until you got used to it. When he gasped I knew that he got it.

"Okay, now move onto the next spot and do the same thing." I gave him a few minutes to work through all the points. "So?" I prompted.

His eyes shone with surprise and shock. "Wow. That's amazing."

"It is." I agreed with him, though I was thinking more about him when I said it--the way my heart jumped into my throat when I looked into his eyes. I longed to reach out and touch him, but I held back for the moment. I didn't want to push. I took a sip from my glass.

I excused myself to the washroom and took my time, splashing my face with cool water as I tried to calm my sudden nerves. I fought my internal battle as I tried to decide how to handle the situation. One minute it felt like everything was under control and then I'd look in his eyes and it would all fall apart--_how cliché was that?_ But lately my life was becoming one big cliché. I was falling for my client--hard.

That thought left me reeling. But this wasn't about me. I couldn't let my feelings cloud Edward's therapy. I couldn't wimp out just because it was going to hurt later on. That was like missing the parade because I spent the whole time waiting for it to end.

I was sick of the waffling and done berating myself for my slips. I would just be myself. That thought made me pause. How long had it been since I'd been genuine around anyone, without worrying about what I said and how it would affect everyone else involved? God, I couldn't remember.

I wouldn't push, but I wouldn't hold back anymore either. He'd given me so much trust and exposed so much of himself to me. I'd return that to him and damn the consequences. I'd deal with that later.

My decision made, I returned to Edward. He leaned back into the corner of the couch, completely relaxed, eyes closed as he hummed along with the music. I noticed that several songs had passed. I didn't think I'd been gone that long.

---

He looked so peaceful and comfortable, lounging in my father's clothes. It tugged at my heart. And he thought pajamas weren't sexy. Granted, it hadn't been sexy on my dad, but Edward--he could make anything sexy. I just stood there and stared at him for a minute. His crazy hair and soft lips drew me closer until I couldn't take it any more.

To my credit, I didn't jump on him, but I did sit very close and put my hand on his knee. His eyes flew open and met mine with a smile and a blush on his face.

I traced the lines of his jaw with my other hand, running my thumb over his lips. "Can I kiss you?"

He hummed a reply and leaned closer, meeting my lips with enthusiasm. The taste of wine mingled with his natural flavor, made me moan into his mouth and I was lost. There would be no returning from this. I was his, even if he never found out--I would always be his. And for tonight, I would give into my own desires for once.

---

---

_**EPOV**_

Bella's question caught me off guard and I couldn't stop my body's reaction--the burning embarrassment accompanied by the almost painful erection. "I'm starting to think that you enjoy shocking me, just to make me blush," I said as I looked up to meet her eyes.

Her face flushed in reply. _Ha! Busted. _

"Maybe a little," she said. But there was something else in her expression. I had the extreme desire to ask what she was thinking. I'd not experienced this frustration before--this burning curiosity to read someone's thoughts. "It really wasn't my intention but it _is_ a nice side effect. Your blush is awfully cute, you know."

My face got even hotter. _She thought I was cute? Really?_ Of course I'd heard thoughts in the minds of other women who'd found me attractive but I'd never really cared that much--finding it all so shallow. Yet the idea that Bella found me attractive made my chest squeeze with excitement--excitement I had no business feeling. I couldn't let my thoughts run away from me.

_But she asked me a question, didn't she? And she was probably expecting an answer._ I mumbled something about being interested, but shocked by the change in subject. It was the truth after all. And I was trying to figure out why she did that abrupt switch sometimes when we were together. I knew she was focused on helping me, but there seemed to be more to it.

I could philosophize about that later. Now, I needed to focus on her question, because she would no doubt expect an answer eventually. Was I ready for this? Physically, I was amazed to find the answer to be a resounding yes. I was ready for anything with Bella. I didn't feel any real anxiety over it. But more than sex, I craved breaking through this woman's defenses and really knowing her. Because I got the impression she didn't let many people in.

Before I got a chance to answer she took the decision out of my hands--saying that she'd get us some more wine and we could talk for a bit. I kicked myself for not being quicker to speak up as she switched the music to some soft jazz--Diana Krall--and left the room.

She was back in an instant with the bottle of wine and we talked a bit about my therapy and about EFT. She had me practice the mental tapping and I was amazed to find that as I concentrated on each point, I could actually feel the tapping as if someone was touching me.

As I opened my eyes to meet hers, I felt a fierce longing to pull her to me. Her eyes were incredible, deep brown with little flecks of gold in them.

She excused herself and left for the bathroom I assumed and I leaned back into the corner of the couch, closing my eyes and feeling the music wash over me. It was very relaxing.

As the time stretched on I began to worry. What could she be doing that was taking so long? I kicked myself for not jumping at the chance when she asked about the oral sex. Not only did I miss out on the opportunity, but I probably hurt her feelings as well. _What an insensitive ass. _

Just as I was about to get up and see if she was okay, I felt the couch dip beside me and a warm hand on my knee. I let out a sigh and felt a smile stretch across my face. Maybe I hadn't blown it after all.

Her eyes were filled with warmth and passion as she reached out and traced my jaw with her fingers, running her thumb over my bottom lip. Every place she touched tingled as though it had been infused with energy.

"Can I kiss you?"

As if she even needed to ask. I leaned forward and showed her just how eager I was to kiss her. There were no traces of anxiety in me as I thought about taking this further.

Our lips danced together in a glorious kiss and I let my hands wander over her body, feeling the gentle curves. The curve of her hip fit perfectly into my hand and her mouth tasted like wine and berries. When I thought my chest might burst from the need to breathe, I pulled away, panting.

"Edward," she panted. My perfectly ordinary name sounded amazing when she said it like that. The power of it surged through me.

"Yes," I said.

"I don't want to push you and I know you might not be ready. If that's the case, it's okay. Just say so."

Her eyes bore into my own as the heat crept up my neck. I was about to respond, but she reached out and held her finger to my lips.

"Wait, let me finish."

I nodded.

"I don't know if it's the wine or you or maybe a combination, but I'm just letting myself go here. All I want to do right now is to taste every inch of your body--to make you feel the intense pleasure you've missed out on all these years."

My whole body heated at her statement. God, I wanted that too. But I also wanted to do the same to her. The taste I had earlier only made me want so much more. "Um--that's um--wow... I want you to feel pleasure too," I said, hoping she'd get the message.

"Oh, but it will be my pleasure. Just the idea of you spread across this couch while I take you in my mouth, feel your pulse beneath my tongue, has me dripping wet."

The images she had racing in my mind were almost too much. I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. I had to get her to agree to this before she touched me or I'd lose all ability to reason. I scrambled for the best argument I could think of in these circumstances. "Don't I deserve the same pleasure?"

She looked surprised at that statement.

I continued before she could form an argument. "I mean--um--you know I'll be all too happy to let you have your way. But--um--" I forced the words out in a rush, "would you let me return the favor--you know, after?"

Her mouth dropped open in shock and her cheeks turned pink. I'd actually made her blush! But she didn't say anything for a moment and I felt a little embarrassed for being so forward. _Why did I always keep sticking my foot in my mouth? _I was about to apologize and find a way to backtrack when her jaw clamped shut.

"Hell yeah!"

I laughed as she used the sentiment I'd expressed earlier in the shower. I'd only known her a few short days and she continued to take me by surprise. That thought had me reeling. I marveled at how strong my feelings had become for her in such a short time. I wanted to know every little thing about her, yet I knew it wasn't my place to discover that. It would be someone else who would one day take her away from all of this and be worthy of her affections--someone undamaged and whole. I pushed the thought away as I realized Bella was watching me.

She quirked an eyebrow and my face heated in response. I didn't want to get into that discussion right now. I just wanted to savor this moment I had with her.

"I won't ask you about that right now because you seem to have cleared it on your own, but we will talk about that another time." Her expression let me know that she was all business. "Tonight, we're just going to let go and feel--unless some strong anxiety arises, in which case we'll stop and tap. You just lay back now and let me know if you feel uncomfortable. Okay?"

I nodded and leaned back into the corner of the couch and let her undress me. The cushions in the living room were soft and heavily pillowed. I wondered how often she used this room for sessions, but the thought quickly died as her lips met mine. I pulled her top up and she quickly discarded it then kissed along my jaw. Every touch of her tongue sent electric jolts through my body.

She nipped on my earlobe, then whispered, "You are so perfect. My mouth is watering at the thought of tasting you all over. You have no idea..." I could feel the soft skin of her breasts and her hard nipples against me as she dragged herself down my body.

And she did lavish attention to every inch of my body, licking and nipping on the ridges of my muscles, sucking my nipples and rolling them around her mouth.

By the time she made it to my erection, I was aching for her. I'd never had a woman attempt this before. The women I'd been with had been more worried about themselves than anything else. I'd never believed all the hype I'd heard about it--thinking it a little unsavory to have someone's mouth there. But as she took me in her warm mouth I couldn't suppress my groans. This was heaven and hell all wound together. I didn't know if I could stand any more pleasure. Surely I'd die from it. _But what a way to go._

She brought me to the edge, then let me fall back, over and over again until I couldn't stand it any more. The hot, wet sensations of her mouth, her silky hair across my thighs, her breasts bouncing as she moved were all too much.

"Please," I muttered, not caring how desperate I sounded and it must have been enough for her.

She looked up at me from under her lashes, her eyes locked with mine. God she was beautiful. Then she took me all in and I felt her throat around me as she hummed and swirled her tongue. And when she pulled back with a deep sucking motion, I groaned her name as I found my release. It lasted forever, on and on, but not nearly long enough. I murmured unintelligibly as I came back down, my fingers wound into her silky hair.

As she wrapped her arms around me and laid her cheek against my chest I knew I'd never be able to go back to my old life without Bella. There would be no one else for me. I knew the situation was impossible--that we could never be together in a relationship. I couldn't stop the ache that accompanied the thought. I didn't know how it had happened in such a short time, but I was certain of one thing--I was in love with this woman.

---

---

_**BPOV**_

"Don't I deserve the same pleasure?" he asked. His logic took me completely by surprise. But who was I to argue? He was right. He'd never had these experiences before and I was completely turned on just at the idea of having him in my mouth. So why should I deny him the same pleasure? Why should I deny myself? This would all be over soon enough. It was time to savor every minute I had with him.

I must have remained quiet too long because he began that cute stammering thing. "I mean--um--you know I'll be all too happy to let you have your way. But--um--would you let me return the favor--you know, after?"

God, he was actually begging for me to let him taste me. _What kind of idiot would turn that down? _I was surprised that this shy man would be that forward and I felt my face heat before I realized that I was gaping at him. _He must think I'm a moron._ And he was still waiting for an answer. What could I say to that? I clamped my jaw tight before echoing his sentiment from earlier. "Hell yeah!"

His laughter thrilled me, making my chest expand with emotion. A surge of anxiety hit me that wasn't mine but before I could say anything, it cleared.

The doctor in me wanted to pull back and question him about it, but I decided to let it go for now. I did let him know that I'd noticed what he'd been feeling and that we'd discuss it later.

He leaned back into the corner of the couch and I pulled his clothes off. Even though I thought I was prepared for how gorgeous he was without clothes, his perfection took my breath away.

Kissing him was every bit as electric as the first time. I could do this all night. But I felt him tugging at my shirt and I slipped it off, trying not to part from his mouth for more than a second.

I whispered my need for him into his ear as I licked and nipped along his jaw to his chest. His skin was slightly salty with a hint of musk. I couldn't get enough.

By the time I reached his erection I was panting and couldn't wait another minute. I swirled my tongue over the tip to taste the essence of him. It was the same taste as his skin only stronger.

I groaned as I took him in my mouth, greedy for more. I stretched my mouth around his girth, amazed by the size of him. I let my jaw relax and took as much of him as I could, swirling my tongue around him as I worked, feeling his pulse under my tongue.

I'd never particularly liked this act. In fact, it wasn't something I usually did with my clients. But doing it for Edward was an entirely new experience. The sounds tumbling from his mouth were pure sin. Each groan went straight through my body, setting all my nerve endings on fire.

I couldn't get enough of him and knew I had to make it last as long as I could. It was heaven. I could feel his excitement and was able to slow down at the right moment, stretching out his enjoyment for as long as possible.

Finally, he could take no more and begged me to finish it. I locked eyes with him, seeing the desperate passion there and relaxed my throat, letting my nose bump his pubic bone. I pulled back, sucking hard and he groaned my name before letting go into my mouth. I took everything he offered as terms of endearment tumbled from his lips. I continued to suck and lick until every pulse had ended.

God he was beautiful. His chest heaving with his labored breaths. I curled up beside him with my head on his chest, listening to his racing heart until he came back to himself.

"I take it you liked that?" I laughed.

He just looked at me and blew out a long breath. "God, Bella. There aren't words..."

I knew exactly what he meant. I had no words for how exquisite he was.

"And there was no anxiety at all was there?" I knew the answer. I would have felt any spikes in his emotions. I'd never felt so in tune with another person.

He chuckled, the sound rumbling beneath my ear. "Not at all. It was perfect."

We just lay there quietly for a few moments before he spoke. "So..." he sounded shy again and I looked up to see his pink cheeks. "Is it my turn?"

I felt a little flustered at his words but I had no room to argue. I'd agreed to this beforehand. But most men wanted to rest after their orgasm--didn't they? "Yeah, well, you don't have to you know--" I scrambled away from him.

"I want to, Bella." He pulled me back, holding my gaze when I tried to look away. "Please?"

How could I refuse?

"Are you sure?" I met his eyes, trying to read his thoughts.

"Absolutely," he said. "Please, I want to taste you."

_Fuck me! _His eyes sparked with intensity.

I leaned back and let him hover over me. His lips were so soft as they ghosted over mine. I'd never allowed a client to do this before. It had never been an issue. But I couldn't refuse him. I could assuage my guilt with the idea that I was teaching him to please a woman. But even I knew it was total crap. I wanted this as much as he did and I was going to give myself to him in this moment in the only way I could.

His inexperience didn't matter. Every time he touched me it stirred things in me that I wouldn't have believed were possible. "Beautiful," he whispered, as sound no louder than a breath as he trailed his fingers over my chest and abdomen. He pulled my shorts off, never looking away from my body. I could feel the heat of his stare on every part of me. I'd never felt so naked, so exposed.

His breath by my ear sent shivers through my body. "You'll have to tell me what to do.

I groaned. "Just do what feels natural, Edward." I gasped the words out as his fingers ghosted over my sex. "You're fine--perfect."

He wasted no time suckling my breasts as he pulled my shorts off. His touch wound the tension tighter and tighter. Finally his hot mouth found my sex and I let go, giving into the sensations. I moaned and groaned and made mewling sounds so loud that I should have been embarrassed. But I couldn't think with his mouth and tongue working against me. And when he slipped his long fingers into me I completely fell apart.

I wound my fingers into his soft hair and rode wave after wave, my orgasm lasting far longer than I would have thought possible. And when I looked down to see the copper hair and green eyes staring into mine with such intensity, I came again--sudden and intense.

The realization hit me just as quickly. I'd never get enough of him--yet this is all I'd ever have. A few more days with him and his therapy would be complete. I felt my eyes sting with the emotion but I held it back, smiling a watery smile.

"Wow," was all I could manage to spit out. His answering smile was blinding.

---

---

_**EPOV **_

She was so beautiful when she came apart beneath me. I groaned into her, overwhelmed by that taste, so sweet, and the feel of my fingers inside her. I ached to be within her--to stay there always. Yet, I didn't know if I could handle it, or more specifically, what would come afterward. The end for us.

The moans and squeals coming from her mouth spurred me on to be more daring. I sucked her into my mouth and she cried out my name, making my chest swell with pride--and love.

I smiled up at her, continuing to lick and suck and she came again as she looked at me. That was hotter than anything I could imagine. I kissed all the way up her stomach over her chest to her mouth and she met my kisses, opening to me, tasting herself. The thought made me moan into her mouth. _God could she be any more perfect?_

We settled onto the couch holding each other for awhile, just talking about nothing particularly important. She told stories of her childhood friends and school and I told her about visits from the school authorities to investigate my studies during high school. The old man who came to talk to me was very interested in my lab and experiments.

Our conversation ended eventually but neither of us moved, perfectly content to just hold each other until she fell asleep in my arms. She looked different when she slept. With her face completely relaxed, I could see the delicate bone structure and soft skin which glowed like fine porcelain. Her body curled against mine as though seeking some warmth or comfort. The vulnerability of her simply falling asleep in my presence made the emotion catch in my throat.

I thought I'd best get dressed and head home after awhile, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to take advantage of her hospitality and I worried she'd feel awkward with me here in the morning. I tried to sneak out from under her without waking her, but she held on tight. "Edward, don't go."

"Bella?" I asked, thinking I must have woken her, but she didn't open her eyes.

"Stay with me," she mumbled. "Please, Edward. Stay."

That cemented my decision. I couldn't leave her when she was begging me to stay even subconsciously. And, if I were being honest with myself, I didn't want to go. I smiled at the idea that she wanted me here at all. I buried my nose into her hair and fell into the deepest sleep I'd had in a long time.

----

----

_**BPOV**_

I awoke to the sound of the ringing phone, feeling warm and comfortable. The light streamed in through the casement windows, bathing the room in warm light. And Edward was still with me. He'd stayed.

I couldn't stop the smile that jumped to my face at the thought. Carefully extricating myself from his body, I reluctantly got up and grabbed the phone, heading for the kitchen so that I wouldn't wake him.

"Hello?" Who could be calling me at this hour on a Sunday morning?

"Hi, Bella, It's Rose."

My face burned with the realization of who was on the other end of the line while I had Edward still naked in my living room. "Hi Rose, what's up."

"Apparently not you." She laughed. "Sorry to wake you. It must have been a late night."

I looked to the wall clock, discovering that it was 11:00. How could I have possibly slept that long? "Uh, yeah. I guess so."

"I was just calling to check in and see how things were going with Edward."

I turned on the coffee pot and was thankful I wasn't actually drinking anything at the moment. "Um, good... things are going good."

"Hmmm... well, I couldn't get in touch with him this morning, but I was just calling to invite you to a BBQ at Carlisle and Esme's tomorrow."

"Oh, well, sure. I'd like to go."

"Great," she said, sounding genuinely pleased. "Will you see Edward today?"

"Um, well, actually he's here now." _This was what I was supposed to be doing._ I told myself. I had nothing to be embarrassed about, but I couldn't fight the heat in my face.

"Oh, I guess you are getting along well then, aren't you?" There was something in her voice I couldn't quite place.

"Yes, we are."

"I knew you'd be able to help him Bella. You're the best there is." Her voice was filled with emotion and my pride surged in response. I had helped him. I thought back to our activities last night. I never would have believed that we'd be able to get through that with no problems that first day when he came in. He'd come far and I was proud of him.

"Well, Edward's been doing great."

"I'm sure." There was laughter in her voice. "I'm sure you two make a great team. Well I'll see you tomorrow afternoon then? 2:00?"

"Sure, Rose. See you then."

I shook my head as I hung up the phone, feeling like something was off with that conversation. But I couldn't put my finger on exactly what that was.

---

When I ducked back into the living room, Edward was dressed in my father's clothes and running his hands through his hair.

"Morning," I said.

His eyes met mine and he smiled. "Yes it is."

"How do you like your coffee?" I led him into the kitchen and he had a seat at the island while I served him some coffee and toast.

He sat awkwardly and sipped his coffee, stealing glances at me while I made some pancakes for us. I could feel his anxiety and I wanted to take it all away. After last night, he had nothing to feel anxious about.

I set the pancakes in front of him and leaned in to give him a kiss. He needed that semblance of a normal relationship in order to progress and there was nothing I wanted to do more than kiss him at the moment.

He relaxed immediately.

"So, what did you have planned for today?" I asked.

"Not much. I probably should check in with Alice and my mom and see what's happening this week. Maybe I can convince them to give me some of my lab equipment back."

"Oh, that was Rose on the phone. She was trying to get in touch with you. Something about a BBQ at your parent's place tomorrow. She invited me as well."

"These are delicious," he said. A trickle of syrup dripped from the corner of his mouth. I wanted to lean in and lick it. "So, are you going to go?"

I wondered if he'd be uncomfortable with me being there. Maybe I should have asked him first. "Yeah, I think so--if that's okay with you."

His answering smile was blinding. "Sure. That's great!"

---

---

_**EPOV**_

I was thrilled that she was actually going to meet my parents--even if it wasn't the way I wanted to do it. It was a signal that she was going to be in my life in some fashion even after the therapy if she made friends with my family.

I finished the pancakes and excused myself to change back into my clothes. I didn't want to leave but figured that I'd taken up a lot of her time lately and I wanted to give her a chance to have a bit of peace. I also had a lot of thinking to do and I needed some space to do it in--where she didn't know everything I was feeling.

I managed to escape the conversation about my emotional rollercoaster from the night before and I needed some time to figure them out before we talked about it.

I leaned in and gave her another kiss before I left. I couldn't get enough of the taste of her. "So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. You're sure you won't feel awkward having me there?"

Was she kidding? There was nothing I wanted more than to see her with my family. It just felt right. "Not at all. I'm looking forward to it."

She smiled and kissed me again, lingering a little longer this time. I could do this all day. Her hand caressed my cheek and I leaned into her touch as she whispered into my ear. "Last night was incredible. You're doing amazing Edward and you taste unbelievable."

I hummed in reply as my face flushed with the heat of my arousal and embarrassment.

"We'll schedule some more time together when I see you tomorrow then, okay?"

"Sure Bella. Thanks."

Her phone rang again and she picked up as I was gathering my things to leave.

"Hello?"

I should have left, but I hung on waiting for just a bit more contact with her.

"Oh, Jasper, hi."

The name hit me square in the stomach, knocking the air out of me. The tone of her voice showed nothing but joy.

"Really? No, that's no problem. Of course you can stay here tonight. When will you be getting in?"

I decided to sneak out then. I didn't want her to know that I'd heard her conversation. It was a cold reminder of the fact that her life didn't really include me. A chill ran through my chest and I found it hard to breathe. The night we'd shared had felt so sacred, I'd actually let myself start to feel like she was mine--my Bella.

Jasper--whoever he was would be spending the night with her tonight. How stupid I was to think that what we had could someday be more than a patient/doctor relationship. I'd actually let myself believe that she was starting to feel something for me too--something real.

As I drove off I realized that I had to let this go. It would hurt to leave it here and not see her again, but if I let myself fall any harder, I'd never survive it. I had to get over Bella. I couldn't let these feelings get stronger. I'd have to end our therapy. Of course I'd have to see her at the BBQ the next day. She might even bring him with her. _Ugh! Could it get any worse?_ I'd find some way to tell her then.

-----

-----

**Endnotes:**

**Okay (ducks head) you can start throwing the rotten eggs now. I know it's coming. **

**A little trust people. Next up is the BBQ where Edward will be able to hear everyone's thoughts (except Bella's that is). **

**You got your oral. What more do you want?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Notes:**

**Wow, thanks again to everyone for the incredible reviews. I'm awed by the response to my little story. I don't get a chance to answer all of them but I do read them all and appreciate each one. **

**Thanks to Nina for mentioning me on the Twigasm podcast--I'm beyond honored that you like my story enough for that. **

**Special thanks to Bittenev whose masterful beta skills are pure magic. She pokes holes where things are weak and clears my muddled thoughts.**

**I still own nothing twilight related. **

**Apologies to those who don't like lengthy chapters, because this one is a monster. See you at the end.**

**------**

**-----**

**Chapter 7**

_**BPOV**_

As I firmed up the details of Jasper's arrival on the phone, I was aware of Edward gathering his things and leaving and I felt an incredible anxiety that made it difficult to breathe. But it wasn't until he had left and I got off the phone that I realized that overhearing my phone call had probably freaked him out. And then an anxiety all my own settled deep in my abdomen.

We'd had such a perfect day--and night--together. He'd only left ten minutes ago and I was already feeling the loss as a physical ache. How could I possibly feel so strongly for him so quickly? I'd known him less than a week and I was in love with him. I gasped at the thought. Could it really be love? I didn't have an answer to that, but whatever I felt was intense and overpowering.

Now what? Should I call him up and say, "Don't worry Edward, Jasper's just a friend I grew up with. He's like a brother to me. You're the one I love." I laughed at the thought. Sure then he'd take the sense of gratitude he felt for me helping him through his problems and try to turn it into love. While I'd had many a client believe that he was in love with me by the end of the therapy, I'd always been able to see it for what it was--appreciation and transference. That's all that it could be. They didn't really know me. I'd been supportive and caring and totally focused on them the whole time. It was easy to fall in love with the idea of someone who was that way all the time. But that wasn't realistic--it wasn't real!

I realized that I'd blurred the lines with Edward. I'd shown him more of myself than most clients ever saw and I'd let him reciprocate the physical acts. So the lines between gratitude and love might also be blurred. But as sweet as he was, he couldn't possibly be in love with me--not really. He deserved someone wholesome and untainted. He could never feel that way about someone like me and I wasn't going to put him on the spot.

Yet I hated to let him stew in the idea that I was with someone else. If that was even what was bothering him. _God, I hated feeling so helpless._

I wanted to just get in my car and follow him home--and have it out with him. But I didn't have time. Jasper would be here in less than an hour.

_Alice!_

_That was the answer._

With that realization I stopped pacing in front of my door and grabbed the phone.

She picked up on the third ring. "Hello? Bella?"

"Hi Alice. Sorry to bother you but I need a favor."

She shrieked her excitement, almost taking my eardrum out. "You want me to come and help you dress for the BBQ don't you?"

_Was she serious? Did she think I couldn't dress myself?_ "Um, no--thanks. I mean, I'm going to the BBQ and everything, but I think I'm okay to get dressed."

I heard a distinct humph on the other end. So I pressed on before she could get too upset. "Actually it's Edward. Um--well, I think he's upset."

"Really?" Alice sounded surprised and a little hostile.

Better explain quickly. "Yeah. A friend called as he was leaving and asked for a place to crash tonight and I think Edward misunderstood."

"Oh," she said. "So what did you want me to do?"

"Well, my company will be here soon or I'd go talk to him myself. Would you mind checking on him to see if he's okay?"

"Is there anything specific you want me to tell him?" she asked.

_Was there? What could I say that wouldn't make me sound like I was having inappropriate feelings toward him?_ I groaned. "I don't know what I can say, Alice. Jasper is an old friend--I've known him since kindergarten. He's moving here and needed a place to stay tonight before he meets with his real estate agent tomorrow. Edward must have thought that he was an old boyfriend or something and it wasn't my intention to make him feel awkward about anything. I don't know what more I can say."

"Okay, I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks, Alice. I owe you." Another shopping trip wouldn't be so bad.

"In that case," she said, setting off my internal alarms, "I'll be over tomorrow before the BBQ to help you pick out your outfit."

I groaned again. But it was a small price to pay for making sure Edward was okay. "All right, I'll see you tomorrow."

----

----

_**EPOV**_

The frustration built as I drove home, my car automatically making the right turns. My house was too quiet as I slammed the door behind me. _God, why did I have to be so stupid? _

Everything was just as I'd left it, yet so much had changed. The knowledge that Jasper would soon be there with her was just too much. Of course I hadn't stuck around to see exactly who he was to her. He could have been a client, or a friend, or an old boyfriend. I could still hear the tone of her voice as she said his name. He was obviously someone who made her happy. And he probably had more right to be in her life than I had.

I thought back to last night. It had all seemed so real. She'd seemed to be letting go of the doctor role and being herself with me. I'd actually let myself think that maybe, just maybe, she'd felt the same electric connection that I had. Maybe she could actually love me the same way I loved her--some day. But I was such a fool. I felt like a boy with a crush on his teacher--pathetic.

I kept going round and round in my thoughts but it all came back to the same thing. I'd have to end the therapy. It was the only way. Maybe I'd just skip the BBQ and write her a note, telling her that I couldn't continue. A sob tore at my throat as I thought about never seeing her again and my eyes prickled with tears.

I was crying over some unattainable woman, like a love sick teenager. Was that really where I was emotionally? Had all of these sexual problems held me back so much that I was like a 16 year old? Bella deserved better than that. She deserved someone who could give her a mature love--someone who'd lived and learned how to please a woman, how to make her happy.

I needed a good run to take my mind off the whole mess.

---

One and a half hours and ten miles later, my legs were screaming loud enough to take my mind off of Bella. Sweat dripped from my forehead into my eyes, adding to the burn of the tears I'd shed on the first half of the run.

I didn't even notice the yellow Porsche in the driveway until I heard Alice's thoughts.

_Finally! He must have been running for a couple of hours. Masochistic much?_

"Alice," I called as I walked into the kitchen and tossed my keys into the basket on the counter. "What brings you here this fine afternoon?" I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and took a deep gulp.

"Bella, actually." Her reply made me choke on my water. I couldn't breathe.

_Was Bella okay? Had something happened to her?_ Just the thought of some harm coming to her clenched tight in my chest. I couldn't move. "Wha--what? Is she okay?"

_Wow, he's got it bad._ "Yes, Bella is fine. She's just worried about you. She wanted me to check on you and see that you were okay. She said you left in a hurry and were anxious for some reason."

I let out a deep sigh and sunk into the chair across the table from Alice. I was relieved that she wasn't hurt. But then the whole issue came crashing back around me. "I'm fine," I said, my voice sounding flat. "She shouldn't worry about me."

_Fine! He calls this fine? Just look at him. He looks like he's been crying._ "Listen. I know you don't want to hear it from me, little brother, but you really need to get it together. She has a friend visiting--that's all. He isn't a boyfriend or anything--just an old friend who needed a place to stay tonight. Apparently he's moving to the area and is meeting a real estate agent tomorrow."

Relief flooded through me. _Really? Jasper was just a friend?_ _And if he was meeting someone tomorrow, then he wouldn't be coming with her to the BBQ._ Of course if I'd stuck around Bella would have told me that herself. My heart stuttered at the thought, filling with hope. I pushed it aside. Jasper's status in her life wasn't really the point. The point was there would be another time when she'd be with another client or she'd meet someone who she was interested in and I had no business feeling this blinding jealousy. She was my doctor, not my girlfriend.

"What's going on, Edward?" When I looked up I could see the worry in her eyes. I wanted to erase it, but how could I?

"No-nothing. It's nothing."

_Yeah, well he does look slightly better now--less pasty. But there's something weird going on here. He's got it bad for the doctor and I don't want to see him hurt. _"What are you up to?"

"Um, I'm fine Alice. You know. Thanks for coming by to check on me. I appreciate it, but I'd like to have a shower. All the running really worked up a powerful stink." I stood up and directed her toward the door and was surprised when she followed without a fight.

As she left, she leaned in and squeezed my arm in reassurance. "I have a feeling it will all work out. Try not to worry. I'll see you tomorrow."

---

I didn't relax until I was in the shower with the warm water working the knots in my muscles. My thoughts traveled back to my last shower with Bella and I groaned in frustration. She had completely bewitched me, making my body react to the mere thought of her. I remembered the way her body felt under my hands all wet and soapy--soft skin and gentle curves. Without even realizing what I was doing, I started stroking myself. I had no feelings of shame or guilt as I touched myself. I thought about the fire in her eyes when she told me how much she wanted me. And the feeling of her mouth on me, hot and wet as I rode out my orgasm.

I tried not to think about what I'd just done as I rinsed quickly and got out. I lay on the bed for a moment but then the memory of our phone call came back to haunt me. Even in my own house, where she'd never set foot, I couldn't escape her. Thoughts of her dominated everything I did, filling me with unending nervous energy. Even after the five mile run, it was still as strong as ever.

My eyes fell on the piano--the one outlet that might help me get some of this out. I sat down at the bench and just let it all out. A new melody flowed through me and I worked on a composition for the rest of the night. I may not be able to have Bella in my life, but I would show my love for her in the only way I could. I would give her this last gift before we parted ways.

_**---**_

_**---**_

_**BPOV**_

I sat behind my desk and looked out the picture window. The day was sunny and bright, in direct contrast to my mood, and exactly opposite the rainy day that brought Edward to me. I chuckled darkly at the irony of it all. That something so beautiful could come on a day so dreary. That something that could be so simple and pure and perfect to someone else could be so heart wrenching for me.

The anxiety had been building since Edward left. His absence was a physical ache--an emptiness in my chest. I could still feel some intensity from him and I was amazed that I was so in tune with his energy. But my own anxiety was mounting as well--my worry over his state of mind and what that might mean--as well as my own feelings that were a swirling mass of confusion.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear the doorbell at all and then Jasper was there with his arms around me. It was a moment before I realized I was sobbing, soaking his shirt. Waves of calm swept over me and I smiled up at him. "Thanks," I said.

"Hey, don't mention it." He stood up and grabbed his bag from the floor. "Guess I arrived just in time. You wanna show me where to get settled and I'll make us a cup of tea. Someone needs to talk I think."

He always knew just what I needed. He continued to send me calming energy and I was so thankful for his own special gift at this moment.

I showed Jasper to the guest room and put on a kettle so I could make a pot of tea. By the time he came out dressed in a dry shirt I was sitting at the table, feeling rather embarrassed by my meltdown.

"Now, tell Jasper what's got you into such a mess. And I want the truth. Do I have to muss up someone's face for you?"

"Oh, Jazz. You know me too well." Still I didn't know how to start.

"The beginning, Bells--start at the beginning." He smiled serenely, sending another wave of calm over me.

If I didn't know better I'd think he was the one who could read minds. But his gift didn't work that way. It was all about energies. That's what made him such a powerful psychiatrist. "Thanks, but you can stop doing that. I'm okay now."

"Hey, your pain is my pain. Just trying to make us both more comfortable."

"Okay, see there's this client."

"Wait, I thought you were on sabbatical. Aren't you writing a book or something?"

"Yeah, well last year I was at a Christmas party for the hospital and I got into a little trouble with a client. He seemed to think that he should have some--_alone time_ with me, if you know what I mean--and dragged me out into another ward. Luckily, Dr. Hale saw what was happening and sent her husband to keep an eye out for me. So he yanked the jerk off me before he could do anything…"

"Okay, but that was over a year ago…"

"Yeah, well Dr. Hale called in a special favor and I ended up working with Edward."

His head snapped up and his eyes grew wide.

"What?"

"Nothing--continue." I passed him some shortbread cookies and he dipped it in his tea. I smiled. I could still see him doing that as a little boy. I almost asked him if he wanted some milk with that.

"So Edward. Well, he isn't like any other client I've had. He's very--" _what was the right word? Innocent? Virginal?_ "sweet."

Jasper choked on his cookie and I pounded him on the back as his face turned red.

"Are you okay?"

Once he got his breath back he turned to me. "So, you've fallen in love with your client and now you're somehow miserable over it?"

I gaped at him. "Um--well--I don't know--shit!" We were back to this. _Was I in love with Edward? Was it even possible to fall in love in a matter of days? Love at first sight and all that nonsense. _

"Yeah," he barked out, "my sentiments exactly. You know you can't hide your feelings from me, Bells. I know your feelings better than you do."

"You can say that again," I mumbled. "Really, I wasn't sure what I was feeling, besides confused."

He reached out and squeezed my shoulder. "Trust me on this. I know you want to deny it--call it a crush or puppy love--but this is full blown--the real thing."

My heart raced at his words. I did want to deny it, even to myself. But his words felt right. There was no hiding from it. I loved Edward.

"--just wish you'd met him somewhere else…"

"What?" I asked, pulling myself out of my thoughts.

"Well, you can't have a relationship with him." He looked shocked that I would consider such a thing. "That's against pretty much every principle you subscribed to when you became a therapist."

My heart sank with his words. But I knew he was right. "Yeah, I know." Part of me wanted to give the whole thing up, just decide not to be a therapist any more. But that was what I was good at. _What else would I do?_ And that wasn't going to help the situation. Even after the therapy ended, even if I never took another client again, I'd know that he was once my client and I'd always be afraid that what he was feeling wasn't real. Besides, that was a struggle for another time. Right now I had to concentrate on finishing out Edward's therapy and discharging him. Then I could move onto fixing the rest of my life.

I looked up to Jazz, knowing he could feel my indecision and sadness.

"Yeah, well he was here when you called earlier and, well, he overheard our conversation as he was leaving. I can still feel his anxiety, Jazz. I've never had this kind of connection before--you know, being able to feel it when he's miles away."

He scoffed. "Welcome to the club." But then he looked thoughtful. "Maybe that's a good thing. You know I didn't mean to cause trouble for you, but this might give you some of the distance you need…"

The thought of distancing myself from Edward made my stomach clench and my breath catch. I couldn't do that. I just couldn't.

He groaned as if in pain. "There's no way to solve this tonight. Why don't you sleep on it? Things always look different in the morning. Speaking of which, what's happening tomorrow? I have to meet the real estate agent first thing, but maybe we can do something later on?"

"I have a BBQ to go to in the afternoon actually. It's at Edward's parent's place. Rose invited me. I made friends with his sister as well so they're all expecting me."

He lit up at this. "Do you think they'd mind if I came? Maybe I could, you know, get a feel for Edward's feelings toward you?"

I hadn't thought of that. It would be much simpler if I knew what he was feeling. "That's a good idea. But you need to know something about him. He can hear your thoughts."

His eyebrows raised at that. "Really?"

"Yeah, I think so. I mean I haven't actually seen it in action, but he says he can and I could tell he wasn't lying. Apparently I'm the exception to the rule. He can't hear my thoughts."

He looked deep in thought for a moment. "Okay, how about we head to bed. You're exhausted. Things will look better in the morning."

"'Kay, night Jazz. It's good to see you again. I really needed someone to talk to."

"No problem. What are friends for? See you in the morning. I'll just let myself out when I get up and come back when I'm done with the agent. I'll probably be back by 10:00. Will that be okay?"

"Sure, sounds fine."

"Night Bells."

----

I lay in bed for awhile thinking about my conversation with Jasper. Of course he was right. I couldn't start any kind of relationship with Edward outside our therapy. It would be completely unprofessional. Why did that thought make me ache though? I knew that I cared for him, how could I not. He was too beautiful, inside and out.

But I knew he could never feel the same way about me. It was ridiculous. Of course he'd be grateful and it was natural that he'd grow attached to me. I gave him his first fulfilling sexual experiences in his life. What man wouldn't become attached to someone who gave him his first orgasm? But love was another matter all together. Edward hadn't had a chance to explore different partners and learn what would make him truly happy. I'd hate to see him settle for his first when he should be looking for his best.

He could never love me the way I loved him. My chest ached at the thought and the silent tears flowed freely. Oh, Edward! Why did he have to be so perfect? I sobbed into my pillow until I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion.

----

The next day I awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs. I hauled myself out of bed and found Jasper whistling in the kitchen with my apron tied around him and breakfast almost ready.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." He smiled handing me a cup of coffee.

"This smells wonderful. But weren't you supposed to be at the agent's this morning?"

He placed a plate in front of me and my stomach gave a grateful rumble. "Actually, I've already been." He gestured to the clock on the stove which read 11:45.

I gaped at it. I hadn't slept in that late in a long time. Yet I still felt really tired. "Wow," I said, "can't believe I slept so late. Some host I am."

"Are you serious?" He looked suddenly angry. "You are good enough to let me stay even after I caused you so much grief yesterday. I don't mind making you some breakfast."

"Thanks." I stuffed a forkful of eggs into my mouth.

"Besides, I know you were up really late. You needed the rest." His voice was soft. I felt guilty for being so upset. I knew he could literally feel my pain.

"Sorry about that."

"Hey, don't you dare feel guilty for feeling bad. That's not an option. Try not to worry, Bells. It won't help."

"I know." I sighed and ate the remainder of my meal in silence. The problem was that I had a really bad feeling about all of this.

---

I'd no sooner loaded the dishwasher when the doorbell rang. I groaned. Of course it was Alice coming to help me pick out clothes as though I was a teenager.

Jasper cocked an eyebrow as I left to answer the door.

"Alice, come in."

"Hey, Bella, how you doing?"

"I'm all right." I led her to the kitchen and she just kind of froze in the doorway and stared at Jasper--who was staring back.

_Well, this is an interesting development. _"Jasper, this is Alice--Alice, my friend Jasper."

"Hi," Jasper said, and I could feel the calming waves he was sending out, though they were laced with excitement of a different sort.

"Hi," Alice said, finally closing her gaping mouth.

"Yeah," I interrupted, claiming Alice's attention. "Listen, I'm sorry Alice but I overslept. I'll have to get a shower before I get ready."

Her eyes finally found me and they were dancing with excitement. "Oh, no problem. We've got lots of time."

"How did things go with Edward? Is he okay?"

"Um, I think so. He seemed a bit off, but he'll come around. We'll see him soon enough."

"Yeah I suppose. Hey, why don't I grab a quick shower and maybe Jazz will keep you entertained while I get cleaned up."

"Yeah, sure," Jasper said and I caught a wave of thankfulness and joy as I left the room.

I undressed and climbed into the shower, letting the warm water soothe my aching muscles. I couldn't help but remember the last shower I had--with Edward. I groaned as I remembered the feeling of his long fingers running over my body. I quickly soaped up and cooled the water down, not wanting to let my mind wander too far in that direction with an empath in the house.

Soon I was clean and dressed in a robe as I came out to find Alice. Jasper and Alice were leaning toward each other as they sat side by side on the stools, whispering. They stopped when I waked into the kitchen. Suspicion prickled in the back of my mind. Jasper wouldn't meet my eyes. "I'm ready," I said.

Alice squealed in delight and led me to my closet where she started sorting through my clothes.

----

An hour later, I was dressed in a blue cocktail dress that I bought on my shopping trip with Alice and a matching satin corset and g-string. I didn't usually wear fancy undergarments but I didn't fight Alice on the suggestion. It made me feel incredibly strong and confident and I just felt like I could use the boost today.

I followed Alice and Jasper in her yellow Porsche. The car gave him the opportunity to travel with her and I didn't really care. I felt like I could use the time to prepare myself for seeing Edward and meeting his family. We drove for about 20 minutes and it had been awhile since I'd seen a house. There was nothing but woods.

We pulled into a long driveway and finally stopped in front of a large Victorian style home with wrap around porches and a large round turret. I was disappointed to see that Edward's car wasn't there yet, but slightly relieved as well. One thing at a time.

"It's beautiful," I said to Alice as I caught up with her before going inside.

"Yeah, amazing." I wasn't sure if Jasper was talking about the house or Alice.

I followed them inside and stared at the large spacious interior. It was warm with lots of varnished woodwork and hardwood floors. The windows were huge and looked out to a central courtyard.

"Wow, there's so much light." It looked so modern inside.

Alice led us to the kitchen. A petite woman stood before the long granite countertop, preparing a large bowl of punch. The kitchen was absolutely gorgeous--a beautifully orchestrated space with modern appliances. I just stood there trying not to drool. "Mom," Alice said. "I'd like you to meet Bella and Jasper."

She dried her hands on a towel and reached to shake Jasper's hand and pulled me in for a hug.

"Your home is amazing, Mrs. Cullen--and this kitchen--is just incredible."

"Oh, thank you, dear. This is my sanctuary and the reason we bought the house. But please, call me Esme."

"Can I help you with anything?" The sideboards groaned under bowls and platters filled with salads, chopped fruit and side dishes. You'd think they were expecting a football team. "Oh, wow, I guess you have everything under control."

She laughed and took off her apron. "Yeah, well I guess I got a little carried away. But you know Emmett tends to eat like a whole football team."

My breath caught at Esme echoing my exact thoughts. Maybe the mind reading ran in the family.

"Would you like some wine or maybe a cooler?"

"Sure, wine would be great."

She poured me a glass and guided me toward the patio. "Jasper, would you like some wine as well, or there's beer out here in the cooler."

"Thanks, I'd love a beer."

The central courtyard was paved with flat stones and centered around a large Roman style pool with a fountain at one end, all landscaped with lush plants.

If I lived in a place like this, I don't think I'd ever go inside.

One end of the patio housed a big grill and counter that looked like a mini kitchen. And at the station stood a gorgeous man who couldn't be anyone except Edward's father. He looked very much like him though his features were darker and his eyes a deep blue. Looking back at Esme I realized that Edward's coloring came from her with her dark auburn hair and green eyes. They made a stunning pair and when they looked at each other, you could see a sort of glow.

I looked to Jasper and he just smiled at me with an extra twinkle in his eye. I knew he was feeling their remarkable love for one another.

"Carlisle, meet Bella and Jasper."

He shook Jasper's hand with a bright smile and placed a kiss on mine. "Pleased to meet you both."

He handed Jasper a beer and started talking about his work at the hospital. Alice sat beside him and Jasper gave me a little smile and sent some more calming energy my way.

I took my wine and wandered over by the pool where Rose and Emmett sat together on lounge chairs. Emmett jumped up when he saw me and wrapped me in a big bear hug, lifting me off the ground and asking how I was doing. I didn't know Emmett that well, but was strangely comfortable with this action. Emmett had that affect on people.

Rose looked almost angry though. "So Bella, you been hiding that one?" She quirked a perfectly formed eyebrow at me. I didn't have to be an empath to feel the hostility rolling off of her.

"Um no," I said. "He's a childhood friend who just happens to be moving to the area. Jazz and I have known each other since we were 5. He's like a brother to me."

She perked up at that news. "Oh, I bet he could tell us some good Bella stories then."

My face flushed. I supposed Jasper would have a few stories to tell. "Well, I'll just have to dig around for some of your stories then. Maybe Emmett will tell me a few."

Emmett barked out a laugh. "Do I look like I have a death wish?"

"Yeah, I suppose not."

"So, Jingle Bells, how's Eddie boy performing for you?"

The sentence was punctuated with a slap to the back of Emmett's head, courtesy of Rose.

"Um, Edward's therapy is going well." I didn't discuss these things with anyone and that's all I was prepared to say on the subject. "This place is gorgeous. Did you grow up here?"

"Sure," Emmett said. "Have you had the tour yet? I didn't realize how good we had it until I was out on my own."

"No, I've not seen it all. And yes, you were very lucky."

I finished off my glass of wine and made my way back to the kitchen to return my glass. Just as I was stepping inside, I overheard Alice and Esme deep in conversation. "--I don't understand," said Alice, "he should have been here already."

"Why don't you call and see what's keeping him. We'll wait a little longer to eat, but it's almost ready."

As I stepped through the door, Alice excused herself to make a phone call. "Have you seen the house yet?" Esme asked.

"Um, no." I knew they were talking about Edward and wondered what was keeping him.

"Well, how about I give you the tour then?"

"Sure." I followed Esme through the house as she showed me all of the treasures she'd acquired from different places. The house was enormous with lots of bedrooms and sitting rooms. There was even a mini cinema with a large screen for watching movies. But every room felt comfortable and homey. There were little treasures everywhere.

I recognized Edward's room immediately. It just smelled like him, though I imagined it had been awhile since he'd spent much time there. And there were gadgets built into every corner. I wondered what his house would look like now but it was comforting even to see this small part of him.

Esme watched me carefully as I poked through Edward's bookshelf and inspected the gadgets. I had no clue what any of them did, but just thinking that he'd created all of this left me in awe of his talents and just confirmed that he was too bright and creative to want to be with me. He deserved so much more.

"He really was an exceptional child," Esme said with a sigh.

"He's an exceptional man," I said and she locked eyes with me. It was almost as though I were looking into Edward's eyes for a moment and I was sure she could see right through me. She just nodded after awhile, seemingly satisfied with something.

On the ground floor, all of the rooms seemed to be built around the central courtyard. She left me by the washroom off the patio with instructions to come to the kitchen for another drink when I finished.

I splashed some cold water on my face and wondered again where Edward was. What was taking him so long? Was he hesitant to come because of me?

I was heading to the kitchen when I heard a piano playing somewhere behind me. Having seen the room with the baby grand earlier, I was curious as to who could be playing and followed the sound.

The music was soft and gentle and it built to a solid melody. I'd never heard it before. It sounded classical and impressionistic--like it could be Mozart but not quite. I wondered for a moment if it was a CD. The playing was obviously professional--a skill level rivaling Glen Gould. When I reached the room I gasped at what I found.

It was Edward.

He was dressed in a tan suit with a dark shirt--just a hint of skin peeking out through the top buttons. His eyes were closed in concentration and his expression was almost pained as he played. His long fingers flew over the keys in a sensual caress, as though he were trying to coax an orgasm from it. The music grew more and more exquisite, swelling in my chest and breaking my heart with its beauty.

As though he could sense me standing there, his eyes shot open and met mine. I felt like they were pulling me to him and I couldn't resist. All of the worries of the past day or so dissolved in a moment.

I sat beside him on the bench. He leaned in close to me and I mirrored his movements. "You play beautifully," I breathed into his mouth. It was a gross understatement, like saying he was merely handsome.

"Thanks." His breath was the sweetest scent and I leaned in a little closer.

I waited for him to make the next move--for him to initiate the kiss. My lips tingled. I held my breath as he leaned closer, closing the miniscule gap between our mouths. Just as our lips touched footsteps in the doorway broke us apart.

"Edward!" Alice shrieked. "You're finally here."

Jasper stood beside her and the others in behind them. It seemed everyone had heard Edward's playing. Esme was smiling like crazy and everyone was looking at each other as though they were exchanging some silent communication.

"Hey, Eddie, play that tune you used to do--you know the one." Everyone just stared at Emmett.

Edward broke the silence with the piano intro to _I Just Love You_ by _Five for Fighting_. I recognized it instantly but nearly fell off the stool when he started singing. I'd thought his piano playing masterful, but he continued to blow me away with his talent. His voice was so pure and strong. I shouldn't have expected anything else from him at this point, but I was amazed all the same. His voice held so much emotion, it made the hair stand up on my neck and brought tears to my eyes. All I wanted in that moment was to just grab onto him and hold tight, to crawl into his lap and dissolve inside him. The feeling was overwhelming and it took every bit of concentration I could manage to just sit there and listen.

"All right," Esme called when Edward finished, breaking the spell that had been cast over me. "Everything is ready. Let's eat!"

Jasper gave me a confused look as we filed out of the room and back to the patio.

----

_**----**_

_**EPOV**_

I stayed at my piano for hours, pouring out all of the disappointment and fear, the longing and love. I let the music pull me out of the despair that threatened to overtake me. How could someone come into my life and change so much so quickly? It was confusing and scary.

I didn't even notice how late it was until the phone rang. I knew it would be Alice before I even answered.

"Edward, what's going on? Why aren't you here?" she whisper-shouted into the phone.

"Um, sorry," I said. "The time got away from me."

"You don't even have your lab equipment. There's no excuse for losing track of time. Just get here before you give Esme an aneurysm."

"I was playing piano. And I'll be there soon."

She gasped and I didn't need to hear her thoughts to know what she'd think of me playing. While I'd recently started playing piano, it had been a long time since any of them had heard me play.

I hung up, not wanting to hear any more and quickly got ready for the BBQ. The nerves jumped like grasshoppers in my stomach. _Bella must be there already._ _Would she bring Jasper with her? Would I have to see them together?_ I didn't know if I could take that even if they were only friends. Just seeing her being casual with someone else, made the grasshoppers double.

I tried to put it aside as I dressed in a lightweight suit and dark shirt. I dabbed on a bit of cologne and hoped that I looked okay. I tried to tame my hair down with a bit of water, but I knew as soon as it dried, it would just do its own thing. My appearance wasn't something I normally cared much about. It was just my family after all, but Bella had changed even that for me. Maybe if I drove quickly, I'd get there in time to practice the song once more before playing it for her. I didn't know when I'd get the chance to show her, but I had to find a way. We had to find time to talk.

The familiar voices of my family's thoughts flooded my mind as I pulled into the driveway. Emmett conjured images of all the food that was laid out for us while muttering his impatience with me being late. Carlisle was focused on a medical conversation with someone I didn't know. _Must be Jasper_. Alice was focused on Jasper, his blond hair and blue eyes and the way the dimple in his left cheek puckered when he smiled. _Interesting!_ Of course I didn't expect to hear Bella, but I could tell that Esme was giving her a tour of the house. They were currently in my room as Esme was reminiscing about my boyhood. I sighed, craving the silence in my head that I just left.

I headed immediately for the piano when I arrived, hoping to avoid everyone for just a bit longer--for the chance to practice and block out all of the thoughts for a bit, or drown them with music.

I played the opening notes of the song and just closed my eyes, letting the music wash over me, directing my emotions. I poured myself into the piece, caressing each note with gentleness, coaxing the melody from the triads. The music swelled in a synergy as old as time, pulling all the passion from my soul. I poured out all of my feelings, letting it take me to places I'd only dreamed of going, the joy and love and quiet calmness I felt in her presence all manifested itself in this one song.

I still wasn't sure how it ended, but I didn't get the chance. My skin prickled with the sense that someone was watching me. I knew it was her before I opened my eyes. It had to be.

I locked eyes with her, totally oblivious to anything else. I knew she must be able to read me. It was all there in my eyes and I felt more exposed than I'd ever been before.

She walked toward me slowly, coming to rest on the bench beside me. It was as though the music had cast a spell over us. I leaned toward her, feeling the electrical pull. She returned the gesture. I didn't realize how close we'd gotten until she spoke, barely more than a whisper which I felt against my lips more than heard. "You play beautifully."

"Thanks," I said, just as softly.

She stayed there, not coming any closer and I realized that if I wanted to kiss her I'd have to do it. And I wanted to. So much. I leaned in further, barley feeling the tingle of her lips on mine when I heard the approaching footsteps and accompanying thoughts of my family.

"Edward," Alice shrieked, "you're finally here." _Oops. Sorry. Didn't mean too interrupt._

I assumed the tall blond man beside her was Jasper. His thoughts were slow and calm. _Wow, talk about energy. I've never felt love so thick. Hmmm... I wonder..._ then they trailed off into low murmurs.

Esme's thoughts cut in, joyful and clear. _He's playing again. Oh Edward. Nothing could make me happier. It's been so long._

Emmett was thinking about all of the music he'd heard me play over the years.

And Rose--Rose was reciting the Indy 500 cup final score results in her head, alphabetically for each year starting at its opening in 1911. I stared at her, trying to figure out what she was up to.

Emmett's booming voice interrupted my thoughts. "Hey, Eddie, play that tune you used to do. You know the one."

_I Just Love You._ Yeah, I knew it. It'd been a long time since I'd played this kind of music. The last time had been a party much like this one five years ago. It was one of my favorite _Five for Fighting_ songs and was about a father daughter relationship. But if I sang it now, it would be for Bella and the love I felt for her. This was a safe way for me to say that I loved her, without really saying it to her.

I played the opening notes, feeling Bella shift beside me. I was a little self conscious about singing in front of her. It'd been so long even since I'd sung in front of anyone.

_Lonely, yeah that's the word_

_I leave my heart when I leave her_

_The days go on forever and the nights do too_

_One evening out on the road_

_A half a world away from home_

_I thought she was sleeping_

_When the call came through_

_I said, Darling, it's late, is everything okay_

_Silence took over the room_

_'Til she said_

_I--I just Love You_

_I Don't Know Why, I Just Do_

_When are you coming home?_

_I'm coming home soon_

_And I just love you too_

I looked over at Bella, gauging her reaction. Her eyes were misty and so open. I felt like I could see right into her soul and I was afraid that she could see into mine. I held her eyes as I sang the next bit.

_Lonely lets me be_

_For a while she sets me free_

_I close my eyes and I dream of her_

_She's lost in my arms_

_Her head on my heart_

_And softly she whispers the words_

_I--I just Love You_

_I Don't Know Why, I Just Do_

_When are you coming home_

_I'm coming home soon_

_And I just love you too_

The intensity in her eyes shook me. I was choking up and I had to break her gaze or I wouldn't be able to finish. I closed my eyes and just concentrated on the melody, letting the emotion carry me.

_I'll never stop being amazed_

_How my 4-year old girl knows exactly what to say_

_I, I just Love You_

_I Don't Know Why, I Just Do_

_When are you coming home_

_I'm coming home soon_

_Cause I just love you too_

When I finished I opened my eyes to see that Esme and Alice had tears in their eyes.

_Wow, little brother. That was amazing._

Esme's thoughts were more abstract--pictures of me when I was younger, the recitals and concerts that I played.

"All right," Esme called, "everything is ready, let's eat."

It wasn't until I was following Bella out of the room that I noticed her dress. It was my favorite color of blue and strapless. An exquisite cocktail dress that swiveled around her thighs and made her legs look 10 miles long.

I couldn't keep myself from touching her so I put my hand on her back under the guise of guiding her out to the patio and felt the form of another garment under the silk. I wondered for a moment what she could be wearing, but didn't let my mind drift too far in that direction.

Dinner was pleasant, though I felt drained by the end of it all. Everyone seemed so guarded with their thoughts, much more than usual. I could only assume that they were trying to make me more comfortable, but it had the opposite effect, setting me on edge. I'd much rather know what everyone was thinking.

Rosalie was slowly working through her list of Indy finalists though she was in the last decade now. I wondered what she'd do when she ran out.

She excused herself immediately after dinner to answer her phone.

"Sorry," she said, coming back out when she finished. "That was a call from a client--an emergency so I have to run."

"Oh," Emmett said, "Okay, well let me get our things and I'll drive you."

"No, that's okay. I called a friend to pick me up. She'll be here any moment." The recitation of statistics got louder in her mind and I worried about what she could be up to. She didn't normally put that much focus into anything.

I looked at Bella who was watching me with a quizzical expression. I shrugged.

"So," Carlisle said, "I hear your therapy is going well."

My face heated and I nodded, wondering what Bella could have told them.

_Don't worry son, she didn't say anything out of order, just that things were going well._ "So I guess you could probably have your equipment back later this week."

My ears were still burning in embarrassment. But the idea of having my stuff back was uplifting. I turned to Alice. "Okay, since you came and took everything, you can deliver it back to its rightful place."

She finished off her pie and wiped her face on her napkin before leaning back in the patio chair with her drink. "Well, when Bella discharges you as a patient, I'll bring it all back and set it up for you. Finish your therapy and I'll even throw in that spectro--thingy you've been ogling for the past year."

"You're going to buy me a spectrophotometer?" I had no idea that she even knew I wanted one. I'd been trying to buy one for the past year, but all my money was tied up in my project right now. It would be at least another year before I could loosen up my funds a little bit. It wasn't something I would ask my parents to help out with. They'd already invested a lot of money in my project and I almost had enough to build the pilot city.

"Sure," she said, smiling at me, as though she knew I was considering quitting the therapy. "As soon as Bella tells me that your therapy is complete, I'll make sure your lab is back, just the way it was, with your new equipment."

I looked at Bella who was watching the exchange with interest. Did she sense that something was off--that I was considering quitting? No, she just looked surprised and puzzled. But Alice definitely knew something was going on--damn interfering pixie with her premonitions.

Well, I'd come this far. What were a few more days? I was afraid of getting any closer to Bella than I already was, but that was ludicrous. If I were honest with myself, I was already a goner. I loved her. Could I risk a few more days to fall even deeper? The bigger question at this point was did I have enough strength not to? Could I stay away?

I sighed in frustration. I'd just have to savor every minute we had together, commit it to memory so I could keep it with me always.

"Well, you'd best put in the order then, sis." I smiled at Bella as I spoke and she nodded.

"Yes, if all goes well, Edward should be finished his therapy in the next couple of days."

The doorbell rang and Rose ran off to answer it, claiming it must be her ride. We all filed into the living room behind her. I still had no clue what she was up to, and I was a bit afraid to find out.

I was about to sit next to Bella on the couch when a familiar voice caught me by surprise. "Oh, Edward. So good to see you."

I stiffened as she ran her hand over my arm. "Tanya." My face flushed. "Good of you to come and help Rose out." I gave Rose a hard glance as I took in Tanya's thoughts. _God he's so gorgeous. Too bad! Such a waste._

Rose cut into our exchange. "Tanya, you know almost everyone here. This is Bella."

Bella turned and nodded to Tanya, but she didn't look happy about it.

"And the man over there next to Alice is Jasper."

"Nice to meet you," Tanya said, but she never took her eyes off of me. "You'll have to give me a call sometime Edward and we'll--_catch up_." _It's worth another try,_ she thought. _Maybe he just had too much to drink that night. _

I laughed out loud at that and sat down next to Bella.

_And he can't be interested in that mousy girl._

And that just made me angry. Bella was beautiful in ways Tanya would only ever dream about. I reached over and squeezed Bella's hand and she smiled at me. "That's okay, Tanya, I think we're all _caught up_."

"Well, we'd best get going," Rose called.

Tanya grunted a reply and followed her out the door. It was like a pressure had lifted in the room when she left and I could breathe again. Everyone looked relieved.

_I'm not sorry to see the back of her_, Alice thought.

_That was the tensest atmosphere I've tasted in a long time._ Jasper's thoughts had been nagging at me all evening. There was something different about him that was for sure, though I couldn't put my finger on what it was. He seemed to have a very sensitive nature, as though he could feel what everyone else was feeling.

Bella and Alice went into the kitchen to help Esme clean up and I had a chance to ask Emmett the question that had been bothering me since I arrived. "So, Emmett, what's up with Rose?"

He frowned and shrugged, looking from Carlisle to Jasper and back to me. "What do you mean?"

He seemed like he genuinely didn't know what I was talking about. "Well, she's been reciting Indy 500 statistics since I got here."

"Really?" Emmett said somewhat awed. "She did that while carrying on a conversation at the same time. Wow! What a woman. But then again, she is good at multitasking." The images that followed that statement nearly made me vomit.

"C'mon Em. Now I have to wash my brain out with bleach."

Jasper's laugh mingled with Carlisle quiet chuckle.

"Sorry, bro. I can't always control my thoughts you know."

"But you really didn't notice that she was up to anything?"

"No." He turned on the TV to a baseball game. Well, I shouldn't have been surprised. He wasn't the most observant guy.

"I did notice that she was rather nervous," Jasper said.

We all turned our attention to him. "Really? How could you tell?"

His face reddened slightly. "Oh, I can feel people's emotions. I'm an empath."

Ah. That explained a lot. Then my face burned bright. "Um, so you can tell what I've been feeling the whole time you've been here?" Panic rushed through me and it reminded me of Bella's reaction when she found out I could hear people's thoughts. It felt like such an invasion of privacy even though he probably couldn't help it any more than I could.

"Yeah!"

"Uh, and do you keep that info to yourself or do you share it with--um--people?"

He looked at me for a moment as though sizing me up. _Don't worry about it, _he thought_. You don't tell Alice what I've been thinking and I won't tell Bella how you feel._ "Deal?" he asked.

I sighed in relief. "Deal!"

"Your gift must be really helpful in your therapy, Jasper. How does it work?"

Jasper and Carlisle got into an involved conversation about energy therapies. It turns out that Jasper could not only read everyone's emotions but could influence them as well by projecting his own energy into their connection. The only thing limiting his gift was his ability to create the emotion in himself--much like an actor.

"So, you're playing piano again, little brother," Emmett said, smiling. "Good for you. Maybe you'd like to hook up with the band again? We're playing once a month down at Sam's Place. We could always use an awesome piano player. A little extra cash and some fun? Whaddaya think?"

Emmett had been a drummer since he was 10. It had driven my parents crazy for a long time, but he was good. And he took that shit seriously. We'd played together a lot during our teens, but we were just a garage band. But he'd been playing at Sam's for years now and had gone through a lot of band members over the years. Yes, I'd been playing lately, but did I want to take that kind of time out of my life just for fun? I hadn't realized before this moment how much I missed spending time with Emmett. "Maybe. I'll think about it."

_**BPOV**_

I didn't really understand what all the business was with Alice buying Edward some equipment. We were almost finished our therapy. What was the point in adding incentive at this stage of the game? I just shook my head and smiled, figuring I'd find out soon enough.

The doorbell rang as we got settled in the living room. Carlisle and Esme sat in the loveseat and Alice and Jasper sat in the large armchair. I sat beside Emmett on the couch, leaving room for Edward as Rose went off to answer the door. Edward was about to sit down next to me when a grating voice spoke.

"Oh, Edward. So good to see you."

I looked up to see a gorgeous strawberry blonde caressing his arm. I was filled with a rage, wanting to tear her arm right out of its socket. I'd never been a very violent person and the feeling really rocked me. I noticed his posture stiffen as he spoke. "Tanya."

The name felt like a hot knife in my stomach. So this was the woman who had taken his virginity--sort of.

That cute blush spread over his face. "Good of you to come and help Rose out."

Rose decided it was time to introduce us, while I just sat there, wishing they would leave already. I snuck a glance at Rose as she spoke and her smile looked menacing, scaring me a little. "Tanya, you know almost everyone here. This is Bella."

I turned back to Tanya and nodded, not trusting myself to speak, then quickly looked away, trying to reign in my emotions. I could feel the tension in the air, like a heavy fog. I wasn't the only uncomfortable one.

"And the man over there next to Alice is Jasper."

"Nice to meet you," Tanya said, but she never took her eyes off of Edward. "You'll have to give me a call sometime, Edward and we'll--_catch up_." I tried to refrain from snorting at her obvious innuendo when all I really wanted to do was tear her eyes out and shout, mine--don't even look at him.

Edward laughed as he sat down next to me and I was relieved that she was no longer touching him.

Then I felt a spike of anger from Edward. It was seldom that I could determine what the emotion was in another person, but then Edward and I had that weird connection. He reached over and squeezed my hand, which calmed me and I smiled up at him. He didn't take his eyes off me as he spoke to her. "That's okay, Tanya, I think we're all _caught up_."

"Well, we'd best get going," Rose called.

Tanya grunted a reply and followed her out the door. I'd never been so glad to see someone leave, yet my emotions scared me. Of course Edward could be with anyone he wanted. I had no hold on him. I had to get control of this jealousy. I liked Alice and someday I'd no doubt see him with someone else. I told myself that it was her specifically. I might be able to some day stand to see Edward with another woman, but not that one. She gave me the creeps. Still, I didn't know if I believed it.

Edward didn't give my hand back until I went to help Esme with the cleanup.

Alice was her usual chipper self but she seemed to have a little extra bounce in her step.

I piled up the dishes while Esme started loading the dishwasher.

"So," Alice said, "Edward is really that close to being finished?"

My cheeks heated a little at the thought of what Edward and I had already done. I felt like I was corrupting him and had to remind myself that this is what I'd been hired to do. "Yeah, I mean, he's doing really well. A couple more days and I'll discharge him." A stab of pain in my chest accompanied this thought.

Esme and Alice exchanged a look and I had a feeling they were ganging up on me. "So, what happens after that?" she asked. "I mean, we can still be friends and everything right?"

"Yeah, sure," I said, feeling relieved that she was talking about herself and not Edward. "Of course I still want to be friends Alice--shopping and all."

"Yay!" She screeched and hugged me.

We were finished with the dishes and packing up the salads when Esme finally cut in. "You know, Bella, I can't thank you enough for what you've done for Edward already. He's so much more like the little boy he used to be."

"Oh," I said, "it's nothing Esme. Working with Edward has been a pleasure. He's a very sweet guy. I don't see a lot of that in my line of work."

Alice laughed. "I bet. But you're still on sabbatical right? Rose said you were writing a book?"

"Yeah, a book on energy therapies. It's something I've been meaning to do for awhile."

"Do you think you could ever have a relationship with a former client, Bella?"

I sighed. I'd been afraid this was coming. "Well, you know relationships aren't really possible with my career. And the client usually develops some--attachment to the therapist--transference and gratitude and sometimes they mistake it for more. But it isn't real and I could never be in a relationship without love. If I ever take that chance, I want the real thing." And God I wished that Edward could be the real thing for me. But it was impossible. "So, probably not. I can't really see it."

Alice looked dejected but Esme just smiled knowingly with unshed tears in her eyes. She hugged me and whispered in my ear. "Oh, Bella, I wish I could help. But I know it will all work out for you. You have a great spirit and a big heart. Save a little room for love girl. You deserve it."

I wiped the tears from my eyes before heading back out to say goodnight. Everyone had been so accepting of me. I'd never had much of a family--it'd been just Charlie and me for as long as I could remember. But this was nice. It would be nice to be part of a family like this.

_**EPOV**_

Soon the women were finished cleaning up and we were all ready to head out.

I was standing next to Bella when Alice approached. "Bella, Jasper and I are going to hang out for awhile and I'll drop him off at his new house when he's finished." _If he wants to leave that is._

"Oh, okay," she said, smiling knowingly at the two of them. "Have fun kids."

They said their goodbyes to Mom and Dad and left.

Bella was ready to leave and I said I'd walk out with her. I was ready to leave and I had to move my car out of the way so that she could get out of the driveway anyways.

"Thank-you so much, Esme. It was a wonderful evening. Your home is so beautiful. And it was great meeting you too Carlisle. Thanks for having me."

Dad smiled and nodded as Mom responded. "No problem, dear. Come back and visit us again. It was a pleasure." _You two look so beautiful and happy together. It'll work out, Edward. Stop over thinking everything. Mother knows best now._

I coughed to cover my laugh as I said goodnight and walked out into the night air with Bella.

"Night Jingle Bells," called Emmett. "Night bro, I'll call you in a few days about the band. Think about it."

"Night Em," we both shouted together, then looked at each other and laughed.

"Oh, I wish I could have heard you play some more music," she said. "That was incredible."

"I'll play for you again," I assured her. "I have a piano at home too."

I walked Bella to her car and was surprised when she turned and gave me a peck on the cheek. "Thanks, Edward. I had a lot of fun and I appreciate you sharing your family with me. I know that couldn't have been easy for you."

My cheek tingled where she kissed me and I felt excited as I jogged to my car and got in, looking back in the rear view mirror to see her starting her car. I touched my cheek where she kissed me. We'd done so much more than this, how could my heart swell so much from such a small gesture? I was turning into a girl.

I figured I'd best get moving before she wondered what was keeping me. I turned the ignition and there was nothing. Dead. I tried again. Hmmm… It had been fine when I got here. My car was perfect. It never hesitated. I tried once more and it was still dead. I groaned as I got out of the car. I jogged back to her car and she rolled down the window. "Sorry, Bella. I'm not sure what's wrong with it. It was fine earlier, but it won't start now."

"No problem," she said. "Let's push it out of the way and I'll give you a lift home."

"No offense, but there's no way I'm letting you push my car. I'll get Dad to help."

In a few minutes we had my car pushed off to the side and I got in with Bella. I'd have to get a ride back tomorrow and see if I could get it going in daylight. There was no room in my parents garage and I didn't feel like looking at it tonight.

We pulled out onto the road and I told her which way to turn, suddenly nervous about her seeing my home. What would she think of it? "Sorry for the inconvenience," I said as she dialed in some nice classical music.

"No problem. Now I get to see where you live. And maybe I can talk you into another little concert." She laughed and my heart stuttered at the sound. God she was beautiful.

**Endnotes:**

**Okay, so more fun coming soon. ****:)**** For those who are interested you can check out the version of the song by Five for Fighting that I envisioned in this chapter. Link on my profile page.**

**As I've mentioned before some of Edward's professional life is based on the life of Jacques Fresco who is a brilliant man. If you want to check out his project its called The Venus Project ****link ****on my profile. His designs are amazing and the philosophy makes so much sense. **

**Okay, so the question is will Bella get her private concert? And will Edward get to see that garment she's hiding under that dress? Hmmm… Any thoughts? Come on, push that button. You know you want to. ****:)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Chapter Notes:**

**Yeah, it's me (ducks to avoid flying fruit). Sorry! That's about all I can say for being so long since I updated. But you know, real life and stuff. **

**Okay, a big thanks to Bittenev who is my awesome, super-beta. She is so amazingly supportive and helpful. I absolutely couldn't post without her. Well, maybe I could, but you wouldn't like the results. **

**Thanks to Twilightzoner as well for her super speed. **

**I still don't own these characters, seeing as how I haven't undergone an identity change. Okay, on with the smut--I mean show.**

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_**BPOV**_

I put some light classical music on as we pulled out of the driveway to put us at ease. I felt anything but. The whole encounter with Tanya had thrown me. I recognized the jealousy for what it was even though I'd never really felt it before. It was such a violent emotion and so inappropriate that I couldn't really reconcile myself with it.

He apologized for putting me out of my way to take him home and I could feel his anxiety. I tried to ease the feeling, saying something about seeing his house and maybe hearing him play some more. Was I actually flirting with him? God, I was losing my mind. _Could I get anymore inappropriate?_

But this was Edward. And there was no denying that I loved him. He didn't know that. As long as I kept it to myself, I wasn't really endangering him. I knew the pain would come. There'd be plenty of time to worry about that later. Right now he was mine, if only for the next day or so. I'd make the most of it and indulge in my own fantasy that he could really be mine. When it was over I'd let myself fall apart.

I had to distract myself somehow and I could feel the tension building as Edward guided me through country roads, taking us further into the woods.

"So, what was up with Rose tonight?" I asked, wondering if he noticed her odd behavior.

"Yeah," he said, keeping his eyes on the road. "I don't know. It was weird. She was reciting Indy cup finalists in her thoughts all night along with the make and specs on their cars."

I'd forgotten for a moment that he could hear all of their thoughts. That must have made for an interesting night. I wondered for a moment what Tanya had been thinking before I pulled myself out of it, thankful that I couldn't read her mind. "Huh, really?" There was certainly something strange going on with Rose. I didn't know her really well, but even I could tell something was up. "That must be weird to be able to hear all of the thoughts of so many people. Is it like a rumble of voices in a crowd?"

"Similar I guess." His expression was hidden in the partial darkness of the car as he watched me. "It's a bit different with thoughts because they aren't always words. People think in images and sounds more often than words. But yeah, it's nice to get away from it all and just have silence. That's why I bought land so far from town."

"That makes sense." I realized that it must be a relief for him to be with me, to have company without having the noise of the other person's thoughts. I hadn't really thought much about it. It still seemed so unreal to me. But growing up with Jasper probably left me with more of an open mind about these things.

I watched him in the glow of the dash. He seemed to concentrate intently--as though he was working up the nerve for something. His brow furrowed, his beatific features drawn in sharp angular lines.

I reached over and squeezed his arm, trying to bring back our connection and the easy familiarity of the day before. "Cheer up," I said. "You'll get your car going tomorrow. Don't worry."

"Oh, I'm not worried about it. I don't understand what could have happened to it, but it'll be fine. Dad said to call tomorrow and he'd pick me up."

His fingers twitched on the seat beside me only inches from my own hand as though he wanted contact but was afraid to reach out and take it. But tonight there was no room for fear. Tonight he was mine. I closed the distance, tangling our fingers together. I wanted to pull him closer or climb into his lap. But I couldn't do any of that while driving, especially on the narrow dirt roads.

I could almost feel the heat from his blush as he stared at me. He caressed the lines of my face with the back of his fingers and just like that, the tension shifted into something else. It was difficult to concentrate on his feelings when my heart was thrumming in response to his simple touch.

Before I had a chance to do or say anything more he pointed off to the left and said, "It's right up here."

I noticed a mailbox and turned down the narrow gravel driveway that seemed to go on forever. After about a quarter mile we arrived at a house that looked like something from a fairy tale. It was a domed house with other curved sections added to the sides and back. It belonged so completely in the landscape that I was struck dumb for a moment, just absorbing what I could see of it in the darkness.

"So, thanks for the ride. I appreciate it."

I suddenly felt shy. It was ridiculous after what we'd been through the past couple of days. "No problem."

He started to open the car door and then paused as though he was going to say something more. "Would you like to--come in? Maybe have a glass of wine or some coffee." He didn't meet my eyes as he spoke.

"Sure, that would be nice."

I followed him through the door as he flicked on the lights and tossed his keys on a table by the door. The room felt very spacious with plush furnishings and a black baby grand much like the one at his parent's house in the center. A granite topped island separated the living area from the kitchen which sported maple cabinets and a small table.

"Wow, what a great place you have here."

He pulled some glasses from the cabinet over the sink. "Thanks. Would you like a glass of wine?"

"Sure." I sat on a stool at the island and watched him pour us a glass of red wine and hand it to me. I rolled it around my mouth as I watched him repeat the process for himself. The wine was a nice fruity taste, but not sweet. "Mmmm... That's good."

"Yeah," he said, sitting across from me. "It's one of my favorites."

The wine warmed my belly and started to relax me. I'd have to be careful not to drink too much of that before driving home. Home--just the idea of it left me feeling cold and alone. I'd lived alone for years and had never worried about it before. I was happy alone. Really!

"So, what did you think of the family?" His smooth voice pulled me back from my rambling thoughts.

"Well, Esme is amazing of course," I said, thinking back to the wonderful house she decorated and furnished and then moving on to thoughts of Emmett, Alice and Edward--the amazing family that she raised. "She's everything a mother should be." And everything Rene hadn't been. "And your father is wonderful too." I could understand Carlisle better. He was more like my own father. "Emmett is, well, Emmett. He's fun and fiercely loyal. You are lucky to have a brother like him." I would have loved to have a brother and Emmett would be exactly the one I'd choose. "And Alice is--completely off her nut."

He laughed, choking on the wine before he caught his breath again. "You really get Alice--completely."

I chuckled. I did feel a strange kinship with the little sprite--aside from the shopping. She cared about her family and pushed them to be happy in their lives, even if that isn't convenient for her. "Yeah, I feel like I've known her forever. Isn't that strange?" I felt the same comfort with Edward--as though we'd known each other forever--or at least far longer than a few days.

"No, not really," he said, looking far away. "Sometimes you just have to go with whatever happens. Alice is a big believer that everything happens for a reason. Maybe your friendship was predetermined."

I tried to read him, but found I couldn't. And that thought made panic sweep over me. Was I getting in the way with my own emotions? This wasn't supposed to happen. Agh!

"So," I said, desperate to change the subject before he brought up something I couldn't live with discussing. "How about that concert? Will you play something else for me?"

He smiled and stood, reaching for my hand. I took my wine and followed him over to the piano. His fingers ghosted over the keys in a couple of scales before he shook his hands out and started to play. He started with Claire de Lune, playing it so beautiful and haunting I could hardly stand it. Then he moved into the same song that I heard him play earlier--that song I couldn't identify that was so filled with emotion. I couldn't just sit here and listen. I wouldn't make it through it this time. My emotions were too close to the surface.

The music swirled around me, pulling me closer until it felt like he was playing the feelings in my heart. It felt like a loop--the music pouring out of me into him, then repeating the circuit. It was like giant arms, circling around me and pulling me closer. And when his lips met mine it felt as though my last barrier had fallen. I felt the energy flowing freely between us--as though I was filling him up with my soul. It felt like seconds, or hours or days. We were both completely open for that one moment and we filled each other up with something we were both missing. I felt like a character in a romance novel--after a few days--it was ridiculous and perfect all at the same time.

Still, I had to end the moment before I got lost completely, so I reluctantly pulled out Dr. Swan.

But I promised myself I'd let that happen again tonight. I might not be able to tell him how I felt, but I would do my best to make sure that he has no doubt about my complete adoration--of my love for him. Tonight some part of him would know.

He groaned and pulled back as I forced myself to speak. "I know this is probably annoying, but I think we need to talk for a minute." My face heated with the words. _What could I say? I'm going to take advantage of you. I hope you don't mind. But I can't just do that without saying anything._

"Okay," he said, his voice cracking slightly. He looked nervous.

I was puzzled for a moment until I realized that he might have taken what I said wrong. "No, it's nothing bad, really." I squeezed his arm in reassurance. "I think we've gotten through most of your blocks if not all of them."

"Yeah," he said, his voice surprised. "I don't feel any anxiety at all."

"Exactly. So, what I'm saying is that I'm happy to take this further, but I don't want you to feel that you have to do that to complete your therapy. If you wanted to save that last intimacy--for someone special--" A picture of Tanya flashed through my mind and I bit back tears at the thought. He would no doubt find someone who would look absolutely perfect with him, whether it was her or someone else. That's what I was here for--to prepare him to have a full life with someone else. Only that thought made me feel like a truck was parked on my chest. God I was becoming some sappy romantic. How would I ever survive in this profession?

"Oh," he said, looking at his hands, "so then our therapy would be complete?"

I wanted to see his face, to know what he was feeling, but he denied me eye contact, just staring at his fingers as the blush crept down his neck. I didn't want his therapy to be complete. I needed him. I needed to have this one night with him--with no barriers. To show him how I felt. And to have this one memory to keep forever. But this wasn't about me. I had to do the right thing and offer him the out. "Yes. That's what I'm saying."

He sat unmoving, the blush only getting deeper.

Waves of sadness washed over me and I didn't know if they were mine or his. I had to do something. "I'm not trying to reject you. It isn't that I don't want to make love with you. And I know this is probably embarrassing to talk about, but I don't want you to feel like you should give the gift of your virginity to me in therapy if you want to save that for someone else." I reached out and squeezed his arm. "I don't want you to feel forced into something you don't want in order to finish the therapy and satisfy your family. This is about you."

He finally met my eyes and my heart squeezed and sped at the same time. Tears glistened in his beautiful eyes and just made me want to hurt myself for making this amazing man sad. But there was something else there--something feral that made my heart pound. I swallowed the knot in my throat while I waited for his response.

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_**EPOV**_

I felt the music flow through my fingers, charging the air around us. It was as though it was pulling us together and before I knew what was happening we were kissing and it felt so different than before. As though I was suddenly kissing Bella rather than Dr. Swan. My whole body responded--blood hammering through my veins, with a passion I'd never experienced before. It was as though we completed each other in that one moment--as if she felt some of the love that I'd been fighting all this time.

When she pulled away, the force of the rejection rushed in, crushing me. But the feeling eased as she explained that she was only concerned that I'd regret making love with her--as if that was possible. The truth was that I was hers completely, for as long as she wanted me. There was no use fighting it.

"I want to try--with you," my voice was low and rough to my own ears. I felt like a bumbling fool in the presence of a princess. I stared at my fingers as I waited for her to break the silence.

"Edward," she said, her voice breathy.

When I didn't answer I felt her warm hand on my cheek, pulling my gaze up to hers. I was afraid to meet her gaze--sure she'd see my heart reflected in my eyes. But her gaze was companionate and understanding--as though she could feel some of the complexity of emotions that I was going through. After a moment she continued, her voice caressing me as surely as her hands were. "I would be honored to be your first." She leaned in and brushed her lips softly against mine, sending little sparks darting straight to my chest.

I whispered her name against her lips like a sacred chant. I couldn't believe this was really going to happen. I deepened the kiss until we broke away breathless. And I could see it in her eyes. Whether it was real or wishful thinking, I could see some measure of the love I felt for her. Tonight I really would be making love with her, if only in my mind.

"Let's take our drinks over to the couch, yeah? I asked.

She stood and led the way over to the couch the fabric of her dress swirling across her hips. My fingers itched to reach out and feel the curve of her waist.

I turned on my ipod and picked a playlist of soft music. I brought the bottle of wine with us and refilled our glasses. Raising my glass in a toast, I and was stymied for a moment. I couldn't say what I really felt and was considering an appropriate toast when she took over.

"To healing," she said and I had a feeling she meant something more than just my therapy. But I couldn't be sure.

"So," Bella said as she swallowed. "I thought we could spend the day together tomorrow--to complete our therapy, you know." She glanced down at her glass and watched her hands fidget with the stem of the wine glass. "I mean--if you're free that is--though I guess you have to get your car working and stuff. We can do it another time if you want. I just thought..."

Babbling Bella was too cute. I stopped her before she could get herself worked up. "It's okay. That's fine. I'll just call my dad and let him know I won't be able to do it until Monday. He won't care."

She smiled and took another long drink. She let the wine fill her mouth for a minute before swallowing and the action was so sensual I found myself leaning closer. She opened her eyes and noticed the way I was leaning and reciprocated. When her mouth was only inches from mine she spoke. "We could start tomorrow a little early, if you want."

_Did I want? There was nothing I wanted more. _"Mmmmmm..." I hummed, closing the distance to touch her soft lips. The spark of electricity that followed should be something I was expecting by now, but it still took me by surprise--every time. I didn't move, just sat there and experienced the contact. The electric charge surged through my body all the way to my fingertips.

After a moment she pulled back and smiled. And her smile just pulled me deeper. God she was beautiful.

"So," she said, raising her glass to touch mine again, "to new experiences."

I'd drink to that. I tipped my glass back and finished it off. My stomach was starting to feel warm from the alcohol and I relaxed back into the couch, just enjoying being with her, here in my place. She looked perfect sitting there on my couch, like she belonged.

"So, Edward," she called me out of my thoughts, "tell me a fantasy you've had."

My face immediately burned hot even before I fully registered her question. "What?"

"Tell me one of your fantasies. Have you fantasized about having me here?"

God, could I answer that? I mean, yeah of course I'd fantasized about having her here--on every surface in every way imaginable. But I couldn't say that. She couldn't know how much I truly felt for her or she'd withdraw. I was sure of it. "Uh--I--uh--"

She squeezed my knee in reassurance, or to stop my babbling, I wasn't sure which. "Don't be shy with me. There's nothing you can't say to me."

"I know," I said and I did. I did know that she wouldn't balk at anything I suggested, physically. What would she say if I just said it? Bella, I love you. Four simple words really. But I couldn't do it. I didn't want to lose what I had with her because she couldn't give me what I wanted. I was going to take what I could and keep it with me--lock it up into my heart. So what could I say?

"Really, I want to know you better. I want to know what you like. I want to make this perfect for you..." She seemed at a loss in the same way that I had.

Being with her is what would make it perfect. Nothing else was necessary. "Everything is perfect with you. It's all be so much more than I expected... I just don't know..."

"Okay, maybe if I give a bit, you'll feel more comfortable?"

I nodded, dying to know what she would say.

"Earlier when you were playing the piano, all I could think about was the way you looked, how in touch with the music you were and I wanted to get in there. I wanted to kiss you and lick every inch of your body. I wanted to take you in my mouth while you played and hear the passion pour out of you through the music."

I stared at her, my jaw slack.

"So, I told you mine. I want to hear one of yours." She took another sip of wine and looked away, giving me the privacy to pull myself together.

"Um--I'd um--well--I'd like to spread you out over my piano and taste you in that dress. Um--yeah--that would be--yeah." My face was on fire and I was afraid to look at her.

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_**BPOV**_

Heat shot straight to my sex. God, could he get any more perfect? I ask him about his fantasies and he fantasizes about pleasuring me. I just looked at him for a minute, his face flushed, his head down as he tried to avoid eye contact. To think just a few days ago, that this man hadn't experienced an orgasm in years. It seemed ridiculous. He was so obviously made for sex. He was perfection personified--every woman's wet dream. He deserved it all. And the knowledge that I couldn't give it to him physically pained me.

Time stretched and he continued to avoid my eyes. I couldn't let him think he'd offended me. My own reactions kept getting the better of me, taking my focus away from where it should be--on him.

"Edward," I said, hoping I wasn't too late, "look at me."

He didn't move.

"Look at me, please."

He still didn't move. I put my hand on his cheek and turned his head as I knelt on the floor in front of him until he had to meet my eyes.

"You have nothing to feel embarrassed about."

Finally he really looked at me, doubt evident in his eyes. But he was here, with me again. I could feel it. "Really, Edward. That was so hot I couldn't speak. Just the image..." I shivered in memory of his incredible mouth on me. "Don't ever feel awkward about wanting to give a woman pleasure like that. She'd have to be a fool to turn you down."

"Really?" he asked, his voice rough.

"Really." I leaned in and kissed him again. I was done playing with him. I was going to give him what I could of myself now. I was done holding back. Tonight, I was going to love Edward Cullen with every part of my body and soul.

_**---**_

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_**EPOV**_

God, I was so relieved that she wasn't put off by what I said. I couldn't believe she was here, kissing me so softly, as though I might break.

Her voice cut into my thoughts once again. "So, you sure you're ready?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice not to squeak at the moment.

"Okay, remember what I said before. If anything starts to make you feel even a little anxious, stop me and we'll deal with it. I won't do anything you are uncomfortable with. You need to tell me though, I can't read your mind."

I laughed. I couldn't read her mind either and for once I actually wanted to. I wanted to know everything she was thinking. The curiosity burned inside me.

"Okay?" she said, prompting me.

"Yeah, okay." I said, swallowing down the sudden nerves.

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_**BPOV**_

I didn't know what this power was he had over me. Was it was the sound of his voice or the image of him pouring out his soul as I took him in my mouth that was driving this wild need for him? Yeah!

He leaned down and stopped any further thoughts with his soft lips moving against mine. I took his passion and gave it back, exploring his mouth thoroughly.

I gauged his expression as I undid the buttons on his shirt, reaching up to feel the hard planes of his chest and pushing the shirt down his arms and onto the floor. I kissed and licked and sucked on the salty skin of his neck as he groaned. I grazed my teeth across his earlobe before whispering, "Can I take your pants off?"

He moaned louder and I took that as an invitation to keep going. I quickly removed his pants and led him over to the piano, fearing that if I knelt in front of him were we were, we wouldn't make it to there at all.

His eyes sparkled with excitement as he sat on the bench and waited for my lead. "What should I play?"

"Anything! Play me one of your favorites."

His forehead wrinkled in concentration before his fingers ghosted over the keys. A melody, unbearably sweet and hauntingly familiar wove into the air around us. He looked up at me then, his gaze locked onto mine and I couldn't look away. The music only strengthened our connection, stitching us together. Something told me to break the connection—to pull back now before it was too late. But it was physically impossible to break away from him.

It soon became unbearable to stand there, beside the keyboard watching him. I had to move closer—had to touch him. I walked behind him, placing kisses on his neck and collarbone. He shivered, but continued to play without faltering.

Positioning myself between him and the piano, I tried not to interfere with the music as I sank to my knees. I raked my fingers over his chest and he flubbed a note, but continued to play. The magical energy swirled around us as the music poured out of him, pulling me closer and guiding my actions.

I took one last look up at Edward, just to be sure. His eyes were dark green and focused on me so intensely that it made my entire body tingle.

The music continued to pour out of him and gather me in and I didn't try to resist any longer. I leaned forward and took him in my mouth. His groan intermingled with my own and a dissonant chord or two rang out as I felt him hit the back of my throat. Swirling my tongue around him, I pulled back only to repeat the action, setting into a rhythm. He continued to play, missing the occasional note. I could feel the energy flowing between us, so powerful I was at a loss for how to stop it, and I didn't really want to. The reality was so much better than I could have ever imagined. I rubbed my thighs together, trying to quell the ache.

When I felt his energy surge, I pulled back and slowed, letting him fall back before I pulled him to the edge again. His eyes were pure fire as they watched me. I wanted this to go on forever—on and on. But if he kept looking at me like that, I was going to come without him ever having to touch me. I never even realized that was possible.

"Please," he murmured as he continued to play, moving smoothly into another song. "Please, Bella … I can't… I want… Don't stop..."

His panting turned to cries as he came with a dissonant chord and a clatter of notes.

I swallowed down his essence and licked my lips. His eyes shone as he pulled me up into his lap, all traces of awkwardness gone.

"You are so beautiful," he said into my hair as he stroked my back.

I pulled back to look into his eyes and my throat closed tight with emotion. He was perfection and this was right where I wanted to be.

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_**EPOV**_

I couldn't concentrate on anything but Bella. She completely mesmerized me. She spoke softly as she undressed me, but I hardly even noticed the clothes leaving my body. She led me over to the piano and I sat on the bench and waited, realizing that I was almost naked as the coolness of the bench soaked through my boxers.

My mind drew a blank. What could I play for the woman I loved while she went down on me? Did they have playlists for such things? I muttered something about what to play and she asked me to just play one of my favorites. I mentally scrolled through my repertoire and finally settled on an easy Mozart piece.

The melody started as my hands moved over the keys on autopilot. It was one of the first songs I'd learned for a recital. And it was one I didn't have to think about. I looked up to meet those brown eyes and sucked in a sharp breath. Her gaze was so focused and intense, I couldn't look away. I'd never felt so vulnerable as I played before. It felt as though I was cracked wide open, my soul pouring out at her feet. I wondered if she could feel it too.

She touched me then and I sighed in relief. She kissed and nipped at my body before climbing in front of me and kneeling. I steeled myself for the contact I knew was coming. I looked down as she took me in her mouth and let out a low groan. I botched a few notes but carried on, my fingers resuming the patterns they were used to.

Her mouth was so warm and perfect, just like the other night. I could hardly stand it. She swirled her tongue around me and took me in until I felt her throat tight around me. Was this what it would feel like when I was finally inside her?

She teased me relentlessly, taking me to the edge only to pull away and start over, slowly building me back up.

My fingers faltered over the notes, changing keys before moving onto the next song. But I couldn't focus on the song. I didn't even know what it was. I watched my erection slide over her full lips, her eyes glowing as she watched me through her long lashes. Her blush radiated down her neck and across her chest.

I felt my music pouring into her, filling her as she took me higher and higher. I couldn't take it again. She had to know what she was doing to me. Endearments rolled off my lips as I begged her to finish it. The intensity roared through me like wildfire as I grunted out my release. She swallowed it down and looked hungry for more, as if she wanted to eat me whole.

I pulled her into my lap and stroked her back as I kissed her gently, pouring out all my gratitude.

"You are so beautiful." It was woefully inadequate.

She hummed into my neck and I kissed her again, focusing on her neck.

"My turn," I said before sliding the zipper down the back of her dress. She stood up and the slinky dress pooled to the floor.

I sucked in a breath as she stood in front of me in a silky blue corset complete with thong and stockings. All of the blood in my body rushed south. How could I be hard again so quickly? This woman had completely bewitched me, body and soul.

I moaned as I pulled her to me, dipping my tongue into her mouth and tasting strawberries and wine and Bella, mixed with a little taste of salt and musk that must have been me.

The feeling of the satin beneath my fingers, stretched tight over her ribs as her tongue moved against mine was too much. I wanted in a way I'd never experienced before. It was a deep vibration ringing through my body, something primal, a need to possess. My kisses turned to nips at her neck and collarbone. She shivered and I felt her nipples strain against the satin, pebbling under my palm.

Needing to taste her I freed her breasts from the top of the corset and leaned down. The sweet flesh puckered against my tongue. I sucked and tasted as she moaned and ran her fingers through my hair. The urge to consume her coursed through me. I _had_ to taste her, feel her arousal on my tongue. I needed to drown myself in her scent, memorize it so that I'd never forget.

I growled as I lifted her and laid her back onto the piano. The deep blue of the satin made her creamy skin glow in stark contrast to the black piano. It was incredible--beyond anything my imagination could have cooked up. I'd never seen anything so damn beautiful in my life. I wanted to keep her here always, spread open, waiting for me.

The animal in me threatened to take over, so I pushed it back and let my eyes roam over her form. She was so beautiful in that moment--offering herself to me, completely trusting. The urge died back a bit and I couldn't wait any longer. I pulled the silky thong from her body slowly, gently, with all of the patience I could manage, and raised it to my nose, inhaling the scent that was uniquely Bella.

I held her eyes as I pulled her legs open, her arousal glistening as I spread her open with my fingers. My chest rumbled as I leaned down and took one long, wet lick. The groan she let out made my erection pulse against my stomach. Without waiting another minute I dipped my tongue into every crevice and explored her. She moaned and squirmed beneath me and I set my mind to record every second of it. I wanted to remember every detail. I rubbed my face in her, coating my skin with that fragrance, wanting it to stay with me forever. I couldn't get enough. I'd never get enough of this.

I played her body like my piano, coaxing sounds from her, making her breath come in short gasps. Her sex contracted around my fingers as I entered her. She felt so tight and I wondered what it would feel like to be inside her, being gripped like that. I groaned into her at the thought, and continued to stroke. Her moans became deeper and more animalistic as I continued to move my fingers inside her. It felt as though there was something inside her--like a balloon filling up with liquid. I was confused for a moment, not understanding what was happening, but her sounds let me know that it was good. I let myself go, not second guessing, simply responding to her sounds with as much pleasure as I could provide. I moved my fingers faster and sucked her clit into my mouth. Her whole body stiffened and I realized it must be time. Her insides tightened and I felt her almost pushing my fingers out.

"Edward--uh--don't stop," she panted the words.

A gush of fluid flooded my face and I almost stopped out of shock. The liquid was salty and clear. It wasn't as strong as her normal taste. I moved my face and kept stroking her with my fingers, milking the liquid from her. It continued to pour from her body as she shook uncontrollably.

It seemed to go on and on before she grabbed my hand and stilled my movements. I pulled her to me and carried her over to the couch. Sitting her on my lap I held her as the shaking calmed and peppered her hair, her shoulders, and her face with kisses.

"Wow," she finally managed. "That was unbelievable. I mean, I obviously know about the g-spot and how it works, I've just never experienced it before. Sorry about all of the--uh--fluid."

I chuckled. As if she had anything to apologize for. That was the hottest thing I could ever imagine seeing. "Don't be sorry. It was beautiful." I kissed her lips then, feeling that fire leap in my belly at the contact. "You're so beautiful. You don't even know…"

She turned in my lap so that she was straddling me and kissed me thoroughly until I was crazed with my need for her. If she stayed with me every day of forever, I'd never get enough of her.

---

---

_**BPOV**_

That was the most intense orgasm ever! Of course a g-spot orgasm is supposed to be something everyone can experience, but I never really believed it. I never thought it would happen to me. The feeling was almost like having to urinate, but it just kept building and building, until my body just took over and pushed it out. The shaking afterward was surprising. It just completely took over me and lasted what seemed like forever.

What was most surprising though was how I could have such an amazing, intense orgasm and still want more. After my orgasm finally passed, I was left with an ache--a need to have him inside me. Feeling his erection pressed against me as I kissed and caressed him only made that ache more intense. I wanted to give him back something--to give him everything.

Eventually, I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and cleaned up the mess. How could I have possibly had that much fluid? It looked like I'd spilled half a bottle of wine.

"So, you--well, you'll stay tonight?" His question caught me off guard. I'd never spent the night with a client before. I hadn't actually slept with anyone in ages (aside from the other night that he spent at my place.) I must have taken too long to answer though because he started to backpedal. "I mean, you don't have to. I just thought--I mean--I just wondered…" He rubbed the back of his neck as his face flamed red and I wondered at how fast he could turn from the confident lover who had me squirming beneath him to this shy, awkward boy.

"No, sorry, my mind was just drifting. Of course I'll stay."

----

----

Butterflies rattled around my stomach as I watched my reflection in the bathroom mirror. It seemed ridiculous that I should be nervous. I felt like a virgin on prom night. _How twisted from the norm could we get?_ I splashed cold water on my face and decided to just go out there, before I had time to think about it too much. I wanted this to be good for him--as tender and loving as I could make it. I wanted it to be the perfect first time.

I opened the door to find him seated on the bed, waiting for me. The bed was a massive sleigh style with a thick navy comforter. And Edward was perfect, his head bowed and his fingers running through that crazy head of hair.

"Would you mind unlacing me?" I turned my back to him as he stood. His fingers worked on the laces and, every gentle brush or contact he made sent shooting chills across my skin. The thing finally let go of its tight hold on my body and my skin tingled at the contact of the cool air. I let it fall to the floor before I turned in his arms and pressed my naked body against his.

He leaned down and kissed me slowly, exploring every bit of my mouth. I sighed into him. I couldn't get enough.

When I finally pulled away I pushed him back onto the bed and crawled over him. I kissed my way up his body until I reached his face. Once there, I stopped and pulled back to really look into his eyes. "Are you sure?"

He groaned and pulled me to him. "Yes."

It was all the answer I needed. I let it overtake me then--all the need and lust and love--and I let it pour from me. I couldn't say the words, but I'd show him. I'd show him everything. Our kisses were slow and sensual, building in intensity until we were both panting with raw need.

"You just lay back," I murmured into his neck, "and let me show you--" _how I feel--my love for you._

His eyes burned into me as I sat back and I was afraid for a moment that I'd spoken my thoughts aloud. I was so lost in the intensity between us that I almost forgot the obligatory condom. I scrambled with my purse on the nightstand before rolling it on and kneeling over him. I watched his eyes roll back as I sank down onto him with a loud groan. God, he filled me up like no one else ever had. I just sat there for a moment, getting used to the fullness and the tiny sparks that the contact shot through me.

He met my eyes again and I allowed myself to get lost in my fantasy. I could almost see the love in his eyes, though I knew it was my overactive imagination. I'd take it. I'd take whatever I could get of him tonight. I allowed my own love to shine through. He recognized it. I could tell by the surprised expression on his face, but I couldn't let him dwell on it for too long.

I started to move with long, slow strokes. Sensation licked through my body--tiny sparks radiating from where we were joined. He groaned and moaned and thrashed as I rode him. Reaching up he palmed my breasts and pinched my nipples. It was heaven. More sensation than I ever thought possible.

Just when I thought he might lose it, the fire in his eyes overflowed and he turned us. Pulling me under him he drove into me hard and fast. I gasped at the change of angle and pressure it caused.

He never looked away from my eyes, making sure that I was all right. In my immense imagination I could see his love filling me up till I could take no more. A hum radiated through my body, as though every pore contributed to the sound, like a chord that can only be achieved by the two voicings. Our souls sang. God, how ridiculously cheesy could I get? But this was some powerful shit. I'd had sex before, but it had never been like this--so intensely consuming. Every nerve in my body was tuned to his movements.

His moans grew as frantic as his thrusts. My name fell from his lips like a chant and I knew he was close.

I pulled his face down to mine and tasted his lips. He slowed down and the sensation increased exponentially. My orgasm started to build in my belly and I was damn well going to take him with me. I pulled him closer and nipped at his ear before speaking. "You're perfect, baby--love--the way you feel--inside me--so big--so hard--filling me up--so good--"

At my words he pulsed inside me and I was lost, thrashing beneath him as my orgasm ripped through me, wringing out every last bit of pleasure my body could give.

As my breathing calmed, feeling returned to my limbs. Edward's crushing weight on me was so comforting that I couldn't bring myself to make him move, even though it was starting to hurt a bit. But he must have realized because he leaned back, taking his weight on his elbows. His eyes glowed and he looked like a love struck boy who just lost his virginity.

I should put some distance between us, but I couldn't pull out the professionalism tonight. Right here in this moment, I wasn't going to lie to myself. He'd just given me so much and I was going to let him feel my love tonight. There'd be time enough for distance all too soon.

The look of concentration on his face made me chuckle. "That was--" he started, but his mouth just hung open as he tried to find the words.

I smiled and cupped his face in my hands. "I know," was all I said. And though I knew he couldn't read my mind in that moment, it felt like we understood each other perfectly.

---

---

_**EPOV**_

As I sat on the bed, waiting for Bella to finish up in the bathroom, I let my mind wander back to the piano. The picture of her laid out before me was burned into my brain. I'd never get it out and I didn't want to.

Nerves knocked around my stomach. I knew Bella didn't expect anything from me and she knew I was a virgin, but I wanted desperately to satisfy her. I wanted to be a real man for her--if only for tonight--because it would probably be the only chance I got.

Of course I didn't expect much, it being my first time. I probably wouldn't last long enough to do much for her--though the earlier activity at the piano had to help.

Before I could get too lost in the downward spiral, she appeared in the doorway, still clad in the blue silk. I stood as she walked over to me and asked me to unlace her. Then she turned, her skin against mine, the silk in a pile at her feet.

Sensation shot through my body like an adrenaline rush. I bent to kiss her, putting everything I felt into my actions. I was going to love Bella tonight and nothing else mattered.

She pushed me back and climbed on top of me, grinding against me. She kissed and nipped my body and told me to let her take care of it. "Let me show you," she said. I could have sworn I heard her voice in my head--_how much I love you_. But I knew it was just my mind playing tricks.

She fumbled for a condom (something that had completely slipped my mind) and put it on before sinking down onto me. Hot, wet warmth surrounded me. And she was oh so damn tight. I almost lost it right there, but I reined it in, thinking about a host of less than sexy images. I finally got it together. I could do this.

Then she started to move.

A groan tore from my throat so long and loud I wouldn't be surprised if my nearest neighbor 4 miles away could hear me. But I didn't care at this point. The house could be burning down around me and I probably wouldn't notice.

The sensation was more intense than I could have ever dreamed. It covered my whole body--not just where we were joined. She rode me slowly, her head tilted back, mouth open, cheeks flushed, breasts bouncing with every movement. I reached up and held them, pulling and twisting her nipples like she showed me in the shower. The feel of them pebbling against my palm was too much. I couldn't take any more. I needed in a way I could have never imagined possible. I had to possess her. I had to hear her sounds, memorize each one.

I used my leg muscles to flip us until I was over her, still joined together. I moaned as I pounded into her. Her voice came to me in breaths and groans and whimpers. I swallowed them with my mouth on hers. This was it. I couldn't hold off any longer. It was too much. Then she pulled me closer and her teeth grazed my earlobe. Her voice was soft and husky in my ear. "You're perfect, baby--love--the way you feel--inside me--so big--so hard--filling me up--so good--"

The heat flowed from my abdomen in a huge shock as my orgasm slammed through me. Her heat clamped tight around me. It went on and on in unending waves and I was lost. Bella's body was the only thing anchoring me to earth as I floated away. Her strained breath in my ear brought me out of my stupor and I held my weight off of her.

As I looked at her I thought about all of the things I wanted to say. The tenderness in her eyes almost pulled the 'I love you' from my lips. But I bit back the words. What do you say to the woman you love--the woman you've just had your first sexual experience with? _Thanks _seemed so inadequate. "That was…"

Her hands on my cheeks were so reverent I almost sobbed. _I'm turning into such a girl_. "I know," she said, and I believed it was true. In that moment, all the barriers were down and I was holding my Bella.

I lay awake late that night, feeling Bella wrapped around me and knowing that it would likely be the only night like this for us. She stirred against me as I started to doze off and murmured something in her sleep. I pulled back to speak but she was still asleep. "Edward," she said, then sighed, "--love--Edward."

I couldn't stop the blinding smile that broke across my face. She was dreaming of me. Could she possibly love me? Really?

I shook the feeling off. Maybe she just needed a bit more time. I had to think of some way to extend this. If I could just get her to stay longer, maybe she'd realize--what exactly? I groaned in frustration.

Just as I was falling asleep an idea popped into my mind. It just might work. At least it might get her to stay a little longer.

---

**Endnotes:**

**Okay, so Virginward no more. Ah well, more fun to come--so to speak. This chapter just seemed to go on and on, so we're looking at two more, plus the epilogue. I promise not to leave you hanging again for months at a time. I'll try to get the next one up in a few weeks. Please be patient with me and don't throw fruit--it's a waste and I can't write it I'm catching apples.**

**Reviews are better than apples, but not better than a piano playing Edward.**


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